Lives In Chaos
by xXKiwiCullenXx
Summary: Sequel to "It Happened One Weekend" and "Life Outside the Bubble". Edward & Bella struggle to deal with their new relationship & other big changes in their lives. Thanks to their friends & family, humor & chaos ensues. Lemons, language, AH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: OK kids! Here it is! The much anticipated sequel to "It Happened One Weekend" and "Life Outside the Bubble"! I'm really excited about this story! Look for lots of drama, romance and HUMOR! Yup, Jasper's back and demanded face time in this one! How could I deny our resident clown? To kick things off...I've thrown you another curve ball! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I had sooo much fun writing it!**

**NOW, as far as the updating schedule, I am still shooting for every Thursday. However, I am currently writing another new story that will hopefully be published soon, titled "With or Without You" (don't forget to add me to your Author Alert so you know when it posts). So right now, I am writing like a mad woman! I may run a little late with updating, but I am going to try hard not too!.**

**I have also started a BLOG for my stories where you can find teaser's and see pic of the characters, clothes, cars, houses and music that helped inspire the stories! So come Follow Me at **

**www(dot)kiwibeme(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight, but Twilight owns me!**

**EPOV**

"Sooo, is the sexing Embargo still in place?" Jasper chuckles.

"Yes." I mumble.

"Dude, you should tell her you want your conjugal rights restored for Christmas!".

I shoot Jasper the evil eye. Fucker thinks this shit is funny! There is nothing funny about blue balls.

"I think maybe I should start small. Like convincing her to let me start sleeping in the bedroom with her again.".

"You're STILL sofa surfing?" he laughs. "Hasn't it been like a month?".

"Yeah. She can't get past the fact that I left her in the kitchen with my mom, while she was armed and dangerous."

"That was pretty heinous, man." Jasper agrees.

"I was just on the other side of the door!" I argue. " And besides, she did put the knife down when Bella asked to her too.".

"So why'd you bail?".

"Jasper you're a man...I think? What would you do if you walked into a room with three angry women and there things like newly sharpened Ginsu knives, meat tenderizers, skewers and meat prongs laying around? I ask. "Seriously man, it was like a 'Saw' movie in there!".

"Point taken." Jasper says, reaching underneath the table and cupping himself.

We had come into Port Angeles to do some Christmas shopping and were now eating lunch at the local diner. I needed to find something really amazing to give Bella for Christmas. I've been on her 'Shit List' for more than a month now and I want us back on track before the New Year.

"Do you think Esme is going to have the repairs to the house done before the Holidays?" Jasper asks, between bites of his fries.

"I dunno. It's going to be close. I think the cabinets for kitchen are on back order or something.".

Yeah, the damages to the main house were extensive after 'Hurricane Esme' blew through. It was complete and utter devastation. The entire bottom level of the house was left uninhabitable. The kitchen had to be completely gutted and redone. Once we pulled the ottoman out of the wall in the living room, we could see it had caused some structural damage, since it was a load baring wall. There was also large amounts of shattered glass everywhere. Esme had manged to hurl anything breakable, with remarkable force, against anything that stood still...and few things that didn't. She felt bad of course, once she had awakened from the sedation that the Police and Paramedics forced on her. She had no idea that Jasper had even come downstairs, when she hurled Carlisles favorite sculpture across the room. Alice and Renee had no choice but to call 911 for Jasper. The force of the blow knocked him out and of course head wounds bleed like a bitch. When help arrived, my mother was still on her of path destruction through the house. I was amazed that it took four grown men and one powerful sedative to restrain her.

Esme got lucky though. Since Jasper only had a minor concussion and a few stitches, the DA let her off easy. She only had to pay a few fines totalling less than $5000 and take some anger management classes.

We finally finished lunch and were back on the hunt for the perfect gift. I was hesitant to do jewelry since I had already given her the Dog Tags for her birthday. Bella was difficult to buy for, she didn't like expensive things and preferred gifts with meaning. Which is basically my problem...what gift carries a meaning that says, "I'm sorry I messed up. I love you. Will you let me get my dick wet again...PLEASE?".

"Have you decided what you're getting Alice?" I asked, hoping that Jasper would have one of his rare moments of brilliance and give me some great idea.

"A new stomach." he dead pans.

"Man, she's still not over the flu yet?".

"Nope. And her stubborn ass won't go and have it checked out. Her mom has her taking some herbal crap for it and convinced her it's Irritable Bowel Syndrome." he says, rolling his eyes. "I keep telling her that it doesn't make any sense. Her 'bowel' is in her ass. Her problem is in her stomach.".

I can't help but laugh. There are only two things that Jasper knows for sure about the human body... we all have an asshole and girls have vagina's.

"The IBS actually makes sense, man." I laugh. "The stomach and bowel are connected!".

"They are?" and from the look on his face, he's being serious. "But nothing is coming out her ass. It's all coming out of the her stomach via her mouth.".

"Oh Jesus, Jasper!" I howl. "I can't have this conversation with you right now or I am going to lose my lunch! Maybe when we get home, I'll break out some of my dads old medical books for you.".

"Yeah, about the books..." Jasper says nervously.

"What about them?".

"Well, remember three weeks ago when you and Bella went with Renee to Seattle and Bella made her rent you your own room and it couldn't be adjoining or on the same floor as hers?".

"Oh fucks sake! Rub it in, why don't you! That was right after the Thanksgiving dinner fuckary and Bella wasn't even talking to me at that point! Like it's my fault Esme drop kicked the turkey into the woods and we ended up eating take-out for Thanksgiving!".

"Bro, we all ended up with food poisoning. Bella had to be admitted into the hospital where they gave her IV's and a suppository. How do you expect her to get over something like that? Thanks to you and your keen problem solving skills, she was violated.". Jasper says seriously.

"SHE JUST TOLD ME TO GET DINNER! SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T CARE FROM WHERE!" I yelled in frustration. "How was I supposed to know the place had had six health code violations in the last year!".

"I'm not a smart man, Edward." Jasper says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "But even I know not to buy food from a restaurant with plywood counter tops.".

Oh shut up!

"So what about the books." I huff, slapping his hand off me and continuing on down the sidewalk.

"Oh right. Well, while you were gone, Esme had a little bon fire in the backyard." he cringed. "She wouldn't even have gotten the ticket for not having a burn permit, if the trees hadn't caught on fire. That was just dumb luck there.".

I came to a screeching halt on the sidewalk. "She burned my dads medical books?".

"Yeah. And most of his clothes, some Cullen family heirlooms, some pictures, the leather couch from his office, their old bed." he listed off, like it was nothing.

"Jesus Christ." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"I know right!" Jasper agrees. "Luckily the Fire Department showed up before the she could light the Mercedes on fire, otherwise, it would have been a criminal matter. Although I don't how she's going to get the smell of gasoline out of the upholstery. Man, that's got to hurt the resale value. I mean it's not like you can sell it to a smoker.".

"Shut up, Jasper! Just shut up!".

We continue walking up and down the street, peaking in store fronts, hoping that something amazing would just magically appear. Giving up, I took out my phone and called my mom for suggestions.

"Hello?".

"Renee? Why are you answering my moms phone?" I ask, checking my phone display to make sure I called the right phone.

"Oh, hi Edward. Yeah, your mom is...busy? Right now."

Why did Renee say she's busy like it was a question? And why am I hearing screaming, breaking glass and crunching metal in the background?

"Renee, what the hell is going on?".

"Your mom had a meeting today with your father and his lawyers." she sighed. "Carlisle is threatening to contest the divorce if she doesn't pay what he's asking. He said he now has "unforeseen circumstances and expenses" to account for.".

"Shit!" I mumble. "How's she holding up?".

There's another crash and Renee yelps into the phone.

"Oh about as well as can be expected." she says, with a nervous laugh.

"Is she using the house as a punching bag again? Because if she is, you might want to remind her that her therapist said that destroying your living space, is not a healthy way to express anger!".

"Um, no. Not the house this time.".

Another crash and a blood curdling scream. I actually had to pull the phone away from my ear, it was so loud.

"Dude, she kind of sounds like Miss Piggy, when she's having a tantrum." Jasper whispers.

I shove him and motioning for him to zip it.

"Do I even want to know?" I ask Renee, resigned that my mother has completely lost her mind.

"It's the Rolls Royce." she says, I can almost see the cringe on her face in my mind. "Honestly Edward, I thought she'd stop with spray painting obscenities all over it. But then she pulled out the bat..."

"No, it's fine. Just let her get it out of her system. I'll be home to deal with her in a bit."

"OK Sweetie." she says, pity clear in her voice. "And Edward, I really am sorry.".

"I know, Renee. I know."

Well this trip was a total bust. I have no gift for Bella, my back hurts like a bitch from the couch and now I have to go home and wrestle a bat away from my psychotic mother. Could my life suck any worse?

**BPOV**

"Have you decided when you are going to put Edward out of his misery?" Alice asked idly, while flipping through a magazine on the couch.

She was supposed to be helping me wrap gifts, so far she has only managed to decorate her hair with the bows.

"I would have done it a month ago. But unfortunately murder is still illegal." I say, as I fight the wrapping paper into submission, around an odd shaped box.

"Oh Christ, Bella! It was just a suppository!" Alice says, rolling her eyes.

"No,no...see, that's where you're wrong! You're trivializing it, just like Edward did! It wasn't just a suppository, Alice!" I say defensively, you could say I'm still a tad bit sensitive where that subject is concerned. "It was a suppository AND Nurse Ratchet with five inch thick man fingers! I'd like to see how you'd react to someone with an index finger thicker then Jasper's dick, poking around your blow hole!".

That night will always have a spot on my top ten list of the most horrifying things to ever happen to me. I mean, it probably wouldn't have been so traumatizing if I'd seen it coming. But that bitch of a Nurse, waited until I was bent over the toilet puking my guts out to lift my gown, smear some lube on my hole and then...BAM! Godzilla finger and suppository right up the ass! How does someone recover from something like that? At least when Edward "accidentally" slips and pokes me in the pooter, he apologizes. This bitch, she just slapped me on the ass and said "You should start feeling better now.". I DON'T THINK SO! I will never feel right again! I feel like I should be insulted that her finger didn't ask for my phone number!

I shift in my chair and cringe just thinking about it.

"OK, well. All YOUR gifts are wrapped now." I tell Alice, not even trying to hide my annoyance. "Are you ready for lunch yet?".

Alice rolls over on the couch, clutching her stomach. "Dammit Bella! I told you that mentioning food was off limits.".

"You really need to see someone about that, Alice. This has been going on for a month now.".

"I know." she mumbles, tossing her arm over eyes."I mean it could be IBS or maybe an ulcer.".

"Or you could be pregnant!" I laugh, shaking my head and going back to picking up the mess I made with the wrapping paper.

"Do you know when the boys are due back?" just as the words leave my mouth. I see Alice streak for the bathroom and slam the door shut.

I walk over and knock softly. "Alice are you sure you're all right? I mean, maybe I should take you to the hospital.".

"I don't need to go to the hospital." she cries through the door.

"OK, well just tell me what I can do to help then.".

The door opens then and a very pale looking Alice steps out.

"You can give me a ride to the pharmacy.".

**EPOV**

We're not even halfway home and I already want to kick Jasper out of the car. I've been listening to him channel surf on the radio for the past fifteen minutes.

"Is there something wrong with the Ipod Jasper?" I huff, completely fed up.

"We always listen to the Ipod.".

Is he serious?

"Jasper that is a 160 Gig Ipod that can hold 40,000 songs! I can guarantee we have NEVER listened to the same song twice!".

"That's not the point, Edward. An Ipod takes all the spontaneity out of life. We are restricted to listening to only what you've pre-programmed into it. Why would anyone want that?".

Kill me now! It's like spending an hour in a car with an Amish person!

I reach over and switch on my Ipod. "You can reject technology in your own car.".

We spend a few minutes in comfortable silence, listening to Incubus filter through the speakers. We were about a 6 miles from home, when Bella's Audi blew by us.

"Was that the girls?" Jasper asks, sitting up in the seat and looking out the back window.

Fucking moron.

"Of course it was you Jackass! Do you know of anyone else in Forks who drives an R8?" I say, pulling out my phone and calling Bella.

It rings three times before she picks up.

"What?".

Yeah, that's been her new phone greeting when ever I call for the last month. Anyone else gets a chipper "Hello"...but me? I get snarled at! I don't think she'll be happy until I take it up the ass!

"Hey Baby." I say, trying to sound light. "I just passed you on the road and I wanted to make sure every things all right.".

"Yup. Every things fine." she says quickly.

No it's not. She can't lie in person or over the phone.

"You sure?" I try again, getting concerned.

"Yes Edward. Every things fine." she says shortly, the irritation clear in her voice. "I'm just taking Alice to the pharmacy to get something to take for her stomach. Don't worry, no ones on their way to the hospital to have a suppository shoved up their ass!".

I pull the phone back from my ear and try to refrain from crushing it. When will she ever let that shit go? I said I was sorry a million fucking times! I even bought her one of those inflatable ass cushions and drew her water for her sits bath when we got home from the hospital! What more can I do?

"Fine." I huff. "I have to swing by my moms, she went ape shit again. Do you want me to grab some take-out for dinner then?".

"NO!" I hear Jasper, Alice and Bella shout in unison.

Fuck my life!

**BPOV**

I hang up with Edward and throw my phone on the dash and mumble under my breath. How could he even suggest something like that? He just added another week to his punishment!

"Thanks for not saying anything." Alice whispered.

"Do you really think that you are?" I ask.

"I don't know.".

"When was your last period?".

"Um..." she scrunches her eyes, deep in thought while counting on her fingers. "September 28th?".

"ALICE!" I yell.

"What?".

"It's December 21st!" Oh my god! How can she be so stupid!

Alice wringes her hands nervously in her lap and gnaws on her bottom lip, while tears stream down her face.

"I know, OK!" she cries. "But honestly, I had even considered the possibility until now!".

"Alice" I say sternly, gripping the steering wheel tighter. "Don't you and Jasper use any protection?".

"Sometimes" she whispers. "But most of the time he just pulls out.".

"Alice!" I growl.

"I know, we were dumb to think that was enough, OK. Just don't yell at me, Bella. If I am...pregnant...I am going to enough people yelling at me! Just be my friend right now, please.".

I stare out the front window and try to get a handle on my temper. I honestly don't know why we are even bothering with the test at this point. Judging from the date of her last period, she's already closing in on her second trimester!

"Alright." I say. "Here's what we are going to do. We're going to the hospital in Port Angeles, since we can't go to the one here in Forks without the town gossips finding out.".

"What! No!" Alice screeches. "We can't!".

"We have to Alice." I say, struggling with my patience. "You're pregnant! You don't need to pee on a stick to know that. Besides, they'll confirm it with a blood test anyway. But you've been sick a long time and there could be something seriously wrong with the baby.".

Alice sits back in her seat then and stares out the side window, wiping at her tears and mumbles a resigned, "Fine.".

"Do you want me to call Edward back and ask him to bring Jasper up to the hospital?" I ask, quietly.

Alice's cries harder and nods her head yes.

I pick up my phone and dial the number.

"Is everything OK, love?" he answers on the second ring.

"Every things fine." I say quietly. "But Alice needs you to do her a favor.".

**OK, who saw that twist coming? Hehe! I had to start this off with a bang! I hope you liked it and I would LOVE it if I could get some reviews! I know people are reading my stories and I would LOVE to hear from you! I'm even willing to reward reviewers with a sneak peek of my new story "With or Without You"! **

**Love, Kari**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: OK so you are getting this a day early! Why? Because I fought with this chapter and now I just want to be done with it! LOL For some reason Edward was in one of his moods and refused to cooperate, Bella wanted to hold onto her grudge longer, Esme wants to single handedly destroy Forks and Alice wanted more face time! I swear, the more popular this story gets, the bigger their heads get! **

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I hung up with Bella and I'd be lying if I said that I'm not concerned about why Alice would have Bella call and ask me to bring Jasper to meet her at the Port Angeles Hospital. Something must be seriously wrong with her stomach.

"We're turning around." I announce to Jasper, who's currently playing air guitar to a song on the radio..er, Ipod.

"Why?".

"I'm guessing Bella finally talked Alice into going and having her stomach checked out. She wants you with her.".

"Yay! Knee hammers and free lube!" Jasper claps, like a 2 year old.

"Oh no! It's time to be a grown up, Jasper! Your woman needs you to step up and be a man! She doesn't need an adolescent Kleptomaniac in there with her!".

He pulls out his Iphone and starts punching buttons.

"What the hell are you doing?" I lean over and try to see the screen.

"Klep-to...wait, how do you spell that?".

I manage a glimpse of the screen and then smack him in the back of the head.

"Are you seriously Googling, Kleptomaniac!" rolling my eyes. "God you're an idiot.".

"Well? What does it mean? You know big words confuse me!".

"Thief! It means thief!"

"Well why the fuck didn't you just say that to begin with?".

Oh my god! We can't get to Port Angeles fast enough at this rate! I pull my phone out and call to let Renee know that I wouldn't be home as expected. She was understandably apprehensive about being left alone with my mother. Apparently Esme's need to take her aggression out on my father possessions hadn't been satisfied with the destruction of his five hundred thousand dollar luxury Rolls Royce.

I quickyly explained the situation to Renee and suggested that she give my mom a go at my fathers prized golf clubs. I figured it would take her awhile to mangle those, giving me time to deal with whatever was going on with Alice.

It was a short time later that we pulled into the hospital. We made our way into the Emergency Department and found Bella sitting with Alice in the waiting room, filling out paper work.

"Hey" I said quietly.

"Hi" Bella sighed, barely looking at me.

This shit with her was getting old quick!

"So what's going on?" I asked, hesitantly.

Alice was bent over a clip board sniffling and crying, while Bella gently rubbed her back.

"Alice?" I asked again, as Jasper took the seat next to her.

"Um, I'm pregnant." she whispered.

Jasper went stiff in his chair. All the color left his face and his jaw dropped open. He stared blankly at nothing.

HOLY SHIT! This is soooo not happening!

"Are you sure?".

Bella huffed then and turned her evil eye on me.

"THAT is what we are here to confirm." she spat, like it was obvious.

Hell fucking no. She does not get to pull her attitude on me after Alice dropped a bomb like that!

"Jesus! What the hell is your problem, Bella? How the fuck was I supposed to know what we were here for? It's not like you were fourth coming on the phone when YOU asked ME to bring Jasper here!".

Her eyes narrowed further and the crease in her brow increased ten fold.

"You're right, I did ask you to bring Jasper here...and he's here now. So you can leave!".

"God, you guys! Just stop it already! Neither Jasper or I need YOUR drama right now! I think BOTH of you can leave!" Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and dragged him up to the counter. The nurse took her paper work and escorted them to an examination room, leaving Bella and I in the waiting room...to kill each other.

"See what you did!" Bella fumed, pointing in the direction of the hallway Jasper and Alice just disappeared down.

"WHAT I DID!" is she fucking kidding me with this shit?

Bella stood up then and headed toward the magazine rack, mumbling "Just leave Edward. I can't deal with you right now.".

Nope, not gonna happen toots! I stood and followed her over to the rack she pretending to be interested in.

"You know Bella, I've let this shit go on long enough! It's been a month, a fucking MONTH! You need to grow up and let this shit go already, otherwise, our relationship won't survive this! I made a mistake, I get it, it computes...you can stop fucking brow beating me now! So get the fuck over it and accept that MY best friend is also in there and he needs me right now if Alice is pregnant! I whispered rather loudly in her ear.

"Was that a threat?" she seethed.

I threw my arms in the air in frustration.

"Everything I just said and that's what you heard? God Bella, get over yourself! I wasn't threatening you, I was just telling you the facts. Nobody in their right mind would stay in a relationship where they were constantly flogged for their mistakes. That's not a threat...that's fact, Sweetheart!".

I turned then and went back to the chairs we had been sitting in. It wasn't long before Bella once again took the seat next to me.

"Just tell me what it's going to take for you to forgive me." I sighed.

She laughed humorlessly then, "Everything I look at, I want to shove up your ass.".

Exactly as I thought. I was going to have to take it up the tail pipe before she'd let this go!

"That's never going to happen Bella, so I honestly don't know what to tell you.".

"I was humiliated, Edward.".

"No, you were sick and received medical treatment. No one besides you, me and the nurse even knew about it. You're the one that went all Drama Queen about it and made it public knowledge.".

"So you're saying that I humiliated myself? That makes no sense, Edward.".

"My ass is doesn't! You told anyone who would listen that I made you sick and that resulted in having a suppository shoved up your ass! It's not like I was the one telling people!".

Bella went quiet again. I could see that my words hit home with her. I don't think she realizes that in her anger with me, she was the one who had inadvertently told everyone about what went down in the hospital room that day.

As the silence between us grew, so did my level of frustration. I was leaning my elbows on my bouncing knees, running my hands through my hair. How did my life get so fucked up?

"Edward?"

Fuck my life! What is HE doing here?

Bella's head snapped up, as I leaned my head back and muttered, "Jump into my nightmare Carlisle, the water's warm!".

"I'm going to go use the bathroom." Bella mumbled, grabbing up here purse.

Traitor!

"Yeah, be careful in there!" I yelled after her. "A giant suppository might jump out and go BOO!".

Well fuck! Judging by the death glare and double Bird I just got, that definitely didn't help my "Please forgive me" cause.

"Suppository?" Carlisle asked.

I just waved my arm around and started massaging my temples with my free hand. "Nothing, just fucking forget it.".

"Are you sick?" he asked.

"No.".

"Then what are you doing here?".

"Just brought a sick friend in.".

"I see. Jasper?".

I looked up at him then.

"What do you care? And what's with the 20 questions?".

"I can't ask my son a simple question?".

"A question, yes. Twenty...no. And don't start your son bullshit with me." I huffed, standing and making my way over to the complimentary coffee cart.

"Look Edward, I've been meaning to talk to you.".

"Oh really? You finally decided you're ready to have a man to man about knocking up my Girlfriends sister? The same Girlfriend you said wasn't good enough for me. Yet her sister, who incidentally screwed said Girlfriend over and treated her like shit, was good enough for you? Hypocrite much?".

"Edward it really isn't like that.".

I laughed as I took a sip of the stale coffee that tasted like it had been filtered through a sweaty jock strap.

"Oh, I think it's exactly like that, Daddy-O.".

"Bella Swan?" the nurse at the desk called out.

She's in the bathroom." I told her, walking up to the desk as the nurse looked back at the chart in her hands.

"Are you Edward Cullen?".

"Yes. Is everything all right?".

"Everything is fine." the older nurse explained. "I was just given permission to tell you that the pregnancy test came back positive. We're going to go ahead and proceed with a ultra sound to date the pregnancy.".

I thanked her then and turned to go back to my seat, forgetting that my dad was there until it was to late.

"Bella's pregnant?" he snarled.

"NO!" I yelled. "Unlike some people in this family, I know how to use protection, thank you very much.".

Take that fucker!

"Besides, even if Bella were pregnant, it's not like you're in any position to sit back on morals and judge me. It's not like I'm a 44 year old doctor that knocked up his 18 year old patient, who is also a high school drop out and stripper!".

Carlisle grabbed me by the elbow then and shoved me out the automated doors and into the parking lot.

"Was it necessary to discuss my private business in the middle of the Emergency Room at the hospital where I work? Especially when it also happens to employ 90% of the towns gossip mongers?".

"You started it."

"Real mature, Edward.".

"I learned from the best.".

"Are we ever going to get past all this animosity?" Carlisle sighed.

"Nope.".

"Edward?" Bella's head popped out the doors. "Sorry to interrupt, but they said we could go back and be there for the ultra sound.".

"I'll be right there." I told her, tossing my cup of liquid shit in the trash can. "Do you have any gum? I think I just drank tar.".

She fished around in her purse and came up with a pack of Orbit.

"I'll meet you back there. Third room on the left." she said quietly and then was gone.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"Does it matter?",

"He was like a son to me. If he needs help, it's only fair that I be allowed to be there for him."

I didn't even think, I just reacted. The next thing I knew, my hand hurt like hell and Carlisle was on the ground, clutching one eye with his hand.

"Jasper's like a son to you?" I wailed. "What about me, Carlisle! I'm your son and you never once showed me an ounce of compassion or concern. You just told me what to do and bullied me to get what you want! Now you want to get all fatherly with Jasper?".

I laughed and grabbed at my hair with both hands, nearly ripping it out by the root.

"EDWARD" I heard Bella scream behind me. She came running up to me and started checking out my right hand that was rapidly swelling. "Oh my god, Baby! Are you OK?".

I couldn't stifle the laugh that escaped me. Here's Carlisle rolling around on the ground with a fucked up eye and split lip, yet she walked right over him like he wasn't even there to get to me. Now that's loyalty!

"I'm fine." I tell her, wrapping my good arm around her waist and kissing the top of her head.

I looked down at Carlisle and spit on the ground right next to him.

"Just leave me and mom the fuck alone. Find a way to support your whore and bastard child by your damn self." I mumbled and lead Bella back into the hospital.

"You're going to need an X-ray. I'll go get the paper work for you to fill out." she said, gently kissing my hand and resting it in my lap.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" I smirk.

"Yes" she smiled. "Watching you clean Carlisle's clock, more than makes up for a suppository being shoved up my ass!".

**BPOV**

Oh my god! Edward totally knocked the shit out of Carlisle! That is so hot!

**Alice's POV**

"Where the hell is Bella?"

I don't even know why I've bothered asking. Jasper hasn't uttered a word since the waiting room. He just stares off into space, like none of this is happening around him.

I've been laying on this damn table with my shirt hiked up for the last 45 minutes, waiting to get the damn Ultra Sound over with.

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I'm actually pregnant. Like a little person is growing inside me at this very minute and probably giving me stretch marks. I lift my head and inspect my stomach. It doesn't really look any different. If anything there might be a slight swell.

I stand up then and look at myself from every possible angle in the full length mirror on the back of the door. Holy shit! There is most definitely a well defined bump there. How did I miss that?

"What are you doing?" Jasper whispers.

Well fuck me! It lives.

"I have a bump." I tell him, turning so I can see myself from the side.

"You have a what?".

"A bump.".

"A bump?".

I turn with my hands on my hips. "Are you just going to sit there and repeat everything I say or are you actually going to Man Up and accept that this happening? We're having a baby, Jasper...get used to it.".

Jasper tilts his head back onto the wall and looks up at the ceiling.

"So that's it then. We're keeping it?" he asks, quietly.

My heart stops and tears start to pour down my cheeks. "I won't get an abortion, Jasper." I tell him, laying a protective hand on my stomach.

His head snaps up at my words.

"I wouldn't ask you to do that, Alice. But there is adoption.".

"I don't think I could give my baby away." I sniffle.

He stands then and comes over, wrapping me in his arms.

"I know. I don't think I could do it either. But damn Alice, me a father? It would mean I have to grow up and fuck if I even know where to start with that.".

I can't help but laugh. Jasper as a grown up? I don't even know if I like the idea of it. I love that he does childish things and can make me laugh. I admire that he's willing to make an ass out of himself, if it makes someone else smile. I respect the fact that he'd rather laugh at life, then take it too seriously. This boy owns me heart and soul.

I've only known for sure that I was pregnant a little over an hour. But I already love our baby.

"We'll make it work." he whispers in my ear.

God I love him. He'd do anything to make me happy.

**JPOV**

A baby isn't so bad. It means double the Happy Meal toys at McDonald's. Score!

**BPOV**

We finally got done with Edward's hand and made our way down to the Ultra Sound room. Edward had managed to charm the technician into waiting for us before starting. Sure Alice would be pissed that she was kept waiting, but we really wanted to be there.

When we walked in the room, it felt like we were intruding on a private moment. Jasper and Alice were standing together in front of the full length mirror, inspecting her stomach.

"Look Bella! I have a bump!" Alice sang, turning sideways.

Sure as shit, there was a noticeable bump there. She must be further along than we thought.

"How you holding up, Man?" Edward asked Jasper, clapping him on the shoulder.

"I'm gonna be daddy." Jasper smiled. "It's starting to sink in.".

I could sense Jasper's hesitation. Yes, it was starting to sink in, but I don't think the enormity of it has hit him yet.

"Edward! What the hell happened to your hand?" Alice screeched, pointing at his braced right hand.

Edward held up it up proudly, to showed it off.

"I sprained it on my dads face!" he laughed.

"Dude, you hit your dad?" Jasper gasped.

"It was a total K.O and was sexy as hell!" I chuckled, as I wrapped my arms around Edwards waist. He was soooo getting some when we get home.

Alice and Jasper laughed and high fived him as he recounted the story for them. There was something satisfying about Edward doing what we've all wanted to do for months. Plus it was a welcomed distraction from the situation that brought us all to the hospital today.

"So are you guys OK then?" Jasper asked, motioning between the two of us.

Edward deflected the question to me with a nervous glance.

"Yes, we're just fine." I said, reaching up on my tip toes to plant a chaste kiss on Edward's lips.

Just then the door opened and Carmen, the Ultra Sound Technician that Edward charmed to within an inch of her life, walked in.

"OK kids! Are we ready to see a baby?"

We all nodded excitedly in agreement, as she got the machine turned on and Alice situated on the table. Jasper held her right hand, I held her left and Edward stood at her head, rubbing her shoulders for support.

Carmen squeezed some blue goop on Alice's stomach, making her squeak because it was cold. She then placed the wand on her stomach and fiddled with some knobs on the machine. A few seconds later...a peanut with stubby arms and legs appeared on the screen.

"Oh my god!" I breathed, holding back tears. "You have a baby in there, Alice!".

Carmen hit a button on the machine and the whooshing sound of the baby's heart beat filled the room. Alice was a mess. She had thick streams of tears mixed with mascara running down her face. Jasper had tears as well, but also the biggest smile I'd ever seen plastered on his face.

As for me, I was hypnotized by the image on the screen. I was amazed, in awe and if truth be told, maybe even a little jealous.

Just then I felt Edwards arm slide around my waist and he whispered, "Someday" into my ear. I smiled, leaned my head into his shoulder and let my tears flow.

As I listened to the heart beat, it almost sounded like there was an echo. Weird.

"Is that normal?" I asked, pointing towards ceiling so she'd understand I was talking about the sound.

"Um?" Carmen hummed, concentrating hard on the screen in front of her and sliding the probe around Alice's stomach trying to see different angles.

Just then, the image on the screen changed. Instead of one stubby peanut...there was two!

"Is that...?" Edward trailed off, narrowing his eyes and cocking his head to the side in disbelief of what he was seeing.

"Twins!" Carmen happily confirmed.

Alice gasped and threw her hands over her mouth in shock, Edward laughed, I froze and Jasper...well, Jasper got horizontal...hard.

**I know, another curve ball! I figure if I am going to do the impossible and make Jasper a father, I might as well go all out! Leave me some love...this one challenged me for some reason and I need it! I'm using the extra day I gave myself by posting early to take a time out! I'll start work on the next chapter Friday and assuming it doesn't fight me like this one did...you may have that one early too! Review, Review, Review! It feeds my soul! :)**

**Love, Kari**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to a loyal reviewer, unicorn_bliss, you all get another chapter this week! She submitted a hysterical review that triggered something in my demented brain and made me write this chapter in only a few hours! I was going to hold onto this until next Thursday, but I just couldn't do it! I have to share it! Let this serve as evidence that I DO read all reviews and even find inspiration in them! **

**As for unicorn_bliss...I'm sorry I couldn't give you Carlisle's death in a fiery car wreck! I still need him to stick around...Esme's not done with him yet! ;) But I can give you your other request! Thanks for reviewing, Toots! Much love~ Kari**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**JPOV**

What the hell just happened? Why am I laying on the floor? And why the fuck is Edward laughing his ass off?

I open my eyes and am met with Edward, who is doubled over in hysterics with tears running down his face and he's pointing at me.

"Welcome back, Super Sperm!" he laughed. "How's the vagina?".

I flip him the bird and move to get up. "What the fuck happened?".

"You fainted." Alice sighed in relief.

"Fainted?" I ask, rubbing the sore spot on the back of my head. "What the fuck?".

Edward smacked me on the back, still chuckling, "Carmen here confirmed Alice has twins in the oven and you went down hard. I'm so glad I was here to see it!".

"Twins?" I whispered.

Edward just smiled and pointed back to the screen on the ultra sound machine. Sure enough, there they were...two tiny little peanut looking things. I squinted and rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing double.

"Congratulations Pops!" Edward laughed.

I couldn't respond. I could only stand there and stare.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, waving her hand in my face.

"Jasper, baby, please say something!" Alice cried.

I just shook my head in disbelief and stared, finally letting the three words that were swimming around in my head escape out my mouth.

"I'm so fucked!".

**APOV**

I couldn't help the sobs that broke from my chest when Jasper finally spoke. He isn't happy about this, he doesn't want the babies. Hell he probably doesn't even want me at this point.

"Are we done here? Can I go?" I cried, shoving the wand away from my stomach.

"Did you want pictures?" Carmen asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." I sniffled, frantically wiping the goop off my belly. "Um, give them to Edward. Bella, can you come with me, please?".

"Sure." Bella said, shooting a worried glance at Edward.

I bolted off the table and out the door heading for the bathroom. Once inside I collapsed on the floor and completely lost it. I heard the door open and felt Bella's arms go around my waist and help me up. She sat me down on the bench that ran along the wall and went to wet down a paper towel. She brought it back and started wiping my tear stained face. Patiently waiting for me to start talking.

"Do you think he wants the babies?" I asked quietly after several minutes.

Bella sighed then and shrugged her shoulders. "I honestly can't tell you what he's thinking right now, Alice. I think that finding out you were pregnant was a shock for him. And then to find out it's twins, was an even bigger shock. He's had a lot thrown at him in a short amount of time. You have to give him time to process everything. Judging anything he says or does right now, would be unfair and I think deep down, you know that.".

"Yeah, but he said he was 'so fucked'." I mimicked, making air quotes with my fingers.

"Honestly Alice, had the situation been reversed, that would have been my first thought as well!" Bella laughed, humorlessly. "I mean he's 17 years old, has no job, lives in the chaos that is the Cullen house right now and still has another year and a half of High School left. Those are a lot strikes to have against you when you have not one, but two, babies on the way!".

I shook my head in agreement. "You're right, there is a lot to consider.".

Bella pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back. "Just give him time, Alice. I know Jasper. He loves you and he's going to love your babies too.".

**EPOV**

I waited until the door to the exam room closed behind Bella and then turned on Jasper, slapping in the back of the head.

"What the fuck man!" he howled, rubbing his head.

"Exactly!" I hissed. "What the fuck was that just now? Of all the things to say, 'I'm so fucked' is the best you can do? What about Alice? If you're fucked, what does that make her? She's the one that has to carry those babies for the next 9 months. Way to be an insensitive prick, Jazz!".

"Um, I hate to interrupt." Carmen cut in "But according to the measurements of the babies, Miss McCarty is about 3 months, 2 weeks and 3 days along. So technically she'll only carry them about 6 more months.".

Just then Alice and Bella came back in the room, catching the end of the conversation.

"3 ½ months!" Alice yelled. "But I had a period on September 28th!".

"Was it a regular period?" Carmen asked. "Was it a normal flow and duration?".

"Er..." Alice started. "Actually it was more like spotting and lasted less than 3 days.".

Carmen nodded her head. "That's actually not uncommon. What you thought was your period was probably implantation. Women often mistake it for a light menstrual cycle. Break through bleeding happens often about 2-3 weeks after conception. According to the measurements, it looks like you conceived around the 5th of September, so the time frame does fit.".

"The weekend we met Jasper and Edward!" Bella gasped.

"I can't believe I've been pregnant this whole time and didn't know." Alice sniffled, rubbing her belly absent mindedly. "I feel like such an ass!".

I elbowed Jasper roughly in the ribs, spurring him into action. He crossed the room and wrapped his arms Alice.

"It's OK, Sugar." he cooed. "I didn't see the signs either.".

"What are we going to do, Jazz?" she cried into his chest. "I mean everything is going change and I'm scared!",

Jasper pulled back and gave Alice a genuine smile.

"What are we gonna do?" Jasper laughed and pulled Alice back into his chest. "We're gonna have us some babies, Sugar! And they are going to be two kick ass little ankle biters!".

Alice laughed and sniffled. "Don't call my babies ankle biters!".

Bella crossed the room with a huge smile on her face and wrapped her arms my neck.

"I love you." she whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek.

I smiled down at her, "I love you too.".

Bella turned in my arms, with her back to my chest and we watched Jasper and Alice cry and laugh at the same time while looking through the ultra sound pictures Carmen gave them. They still had a lot of things to work out and talk about...but in that moment, I knew they'd be OK.

**BPOV**

We left the hospital and Edward rode back with me in the R8. He decided to let Jasper and Alice drive the Volvo back. The ride would give them an hours peace and quiet to talk and decide what exactly they were going to do.

We arrived back at the Cullen's at the same time. Upon getting out of the cars, Alice and Jasper asked us to stick around while they talked to Esme and Renee. Edward had called Renee on the way back and luckily Esme had exhausted herself with the golf clubs and was now watching movies. Apparently she has decided that "The First Wives Club" and "Waiting To Exhale" are her new favorite movies...go figure!

We walked in and Edward called the moms to the third floor TV room. Jasper and Alice were on one couch, Edward and I were on the other and we left the arm chairs for the moms. As Renee and Esme came in and sat down, they had uneasy expressions on their faces. Apparently their Mom Radars had been tripped.

"So what's going on kids?" Renee started, looking directly at me and Edward.

Edward rested his right ankle on his left knee, pulled me into his side and then pointed in Alice and Jasper's direction.

"Bella and I are just here for support." he said.

Both moms heads swung toward the other couch. Both Jasper and Alice cringed when they took in the looks on their faces.

"Umm.." Alice started, before looking at Jasper. Jasper nodded at her and then sat forward and brought his elbows down and set them on his knees, looking down at the floor.

"OK, so the thing is..." he started to say, before the moms cut him off.

"You're pregnant" they said at the same time and it's wasn't a question.

"Yes" Alice said, sniffling.

"You're having a baby." Esme said out loud, like she was trying to wrap her head around it.

Edward brought a hand to his mouth and tried to stifle a laugh, while I playfully punched him in the gut and snickered.

The moms heads snapped in our direction. Their expression? Pissed the fuck off!

"You think this is funny?" Esme snapped.

"NO!" Edward and I blurted in unison.

"Then do you care to explain what you find so humorous about this situation?" Renee fumed. "Your Best Friends are having a baby and you're laughing. I thought you said you were here for support!".

"You said baby." Edward mumbled, looking like a 5 year old being scolded for coloring on the walls.

"And that's funny because..." Renee prompted.

Jasper stood up then and brought the ultra pictures over for the moms to look at. "Here, maybe this will help explain things.".

Renee and Esme examined the pictures for several minutes. When they finally got to the last photo, they both gasped and covered their mouths with both hands.

"Twins?" Esme gasped.

Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and they both nodded.

Esme stood up and walked over to Jasper, with her arms open. Jasper stood up to embrace Esme and just as he did...she started slapping him over the head.

"You stupid, stupid, stupid boy! How could you? Your mother would roll over in her grave if she knew about this!" she wailed. "How many times did I preach to both of you boys about safe sex!".

"Ow Esme! Jesus!" Jasper yelled. "Edward, get your mom off me!".

"GAHHH!" Esme screamed and then stormed out of the room and down the stairs. All of us jumped up and followed her worried about where she was headed.

Edward was following me down the stairs and whispered. "If she goes after the R8 or the Volvo, you grab the bat and I'll tackle her!".

Luckily she went straight to the front door, grabbed her baseball bat from the umbrella stand and marched right out the side door and into the garage. Seconds later, the sound of metal being abused could be heard through out the house.

"Not another car!" Renee said, worriedly.

"Nah. That's not a car. That's the golf cart." Edward said from the kitchen, where he was leaning against the half installed island eating from a bag of Cheetos. "I say let her have at it if it makes her feel better. It's pretty much useless without the golf clubs anyway.".

We all just stood there and stared at him.

"What?" he said defensively.

I swear I'm in love with a moron. I really need to start monitoring how much time he spends with Jasper. Instead of Jasper's immaturity being chronic like I had originally assumed, I think it's gone viral!

Renee shook her head and then turned her attention to Jasper and Alice.

"So have you kids decided what you are going to do?".

"We're going to keep them." Alice whispered, tears still leaking down her face.

"That's a big responsibility." Renee sighed. "Are you sure you're ready for it?".

"Is anyone ever really ready?" Jasper countered.

Renee nodded and smiled. "Touche".

An hour later Esme came back inside and was a lot calmer. She eventually apologized to Jasper and agreed to help him and Alice anyway she could. They decided that tomorrow the four of them would go to the McCarty's house to break the news. Alice and Jasper hoped that having Esme and Renee there, would cushion the blow or at least buy Jasper some time to make a run for it if things didn't end well. We all hoped Alice's parents would be understanding, but if not, Esme told Alice not to worry. She was always welcome to move into one of the guest rooms.

Edward laughed hysterically at the thought of Jasper and Alice having to live in separate rooms. His argument was that they might as well share a room at this point. It's not like Jasper could get her pregnant or anything.

This time Edward was the one getting slapped in the head ...by a magazine that Esme had rolled up and was wielding like a club.

At that moment I thought Esme might seriously do Edward physical harm, so I stepped in front of him, giving Renee and Jasper time to relieve of her of her weapon. Once she was unarmed and thinking clearly, she noted the brace on Edward's right hand.

"What the hell happened?" she demanded.

"He clocked Carlisle!" Alice blurted, throwing her hands over her mouth.

We all cringed and waited for Esme's reaction. We expected more violence, but all we got was laughter. Lots and lots of hysterical laughter! She High Fives Edward and praised him for 'being the best son a women could ever ask for'".

A short time later, with everyone calm and things talked out, Edward and I decided to go back to Guest House and recover from this long and trying day. Of course as we were leaving, Esme and Renee bombarded us with questions about our sex lives and if we were being safe.

Edward flipped Jasper off then. "Thanks Douche Bag! Now that you've got the moms on high alert, I'm the one who's going to be getting cock blocked!".

A half hour later, Edward and I were lying in bed cuddled into one another. I had my head on his chest, as he softly stroked my hair.

"I've missed this." he sighed.

"Me too."

"Thank you for finally forgiving me, love." he breathed into my hair. "I don't think I could go another day not being able to hold you.".

I raised my head and smiled at him.

"I've missed you too." I told him, as I let my hands drift under the hem of his shirt, exploring his bare chest underneath.

His eyes darkened with lust, as he smirked down at me.

"You have huh?".

"Yup" I said sitting up to straddle his hips and pull his shirt over his head.

His eyes fluttered shut as I ran my nails up and down his chest and leaned down to start sucking on his neck.

"God, baby." Edward moaned. "It's been so long. I need you.".

"Mmm" I hummed, as I worked over one of his nipples.

I moved my mouth lower kissing and sucking on his taut abs and licking across the delicious V of hip bones. God I loved Edwards body. It was muscular without being too bulky or obvious. Taking his shirt off was like unwrapping a Christmas present.

My mouth drifted to the top of his jeans and as I continued to work my tongue over his hips and lower stomach, I popped the button open, lowered the zipper and pulled them off with his boxer briefs until he lay before completely naked. His perfect dick standing proudly at attention, bubbling with pre-cum. Mmmm...yummy!

I barely gave him any warning before I attacked! I wrapped my hand around his rock hard cock and took him into my mouth until he hit the back of my throat. I hollowed out my cheeks and moved all the way back up to the head, where I wrapped my tongue around the ridge, before pulling off him with a pop.

"Holy fucking hell, Bella!" he groaned. "I'm never going to last if you keep that up.".

I smirked at him and plunged back down again. I kept the pace up, using my right hand to stroke what I couldn't take into my mouth and the left hand I lowered to his balls, rolling them in my palm.

Edward's hips bucked into my face and he was making some of the most erotic sounds I'd ever heard. I absolutely that Edward was so vocal. His noises alone could make me cum.

"Jesus fuck...I'm gonna cum, baby." he panted, as one of his hands drifted down and tangled into my hair.

I continued sucking him for all I was worth and as I felt the first stream of his hot fluid flood my mouth, I pulled my left idex finger away from it's job of massaging his nuggets and...

**Narrator's POV **

**At the same time, back at the Cullen house...**

Jasper and Alice lay cuddled together in the third floor TV Room, watching the "Prom Night" remake and eating extra butter movie theater popcorn. Or more acturately, Jasper was eating the popcorn and Alice was trying hard not to vomit...but I digress.

All of sudden a high pitched shriek can be heard, right when one of the females in the movie is being attacked and she lets out a blood curdling scream. Both Alice and Jasper jump from the couch, having been scared by the loud sound.. Their panicked movements sent the popcorn flying through the air. The bowl landing upside down on top of Jasper's head.

"Fuck Jasper!" Alice panted in fear. "Did you fucking hear that? It sounded like that girls scream was in stereo!".

"I know!" Jasper agreed, picking popcorn out of Alice's hair. "And we don't even have the Surround Sound installed up here yet!".

"That was incredible!" Alice screeched. "That was like a Mariah Carey's 7 octave scream that only dogs can hear!".

**Elsewhere in the house...**

Esme and Renee were on the 2nd floor in Esme's office, having Martini's and trying to process the events of the day.

"I honestly thought it was going to be Edward and Bella that had the baby news." Renee sighed. "No offense Es...but I was prepared to end your sons life.".

Esme laughed and told Renee to get in line.

Just then a loud yowl ripped through the air! Esme was so startled that her drink flew out of her hands, soaking the blue prints that were strewn about her desk.

"What the fuck was that!" Esme screamed, standing and looking out the window that over looked the back yard.

Renee joined her at the window, clutching her chest and feeling her heart race beneath her palm.

"I have no idea! But I hope someone finds that poor animal and puts it out of it's misery soon! It sounded like it was in agony!".

**Back at the Guest House an hour later...**

Edward waddles over to the freezer and tosses in the defrosted bag of peas. He goes for a still frozen bag of corn when he notices a round steak sticking out from underneath the ice maker.

After weighing his options, Edward grabs the steak, unwraps it and shoves it down the back of his boxer brief and lets out a relieved sigh on contact. Yup, the steak was definitely the better choice. I mean if they are good for black eyes, then they have to be good for Edward's problem as well.

He turns and waddles back towards the living room, mumbling to himself.

"Fucking Bitch! I should've seen that coming! I don't care what she says! We are more than even now!".

**Meanwhile back in the bedroom...**

Bella lays across the bed with her arms folded behind her head with a satisfied smirk on her face. She lets out a sigh of contentment, wiggles her left index finger, smiles and then rolls over and drifts off into the best and most peaceful sleep she's had in a month.

**That ending I happily dedicate to you, unicorn_bliss! Thanks for the review and the amazing idea's...and keep them coming! :)**

**Love, Kari**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: OK you spoiled brats, you get ANOTHER chapter this week! Why you ask? Because the hubby is out of town and you know what they say, "When the cats away, the mouse will take his credit card out to play!"! That's right! Momma is hitting some discount malls tomorrow! **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! We're getting Bella and Edward back on track and their priorities all straightened out. Bella finally feels like she can move on from the "Suppository Incident" now. Or at least until Edward pisses her off again! LOL**

**P.S. Thanks for all the great reviews last chapter! I was literally crying in laughter at some of them! I don't always have time to respond, but please know I am reading every single one! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* You know I don't own it...I just like to play with it! :)**

**EPOV**

I had finally gotten comfortable on the couch, where I slept for my own piece of mind. I couldn't tell you what was going through Bella's head, but I wouldn't put another surprise attack past her. I may never be able to sleep on anything other then my back again!

I was actually sleeping peacefully considering my ass was sore and I had Round Steak shoved down my pants. But any chance I had to wake up in a semi good mood, quickly flew out the window when I opened my eyes and found Jasper standing over me, holding an obnoxiously loud bowl of Rice Krispies.

"Snap, Crackle, Pop Dickhead!" Jasper chuckled, spraying bits of half eaten cereal all over me. Gross.

"Christ Jasper! You're nasty!" I complained, throwing the blanket off and standing up without thinking.

I felt the steak slither down my leg and plop on the floor before I could stop it. I looked up in embarrassment and Jasper's eyes were huge.

"Dude! Did you just shit a steak?".

"Who's shitting steaks?" Esme asked, coming into the living room carrying a mug of coffee.

"Edward is!" Jasper said pointing with his spoon. " That steak just fell out of his ass.".

Esme walked around the couch and looked down at the floor with a frown.

" Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" she wailed. Great! She middle named me. Let the drama commence! "Is that my Round Steak that was in the freezer?".

Esme's path of destruction through the Main House was quickly ruining my life. Since the kitchen up there was still not functional, everyone has taken to coming down to the Guest House kitchen for meals.

"Yes" I sighed.

"Yes? Is that all you have to say for yourself?" she fumed with her hands on her hips.

"What do you want me to say?" I replied, sitting back down on the couch...cautiously...and running my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"Well you could start by telling me why you decided to shove tonight's dinner up your ass!".

"That was actually my fault." Bella said, as she skipped...yeah, fucking skipped...into the room. All she needed was a Blue Bird on her shoulder to complete this "Zippity Doo Dah" attitude she was working this morning. "I left a straight pin on the couch and Edward sat on it. I thought the steak would help.".

How the fuck was she saying this bullshit with a straight face?

"I'm done in the bathroom, why don't you go take a shower, baby. We need to leave for school in a bit." Bella said, as she winked at me.

I grunted at her and stood, picking up my steak and waddling my way to the bathroom with as much dignity as I could muster.

**BPOV**

I watched as Edward made his way to the bathroom. I kind of felt bad. I should have thought about using lube. Maybe next time.

I turned and skipped off into the kitchen, pouring myself a cup of coffee. I turned around and came face to face with Esme.

"A straight pin?".

"Sure. Why not?" I smiled over the rim of my cup.

"And how big was this alleged straight pin?" Jasper asked, joining the interrogation. "About the size of a finger...give or take?".

The irony of him flexing his left index finger as he said this didn't escape me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said defensively, taking a bite out of the muffins that Esme made.

Just then, Renee came breezing in the back door.

"Good morning, Sweetie." she said, giving me a hug. "Last day of school before Christmas Break, you kids must be happy.".

"Bella and I are. But someone shoved a digit up Edwards ass." Jasper told her, winking at me.

"Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that he's not a morning person." she cluelessly replied, throwing a newspaper on the counter. "OH Esme! I meant to tell you, I decided to call Animal Control this morning about that critter we heard wailing in pain last night. That poor thing sounded like it was in so much agony...I couldn't bear the thought of it suffering.".

At Renee's words, I spewed coffee all over the kitchen in shock! Esme spun around and looked at me having put two and two together. Unfortunately, Jasper had also caught on.

"I don't think that was necessary, Renee" Esme said politely. "That thing, whatever it was, is probably miles away by now.".

"Or it's in the shower, with a steak on it's ass." Jasper mumbled around spoonfuls of cereal.

"I'm sorry...what was that Jasper?" Renee asked. "It sounded like you said it was in the shower with a steak in it's ass.".

"Oh no." Esme fake laughed. "I think you're just hearing things Renee.".

"Yeah." Jasper agreed, you are hearing things. "I said it had a steak ON it's ass, not up it..".

I walked over to the table where Jasper was sitting and stomped on his foot.

"Ow! Fuck Bells." Jasper wailed.

Renee glanced around at the three of us suspiciously and then looked down the hallway toward the bathroom, where the shower was running.

"Is there something going on that I should know about?".

"NO!" the three of us blurted in unison.

Right then the bathroom door opened and Edward emerged, waddling and holding the steak to his ass.

"Oh! Hey Renee." he said, offering her a smile, before walking into the bedroom.

Renee said nothing, she just pursed her lips, pulled out her cell phone and started dialing.

"Who are you calling?" Esme asked.

"Animal Control...unless of course you want your son euthanized.".

**EPOV**

Bella and I finally managed to make it out of the house. I thought Renee was never going to quit staring at me. It was even weird that when I asked Bella to pass me a muffin, Renee tackled her and started dumping some of that liquid hand sanitizer all over her hands.

"So the moms, Jasper and Alice are going to go over to the McCarty's after school." Bella told me, trying to make normal small talk with me.

"Are we waiting in the get away car, then?".

"No, Jasper's Mustang is too fast for Mr. McCarty's Hummer. As long as Jasper can make it out the door...he should be fine.".

I pulled the Volvo into the school parking lot and carefully got out of the car.

"Edward! Bella!" Alice sang, jogging across the lot to us, with Jasper in tow.

"What the fuck is she wearing?" I asked Bella. Alice had on a huge button down shirt, that looked like it could have belonged to Emmett at one time.

"She's afraid that she's showing too much and that everyone will know." Bella said out the side of her mouth, trying to hold a smile on her face. "Don't you say one fucking word to her.".

How did she expect me not to say anything? She looked ridiculous! The shirt was so big, that it caught the wind and ballooned out, making it look like she was smuggling a small elephant under her shirt.

I caught Jasper's eye and saw them narrow in warning. Apparently everyone was in agreement that nothing was to be said to Alice.

I get that she's insecure about people knowing that she's pregnant, but how she could look in the mirror and think that was the best way to hide it, is totally beyond me. She looked ready to pop in that thing!

I rolled my eyes and pulled Bella towards the school with me, as Alice followed along. Her mouth moving a mile a minute.

"God, I hope no one saw us at the hospital yesterday!"

"We were in Port Angeles, Alice. I'm sure it will be fine." Bella soothed.

"I would just die if people found out before I had a chance to tell my parents and Emmett.".

"Emmett?" Jasper squeaked. I smiled, clearly Jasper had forgotten about Alice's much bigger and irrationally hostile older brother. Since he had found out about Rosalie being pregnant, he's been looking for any excuse to lay some smack down.

Alice turned around and looked at Jasper's paled face. "Well I can't not tell him, Jazz. He's going to be Uncle, he deserves to know.".

Luckily the 5 minute warning bell rang, effectively ending the conversation. We all made our way to our classes.

I had first period English with both Bella and Alice. We took our normal seats in the back of the class and I got up to sharpen my pencil. When I got back, I sat down and immediately jumped right back out of my seat. I looked down and there on my chair was the blow up ass cushion I had bought for Bella a month ago.

"Sorry baby, but I thought you might find that useful today. I know it's not a steak, but it does help with the discomfort!" she snickered, as Alice buried her head in her arm laughing.

"Very fucking funny!" I snarled, shoving it back into her back pack. Everyone just has to be a fucking comedian.

The morning wore on and before long it was lunchtime. Bella and I had already settled into our regular lunch table with our lunches, when Jasper came over.

"Hey Edward! Check it out, we're having Salisbury STEAK for lunch! Are you planning to eat yours or shove it down your pants?".

"Haha...so funny!" I mocked, flinging a spork full of mashed potatoes at his head.

"Asshat!" Jasper yelled, whipping the potatoes from his forehead.

Just then, Alice came running into the cafeteria, tears streaming down her face.

"All right! Which one of you fuckers told?" she cried.

Bella, Jasper and I all looked between one another, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"TELL ME!" Alice screamed, drawing the attention of virtually everyone in the cafeteria.

"Alright, this isn't happening here." I stood up and escorted Alice from the cafeteria by her elbow, with Jasper and Bella following.

We got outside in the court yard and I released Alice and turned on her."OK, now do you mind telling us what the hell you are talking about?".

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" she yelled, poking me in the chest. "One of you fuckers opened your mouths about the babies!".

"Um, no we didn't Alice." Bella said, stepping in between Alice and myself. "Edward and I have all the same classes, so I know for a fact neither of us talked and we all know Jasper would never do something like that to you.".

"Then why did I just over hear Jessica Stanley tell Lauren Mallory that I was pregnant in the bathroom!" Alice fumed. "Someone told, Bella!".

"Well I don't know what to tell you Alice, but it wasn't us."

I spoke up then. The answer to how that rumor got started was beyond obvious."I think maybe your clothing choices might have something to do with this, Alice.".

"What the fuck are you talking about Edward?" she growled.

"Oh, I don't know Alice...who designed your shirt? PT Barnum? You showed up in a circus tent for Christ sake!".

"What does my shirt have to do with anything?" she cried, looking down at herself.

I sighed and turned her toward the floor to ceiling windows that lined the outside of the court yard, so she could see her reflection.

Alice took one look at herself and gasped. "Oh my god!".

"No offense Ali, but that shirt makes it look like your due...I don't know...tomorrow?" I said, quietly. Trying to be sympathetic.

Alice stared at herself in the window for several minutes, before turning on all of us.

"How could you assholes not tell me? I bet you've been laughing behind my back all morning!" she cried, before turning and running off toward the parking lot.

Jasper shot Bella and I an apologetic look and took after a distraught Alice.

**BPOV**

"I'm going to kill Jessica Stanley!" I murmured, watching Jasper and Alice run off.

Edward pulled me into his arms. "I don't like Jessica either, but for the time being I think we need to stay out of this one.".

"What?" I growled at him.

He pulled me tighter to him, so he could speak directly into my ear. "I just think that we are letting everyone elses problems affect us too much. I've missed you for the last month...I've missed us. My dad and Rosalie's problems got between us and now Jasper and Alice's are threatening to do that as well. I think we just need to step back and concentrate on Edward and Bella and let everyone deal with their own shit.".

I felt all the fight drain out of me. He was right. We took it upon ourselves to tell Esme about Carlisle and Rosalie. If we had left well enough alone, she wouldn't have trashed the house, ruined Thanksgiving Dinner and I wouldn't have gotten food poisoning.

Truth be told, I was missing us as well. I love Edward with all my heart and I let a intrusive finger and a Suppository come between us. I thought revenge would feel good..._don't even go there sister! You know you enjoyed that shit!_

Anyway, Edward is right. This is Alice and Jasper's problem to deal with. I will be here to support them anyway I can, but they are going to have clean up their own mess.

"You're right." I sighed. "I have been letting other people's issues come between us. I'm sorry.".

I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him passionately.

God, I've missed your lips!" I mumbled. "I love you.".

"I love you too." he breathed into my mouth. "Now lets get back and finish lunch.".

**EPOV**

I lead Bella back into the cafeteria, finally feeling like everything between us was right again. As much as I loved Jasper and Alice, I won't sacrifice my relationship with Bella to protect them from the fallout of their own mistakes. Sometimes it's best for people to own their shit and deal with it on their own. I won't let their stress, become our stress.

We had just finished the rest of our lunch and were headed to go dump our trays, when we walked by Jessica Stanley's table and heard her rather loudly say, "Oh look, is that a baby bump I see on Bella too. I told you her and Alice had a pact and were trying trap Edward and Jasper!".

Her whole table erupted into a fit of nervous laughter.

"So when are you due, Bella?" Jessica laughed. "Is it even Edwards? I heard you were blowing the janitor in the broom closet at the hospital when Edward was in his coma!".

That's it! I turned around to put this fucking bitch in her place, but was too late. I could only watch in horror as Bella's tray smacked Jessica upside the head, knocking her off the chair she was perched in and covering her from head to toe in mashed potatoes and Salisbury steak. The entire room went dead quiet.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ARE!" Bella screamed squatting down and getting in her face. "What makes you think you have the right to treat people like this?".

I looked around and everyone was wide eyed and frozen. Even the cafeteria monitors were unable to move.

"I have done NOTHING to you Jessica! It's not my fault that Edward loves me and not you! So you can stop punishing me for it now. What? You think that if you rag on me hard enough, that Edward won't want me anymore and you'll have a chance? Newsflash! HE WILL NEVER WANT YOU!".

I tugged on Bella's arm to pull her away from Jessica. I was afraid at this point that Bella would punch her or something. Not that I didn't want to see that happen, I just didn't want it to happen at school. Bella could get into a lot of trouble. Hell, she may already be, considering she slapped Jessica in the head with an aluminum tray.

"You're pathetic Jessica, you really are. You think all of these people are your disciples and that they worship you. That's laughable...it really is! The ONLY reason any of them pay you an ounce of attention, is because they are afraid. They are afraid that you are going to talk trash about them and turn your craziness around on them! You have nothing real in your life, Jessica. No real friends, no real popularity and no real relationship. NOBODY WANTS YOU!".

Bella finally let me move her and we started back towards the door, leaving a crying and flaming red Jessica behind. Just as we were walking out the door, Jessica yelled out, "HE ONLY WANTS YOU BECAUSE YOU PUT OUT, WHORE!".

Bella dead stopped and turned around with a menacing look on her face. "Oh blow it out your ass, Jessica! Your days of bullying people are over. You're nothing but a piece of shit sitting in a pile of mashed potatoes!".

Bella grabbed my hand, pushed the doors open and walked out. The doors had barely even closed when we heard it. The entire cafeteria had erupted! They were laughing and chanting Bella's name so loud that teachers came running down the halls from all directions.

"Where are we off to love?" I asked, afraid of her answer.

"To the office." she sighed, but with the biggest smile possible on her face. "I figure it might be better if I turn myself in.".

"I think you in-sighted a riot back there!" I laughed, putting my arm around her waist and pulling her into my side. "I'm going with you to the office. Hopefully they'll send us both home.".

"You want me to get suspended?" she said incredulously.

"No" I smiled. "I want US to get suspended, so I can take my super hot girlfriend home and fuck her to within an inch of her life! You have no idea how hot you were just now!".

Bella groaned and playfully punched me in the stomach. "God you are such a perv!".

"Hey! You're the one that told me that sometimes a girl just wants to be fucked. Don't you imagine that could be true for a guy as well?".

Bella stopped dead in the hallway. "Really? But you're always so sweet and gentle. I kind of felt like a ho that day. Like I was pushing you to let go.".

I smiled and leaned down into her ear, so only she could hear me.

"Oh no, Isabella. Sometimes I have to hold myself back from flipping you onto your knees and burying cock balls deep in your delectable little kitty. Other times when we're in public, I can only think about the way you taste and having you straddle my face so I can eat your...pussy...like a mad man.".

I grabbed Bella's elbow as I pulled away, to keep her from falling back into the locker behind her when her knee's about gave out.

"Oh my god!" she gasped, her beautiful brown eyes wide with shock. "Edward! You said "Pussy"!

I smiled and put my arm back around her waist as we started walking down the hall again.

"I know" I laughed and cringed, wrinkling up my nose. "And now I feel like I have to go wash my mouth out and sterilize my hands!".

We were still laughing when we walked around the corner and found the Principal standing there holding the office door open.

"Miss Swan. Mr. Cullen" he acknowledged. "I've been expecting you.".

**Yup, definitely have some teenage rebellion going on. You mix that with hormones and a sexy boyfriend and getting suspended really isn't that bad! :) Do we love it or hate it? Talk to me kids! The more reviews I get, the more I write and the faster I update! **

**Love, Kari**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another early chapter! You guys are killing me! But I love all the reviews that I get...so I can't justify keeping you guys waiting! OK, I need you guys to work with me on this chapter. I need the plot line to move along faster...so I fast tracked it. Everything that is mentioned in this chapter CAN happen. But I'll explain more at the bottom.**

**Also, as you may noticed, I changed my Author Name. Sorry about that. But someone was trying to hack my account. It was really bizarre and my settings were all screwed up and a few people got messages from my account that I didn't send. So I am xXKiwiCullenXx now! **

**Another note, I only allow my stories to be translated into other languages, if I am given full credit for having written them. If you translate them without giving me credit...I won't be happy and neither will you! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**BPOV**

Edward and I were escorted into the office by Principal Mathers, who has always been a rather stoic man, which is why I was startled to see an amused smirk on his face.

"So Edward and Bella. Who would like to explain what happened first? I got a call from the lunch room, but I think I'd like to hear your take on it.".

"Er, I hit Jessica Stanley with my lunch tray, Sir." I said, biting my lip, trying to hold back my smile.

"Excuse me, Sir." Edward cut in, giving me the stink eye. "But that is not ALL that happened. Bella was provoked by Jessica. As we walked by her table, Jessica was very obnoxiously informing the entire cafeteria that Bella and Alice McCarty had made a pact to get pregnant and trap myself and Jasper Whitlock. She went so far as to suggest that Bella was already pregnant.".

"I see." Principal Mathers mumbled, raising an eye brow in my direction. "And are you pregnant, Miss Swan?".

"NO!" I blurted, offended that he'd even ask such a thing. "And really, it's not just this situation. Jessica has been a problem for months. She's relentlessly pursued Edward, even though she knows that he and I are together.".

"Her behavior is borderline Stalkerish at this point." Edward agreed. "She spent the 3 days that I was unconscious in the hospital back in September, trying to get into my room. When she finally succeeded, she kept babbling on and on about how she knew I was in love with her and that Bella was keeping us apart. It was really frightening, Sir.".

"Well, it sounds like we have a really serious problem here." Principal Mathers nodded. "I know that Jessica Stanley has had issue in the past. Ones that the school has been reluctant to deal with appropriately, due to her being the offspring of the Mayor and all. But it sounds like her behavior is bordering on criminal and that I cannot over look any longer.".

"Thank you, Sir." Edward replied with a grateful sigh.

"However," Principal Mathers continued."I cannot allow a physical act of violence to go unpunished either. So that being said, I think the both of you should take the rest of the day off. I am not going to write this up as a suspension. I would hate to see either one of your bright futures marred by this unfortunate incident.".

"Thank you!" I sang, grateful that he was a reasonable man.

"Also, since I have you both in my office." he smiled. "I would like to discuss something with the both of you.".

Edward and I looked at one another, praying that we weren't about to get another safe sex lecture or something equally as embarrassing.

"Don't worry" Principal Mathers, laughed. "Reaching for his phone and dialing an extension, this isn't an embarrassing lecture. Mrs. Cope and I just wanted to speak with you about some academic issues.".

He turned in his seat with the receiver to his ear. "Yes, . I have Edward Cullen and Bella Swan in my office, if you'd like to come down right now to talk with them.".

I looked over at Edward with a questioning look on my face and he just shrugged. Well, I guess if he's not concerned, I'm not going to be either!

A few minutes later the door opened and Mrs. Cope stepped inside cradling two folders to her chest.

"Edward. Bella." she smiled, shaking hands with each of us. "I have some really good news for the two of you and an interesting proposal for both of you!".

"OK." Edward and I replied in unison. Causing Principal Mathers and Mrs. Cope to chuckle at us.

"Well Bella, this last September you took the Advanced Placement Exam to move from a Sophomore to a Junior." Mrs. Cope said, excitedly. " And I was stunned by how well you did. So I sent a copy of your exam and the results to the state for further consideration. Yesterday I received this response from them!".

She handed me over the paper that she had been excitedly waving about during her speech.

_Dear Mrs. Cope,_

_After further review of the Advanced Placement Examination completed by Isabella Swan, a student at Forks High School. It is our opinion that her exemplary test scores and above average marks in all of her classes, warrant a 12__th__ Grade placement. Normally we would suggest that such advanced students, as Miss Swan, remain in their current grade and be offered Advanced Placement Classes with which to earn college credit, as well as, High School credit. However, since an Advanced Placement Program such as this, is not offered at Forks High, we are confident in our decision to allow Miss Swan to advance to grade 12, for the Spring Semesters and graduate in June with her other academic peers. _

_Please pass along our congratulations to Miss Swan. May she go on to do great things._

"HOLY CRAP!" I yelled. Making Edward lean over in his chair and read the piece of paper that was shaking in my hands.

A wide smile broke out on his face. "Oh my God, baby! You're a Senior!".

"Is this real?" I asked Mrs. Cope, tears streaking down my face.

"Yes" she smiled, excitedly. "When we start the next semester, after Christmas Break, you will be officially re-enrolled as a Senior!".

I was so happy! I wish my father could have been here to witness this. Not because he would have been proud of me, but because I wanted him to see that I was really going to leave Forks. And to be able to do it a year early, that was just WOW!".

I looked over at Edward and he was beaming with pride. I could really tell he was happy for me. But suddenly the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

"I can't do this!" I whispered, my smile melting into a frown as I handed the paper back to Mrs. Cope.

"What? Why?" everyone in the room cried at the same time.

I turned to Edward. "You!" I sniffled, fighting back a sob. "This would mean leaving you behind next year and that's not an option!".

"Oh love." Edward cooed, hugging me tightly to him. "We'll find a way to make it work. But I am not letting you pass up an opportunity this big, just because you are worried about leaving me behind...".

Mrs. Cope interrupted Edward with a polite cough.

"Actually Bella, you wouldn't really be leaving Edward behind.".

"What?" we both gasped.

"That's the other thing. We finally got ALL of Edwards transcripts from his other school." she said, flipping through his file and producing another piece of paper. "Edward you needed 6 ½ MORE credits to graduate from your old High School then you do from Forks, since it was an elite private school. Their curriculum was geared toward prepping their students for an Ivy League education. We're a public school, geared toward prepping you for any kind of college education. That being said, the difference in graduation requirements, puts you 1 ½ Semesters above everyone else in the Junior class.".

"So what are you saying?" he asked, hesitantly. But I was already beaming having done the math and figured out what she was trying to say.

"What I am saying is..." Mrs. Cope started.

"You'll have all the credits you need to graduate by June!" I yelled, jumping out of my chair and launching myself at him.

'"Seriously?" Edward whispered to Mrs. Cope and Principal Mathers, over my shoulder.

"Yes Edward." Mrs. Cope laughed. "Next Semester you will be re-enrolled as a Senior for your final Semester here at Forks High School. Congratulations to you both.".

"But we haven't applied to any colleges." Edward said, still in shock.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot!" Mrs. Cope replied, handing us both two Manila envelopes. "I made some calls to UW on your behalf. I explained the situation and they offered you both an early acceptance! Of course, this means that you don't qualify for any type of scholarship or financial aid, but somehow I didn't think that would be a problem.".

"No, not at all." Edward responded, with a bright smile. "And UW was our first choice!".

"I know! I talked with your mother this morning Edward. She gave me permission to contact UW on your behalf. " Mrs. Cope smiled. "I talked to your mother too, Bella. After I calmed her down, I was able to find out your preference for UW as well.".

"I can't believe this happening!" my smile so big, it threatened to split my face in two.

"I can't wait to tell Jasper!" Edward laughed.

My smile instantly fell.

"Jasper and Alice!" I gasped, looking at Edward and throwing my hand over my mouth. "How can we leave them now, when they will need us the most?".

"Shit!" Edward sighed, shooting an apologetic glance at the adults in the room. "I didn't even think...".

"I talked with Alice and Jasper just before I came in to see the two of you." Mrs. Cope, cut in. "In light of the circumstances, they've both opted to get their High School Equivelency Diploma. With that, Jasper can start college courses next fall at the Community College and Alice can go...when the opportunity presents itself.".

"They dropped out!" I said, stunned and hurt that they hadn't discussed it with us first.

"No." Principal Mathers cut in. "It is most certainly NOT dropping out. They will just be taking an exam similar to the one you took. If they pass...they receive their diploma.".

"And, they sent you their congratulations." Mrs. Cope smiled. "I kind of let the cat out of the bag and they were genuinely happy for both of you.".

"Wow" I sighed, in disbelief. "This is really happening.".

"Fuck yes it is!" Edward whooped, picking me up and twirling me around Principal Mathers office.

"Language, Mr. Cullen." Principal Mathers reminded with a smile.

**EPOV**

I can't believe it! Bella and I are going to be Seniors! Hell, we ARE Seniors! I felt like I was walking on a cloud. I practically dragged Bella out of the school, as I couldn't get home fast enough to celebrate!

The trip home felt like it took hours, instead of minutes. I pulled up to the cottage, spraying rocks all over with the back tires, as I locked up the brakes and brought the Volvo to a sudden and violent stop. I ran around the car and retrieved a laughing Bella from the front seat.

"In a hurry?" she chuckled, as I kicked the passengers side door shut with my foot. Making a mental note to come out and kiss my baby and apologize for the abuse to her paint job later.

I didn't answer Bella's question. I just jammed my key in the door and threw it open so harshly that it bounced off the wall and slammed shut all by itself behind us.

I carried Bella through the house and deposited her on the bed with a bounce. She squealed and laughed as I attacked her. Attempting to pull her shoes and jeans off in one fell swoop.

"Edward!" she laughed. "You're a mad man!".

"Not mad." I panted, almost out of breath from my frantic movements. "Just horny!".

I was quickly getting frustrated though. Bella was wearing a pair of those super skinny jeans, that fit like a second skin. As I pulled on them, they got stuck around her ankles and I couldn't figure out how to get them over her feet, the leg holes were so damn small.

As I pulled and tugged and fought like hell with the jeans, I was cursing up a fucking storm and unknowingly was rolling and flipping Bella all over the bed. It wasn't until she actually went ass over elbow off the side, landing on the floor with a thud, that I realized what I had been doing.

"Oh shit!" I yelled, scrambling around to the other side of the bed, finding Bella sprawled out on the floor rubbing her elbow. "Baby, I am so fucking sorry!".

"What the fuck, Edward!" she wailed. "I think you gave me a concussion and rug burn!".

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "It was those damn jeans baby! The only way those fuckers are coming off is with some serious lube and the Jaws Of Life!".

"Grrr!" she growled, straightening out her foot and easily slipping the jeans off. "And you didn't think to ask for assistance! If I can put the fucking things on, don't you think I could get them off as well!".

"Are you like fucking Houdini or something? How did you do that?" I asked, as I watched her slip them off in amazement.

"Help me up." she frowned, holding a hand out to me. When I had her standing again, she was moving her neck around like it was stiff or something.

"You alright, love?" I asked, worried that I had given her whiplash or something.

"I realize you were too focused on your mission, but have you seen a bear attack on TV?"

"Yeah.".

"Well that is what you were doing to me Edward! At one point I was looking down at the situation from the ceiling! I honestly thought you were going to pull a Hammer Throw on me! Do you even realize how afraid of heights I am! You had me by the ankles and were just throwing me all over and everywhere! I don't care how hard your dick is, that kind of man handling is uncalled for!" she fumed.

I stood there and took the verbal ass beating she was giving me. My mind totally agreed with her, I deserved to be punished. But my dick had other idea's. He wanted me to serve time in a cold dark cellar with floggers, paddles and nipple clamps!

"Seriously Edward! You just threw my ass all over the room by my ankles and your dick is hard? Are you kidding me?" she screamed, pointing at the tent in my jeans.

"I can't help it!" I yelled back at her. "He thinks you're hot when you're angry!".

"Fuck me sideways!" she muttered.

And that's all the encouragement I needed. I tackled her to the bed and attacked her neck with my mouth.

"That was a statement not an invitation!" she laughed.

Laughing is good. Laughing means she isn't going to kick me in the gnads and make me stop! So I reach for the hem of her shirt and yank it over her head. She's still laughing. I look down at her bra, the savage beast inside says "Rip it off!". I grab a fist full in the center and pull it all the way back by my ear giving it a sharp tug before I release it.

It doesn't rip.

I watch in slow motion as it sling shots back toward Bella's chest with a resounding SNAP!

"JESUS MOTHER OF FUCK!" Bella screams, rolling out from underneath me.

"It didn't rip!" I whisper.

"God! Ouch! It hurts! It hurts!" Bella is wailing, rolling around on the bed next to me cradling her chest.

"It didn't rip." I say again.

"What the fuck was that about, Edward? My tits will never be right again!" Bella yells.

"It didn't rip!" I repeat.

"Ya think!" she growls. "And what are you now? Fucking Rain Man or something?".

I shake my head and finally snap out of my trance of disbelief, pulling her into my lap and hugging her to me.

"Love, I am so sorry! I honestly thought it would tear away from you!".

"Well it didn't!" she cried, slugging me in the chest.

I ignore her punches and feel around to the back of her bra.

"What did you do, baby? Weld this shit together?"

"NO!" she said, reaching back and flicking the closure open. "Why can't you take stuff off like a normal person?".

I look down at her chest and can clearly see a black and blue line starting to form across her tits, right above the nipples.

I let out a long breath, grateful that I didn't ruin the turkey timers. Of course my breath makes contacts with her nips and they harden...my dick takes notice.

I lean down and kiss along the ugly looking bruise forming. It comes off as a sweet gesture, until my cock begs me to take one of the tight pink buds in my mouth.

Bella slaps me in the head then.

"Oh no you don't!" she says, covering her chest with her arms. "Your done playing with anything from the waist up today.".

My eyes tighten with lust and grab a fist full of her panties. She slaps my hand away before I can pull.

"I don't think so, Mister!" she says, shimming her own panties down her leg. "I don't need you tearing my crack all the way up my back!".

I laugh at her and then lay my nude and beautiful Bella out before me on the bed and just look at her. I take in her perfect (and quickly bruising) breasts, her taunt stomach, narrow hips and then my eyes travel lower and come to a screeching halt.

"Baby, I know you're 'put off' by the idea of waxing again and honestly, I really can't blame you. But would at least consider shaving? For me?"

Bella sat up on her elbows and looked down her torso at herself.

"Is it really that bad?" turning her head at different angles, trying to get the best view.

"I don't know." I said, gently stroking the unruly mound of coarse hair. "But I do kinda feel like I want to tease it with a Slim Jim.".

"Edward!" she shrieked, slapping me upside the head. "My kitty does NOT look like a Big Foot!".

"YOU ASKED!" I yelled, watching as she pick up all of her clothes and retreated to the bathroom.

I look down at my rock hard cock, that is desperately trying to slash his way out of my jeans. I grab my junk and give him a reassuring rub.

"Sorry buddy. But it looks daddy screwed up again and playtime is over." I sigh.

**Who thinks Eddie is in the dog house again? OK, about their sudden advancement into 12th grade. This can totally happen. With public school budgets being slashed, advanced placement programs are being cut, so they are promoting exceptional students to compensate. There was just a huge article on this in our local paper. Also, my sister moved to another state last year and my niece was a Junior in High School. At her new school however, it was determined that she only had enough credits to be a Sophomore at their school. Different schools, have different requirements, sometimes you come out ahead...sometimes you come out behind. So this scenario is plausible...so please keep the verbal beatings to a minimum! :)**

**Love, Kari**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello everyone! So sorry about the late posting! My daughter turned 15 last week and we had a weekend long celebration, so there was much to be done around the house. Then on top of that, bad luck struck! My laptop quit working and I lost 3/4 of this chapter that I had written. So last night I pulled a marathon writing spree and hammered this one out in just under 3 hours! **

**Anyway, so my apologies and if it helps, I am hard at work at Chapter 7 and you should see that post early! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"Bella love, please open the door." I plead for the millionth time. I was now sitting on the floor outside the bathroom. My legs started to get tired after standing at the door and begging for over an hour.

I've tried everything. Begging, pleading, rationalizing…nothing was working.

Suddenly it hit me. There was still one method I hadn't stooped to yet. I quickly stood up and braced myself with both hands on either side of the door frame. I took a deep breath and said a silent prayer.

"Bella, could you stop being childish and open the damn door. You're seriously acting like a two year old!"

Two seconds later, the door flew open and there was a red faced, totally pissed off, beautiful bull standing in front of me. _Ding, ding, ding! Looks like the "Piss her off" tactic is the winner!_

Bella was breathing heavily, her nostrils were flared, her hair was all fucked up and she was practically vibrating with anger. If I wasn't so turned on, I might have actually been afraid of her.

"How dare you! You're the one telling me that my_ PUSSY _isn't good enough for you!" she snarled me. Yeah, and she actually put emphasis on the fact that she said "pussy". _Sticks and stones, Bella!_

I fought back the smile that wanted to plaster itself across my face. She was just too damn cute when she's pissed off.

"I never said that your _KITTY_ wasn't good enough for me! I just asked if you'd be interested in shaving it or cleaning it up a bit."

I saw her eyes grow huge and her cheeks puff out when I said "cleaning it up a bit", so I immediately back tracked a bit.

"No, no, no! I was not even implying that you're dirty down there, so don't even go there!" I begged. "In fact, I happen to think you have the sweetest snatch around."

I watched her shoulders slump then and breathed a sigh of relief, before I continued.

"Baby if you want to go native and do the au' natural thing, that's fine. I just would be lying if I said I didn't prefer you when you're bare. "I shrugged.

Bella eye balled me for a second and then turned and went back in the bathroom, sitting down on the closed toilet lid. I took this as an invitation to join her, so I sat down next to her on the edge of the bath tub.

"So why didn't you just say that Edward!" she huffed. "Why did you have to make the Big Foot comment? That really hurt my feelings."

"I'm sorry." I said softly, taking her hand in mine. "I guess I'm just a thoughtless 17 year old guy and it's starting to show."

"That's an excuse!" she mumbled. "You didn't have a filter problem in the beginning."

I had to fight the urge to laugh at her. If only she had been privy to some of the conversations that went on in my head!

"Yes I was, Bella. I've always been this way. It was just harder to see, because of all the drama and shit we had going on in the beginning. Plus it was a new relationship and we were holding pieces of ourselves back, trying to figure each other out. But you knew I was impulsive from the get go. I tend to do and say a lot of things without thinking."

"I didn't know that!" she sniffed, getting defensive.

"Oh really?" I chuckled. "Didn't you think that it was rather impulsive of me to approach a girl in a restaurant, because I thought she was beautiful? Was it impulsive of me to pay $500 to have Chinese food delivered, because I got the beautiful girl to come home with me and she was hungry? Was it impulsive of me to walk in a store and a buy us these dog tags" I said, flicking her set with my finger.  
"So that the beautiful girl would know that I already knew after one day, that I would want her for the rest of my life?"

Bella snorted a laugh then and wiped her nose with some toilet paper. "OK, OK, OK…I get it. You are Captain Impulsive!"

"That's all I'm saying. " I laughed, giving her hand a squeeze. "I know I give Jasper a lot shit for being an ass and seemingly always saying the wrong thing. But his verbal diarrhea is the chronic strain and mine is more acute. So I technically still have the right to be critical."

Bella barked a real laugh then and nodded her head in agreement. "I can't argue with that!"

"But I am sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt your feelings. I guess I just assumed that the atmosphere was more playful than it actually was."

"Thank you" she said, pulling me to the floor with her and leaning her head against my shoulder. "And I'm sorry I over reacted. I should have known you'd never said anything to intentionally hurt me…"

"No, I wouldn't. I would rather cut my dick off then ever hurt you." I interrupted.

Bella smiled and playfully nudged my shoulder before continuing.

"I guess I was just embarrassed more than anything. I should have realized that things were getting…hairy…down there. I can chalk it up to having been raised without a mother's guidance, but at the end of the day, it's on me to pay attention to the details."

A few silent minutes went by, before I finally sucked it up and asked the question I was dying to have answered. Maybe it was the wrong time, but what the hell.

"So have you decided to shave?"

I felt her tense next me and braced myself for impact. But after a minute or so, she relaxed and swallowed loudly.

"Um, I could I guess…" she trailed off. I waited for her to continue. But she just pulled her hand back from mine and started picking at her fingers like she always does when she's uncomfortable.

"But…" I encouraged.

She huffed in anger and threw her hands over her face, resting her elbows on her pulled up knees before blurting, "I'm scared OK! What happens if I accidentally shaved my clit off or something?"

I sucked my lips into a straight line and turned my head away from her, in a desperate attempt to hold in the obnoxious laughter that was fighting to escape.

Bella sat up and leaned around me trying to see my face. I tried to pull my head back, further away from her, but the tremor that rocked my body, gave me away.

"Damn it, Edward! It's not funny!" she yelled.

"I know it's not, love" I coughed, trying to mask a chuckle. "Just give me a minute please."

She threw herself back against the wall and folded her arms defensively across her chest. Did I mention she's cute when she's angry?

I finally got a hold of myself and turned my attention back to her. She looked like she was completely humiliated. I needed to do something to ease her worries and let her know that I am not laughing at her. I mean taking a razor to your privates is something to be concerned about and felt like such an ass for trivializing it.

I grabbed a hold of her chin and turned her head so she was looking at me.

"Love, it's OK, really." I soothed. "I was nervous the first time I manscaped too."

"You manscape?" she asked. Her chocolate brown eyes going wide with wonder.

"Yes" I laughed. "I wouldn't be able to get my zipper up without some serious pain if I didn't!"

"Huh, I guess I never paid that much attention. Everything just looked so neat and clean." She said quietly.

"Well, here take a look!" I told her, jumping to my feet and letting my pants drop to the floor.

Bella looked up at me and giggled a little when she noticed my dick twitch. Like I can help it, the fucker has a mind of his own.

"Edward, are you not wearing underwear?" she chuckled.

"Eh, sometimes I free ball it. Why?"

"Oh nothing." She laughed. "I just keep hearing "Beans and Franks" in my head."

Beans and what? What the fuck does _that_ mean?

"Bella, no offense, but what the hell are you talking about?"

"You've never seen 'There's Something About Mary'?" she laughed.

"Uh. No."

"Oh! Well never mind then." She snickered.

Irritated that I wasn't being let in on the joke, I bent down and retrieved my pants from where they had pooled around my ankles.

"Your business" she said, waving one hand at my crotch. "Looks nice by the way."

"Thank you" I smiled, carefully tugging up my zipper.

"So you shave it?" she asked.

"Well no." I said, lowering myself to sit back on the floor beside her. "I use a beard and mustache trimmer with the Number 2 guard on it."

"Could I do that too?" she asked, sitting up excitedly.

"I guess you could." I laughed. "But if you want to go completely bare, then you'll have to use a straight razor."

"Oh." She huffed, leaning back into the wall with disappointment.

I grabbed her hand again and pulled her into my lap so she was straddling me.

"But it will take you down to stubble, so there really wouldn't be that much to shave off." I whispered in her ear, before gently sucking the lobe into my mouth. "You could get it done in no time at all. And if you're _really nice, _I'll even let you use my shaving cream."

"Will you do it for me?" she panted into my ear.

I froze and I think my brain might have spontaneously combusted.

"Do what for you?" I whispered, afraid to embarrass myself, in case I had heard her wrong.

She pulled her head back, so she could look in m eyes.

"Shave me."

Yup! I heard her right and someone is going to need to charge the paddles. I think my fucking heart just stopped.

**BPOV**

The look on Edward's face when I asked him to shave me was priceless. It was a cross between completely turned on and totally horrified. I waited patiently for him to gather himself.

Finally he looked up at me.

"Um" he squeaked, covering his mouth and clearing his throat, before starting again. "Um, I guess I could. If you're sure that's what you want."

I bit my bottom lip to hold back a laugh. He was trying to go for a casual 'I could care less either way' vibe, but his eyes were saying anything but. They were practically begging me to say 'Yes, I want this'. And lucky for him… I did.

"Yes, I really want you to do it, Edward. I trust you 100% and have no problem putting my clit in your capable hands." I said proudly and with conviction.

A big wide smile lit up his face, making him look like a kid in a candy store.

"Here love. Get up for one up a sec." tapping me on my bottom and shifting me to the side.

Edward scrambled to his feet and started for the door, when I grabbed the back of his shirt. He stopped and looked down at my pathetic ass, as I whined, "Where are you going?"

I even batted my eye lashes and stuck my bottom lip out for good measure.

He laughed at my expression and then leaned down to tuck my pouting lower lip back in.

"I'm just going to the living room to get something. "He snickered. "Why don't you lose your clothes while I'm gone?"

Before I could even nod my head in agreement, he was gone. I quickly pulled off my clothes and wrapped myself up tightly in a towel.

I turned and looked at myself in the mirror and discovered that I was a total wreck! My mascara was all over the place; my hair looked like I could've just walked off the set of a White Snake video back in 1986 and the Pisa de resistance…the short towel I was wearing allowed my untamed snatch the ability to peek out the bottom!

I sighed in defeat. There was just no use in trying to cover it up. I'm going to be nude in front of Edward anyway in a few minutes. I guess the best I can hope for now, is that elephant doesn't come charging out of the bush, at trample him to death.

I took a brush to my hair and grabbed a hair tie from the drawer, throwing it all up into a messy bun. I also figured that I probably should brush my teeth. Why? I don't know?

"Nervous love?"

I jumped and attempted to scream around my tooth brush, spraying tooth paste and spit everywhere.

"Jebus Cwist" I attempted to yell, pulling my tooth brush from my mouth. "Do I need to put a bell on you or something?"

Edward's barked a laughed at me and handed me a towel.

"I'm sorry love. I thought you'd seen me come back."

I put both of my hands down on the vanity and attempted to get my heart rate under control.

"It's fine." I mumbled. "You just scared me."

Edward pulled me into his arms and rubbed my back soothingly. After a minute my heart slowed and I melted into his arms.

"All better now?" he chuckled.

"Yes" I sighed into his chest.

"Good."

Edward let go of me then and stepped up to the assortment of things he'd set on the vanity top. It was then that I noticed that he was completely nude. I watched the muscles in his ass move as he walked and stifled a groan.

Edward had the nicest ass, I swear. It was tight, compact, and muscular and looked great in a pair of tight fitting jeans! _Oh swoon!_

I shook my head and pulled my eyes away from his ass long enough to try to get a look over his shoulder at what he was doing. Unfortunately he caught me and used his hip to shove me away.

A second later and he reached over and shut the lights off, leaving the bathroom illuminated in the soft glow of candlelight as he scattered some candles throughout the room.

Once the last candle was lit, he reached in his drawer and pulled out his beard and mustache trimmer, a can of shaving cream and a new razor.

Once all his tools, for lack of a better word, were placed as he wanted them on the counter top, he came over and shocked me by kissing me as he gently pulled my towel away from me.

"Are you ready for this?" he smirked, when he had to help me steady myself. I swear it's like my legs are connected to my lips. Every time he kisses me they get weak!

"Yes" I whimpered.

"OK." He smiled. Picking me up and depositing me so I was sitting on the counter top, directly over the sink.

I cocked an eye brow at him in confusion.

"The sink will catch the hair." He said simply, reaching down and positioning my feet so they rested on the edge of counter top, spreading me wide open and leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. He then gently pushed back on my chest, so I had no choice but to tilt back and rest with my back against the mirror.

"So fucking sexy" he whispered against my lips, before laying a hot, wet kiss on me.

I was totally distracted by his lips, which I am sure was the point, so I jumped a bit when I heard the trimmer click on. It sounded like a cross between a weed whacker and a chain saw. I wondered idly how many volts that thing was packing.

Edward pulled back and offered me one of his lopsided grins, before dropping to his knees in front of me. I closed my eyes and tried to will my nerves into submission.

I don't know why I was making such a big deal about this. Gianna had used a trimmer on me when I went to go get my waxing done. I guess it was just because this was Edward and this was by far the intimate thing we'd ever done.

I was still lost in my musings, when I felt the trimmer make contact. Edward started at the top of my panty line and was making downward strokes, stopping just at the top of my lower lips.

I opened one eye and peeked down at him. The look of utter concentration on his face was almost comical. It looked like he was trying to solve a really hard math problem.

"Everything OK down there?" I asked, smirking.

His lips turned up at the corners as he repositioned himself so he could work on doing the lower lips now. He traded the up and down strokes for a top to bottom to method. I would be lying if I said the vibration of trimmer wasn't enjoyable.

"Every thing's fine" he mumbled. "I'm almost finished."

A few minutes later, he switched off the trimmer and wiped me down with a clean, damp towel.

I propped myself up on my hands and looked down at his handy work. The hair was trimmed down so low; my vag looked like it had a five o'clock shadow. It made me snicker.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, as he took the head off the trimmer and cleaned it.

"Nothing, my coochie just looks like Leonardo Dicaprio's face, that's all."

Edward rolled his eyes at me and then walked over and started drawing a bath, before holding his hand out to me.

"Doth the lady care to bathe with me this evening?"

"Sure." I smiled, taking his hand. "But shouldn't we finish what we started here first?"

"I'll do it in the tub." He smiled.

He helped me step down into the bath. Like the one in his bedroom, this tub was round and huge! I watched as Edward set the razor and shaving cream down on the side, before going back and filling a small bowl with water and setting it beside them, before slipping into the tub with me.

"What's the bowl for?" I asked, staring at the razor and wondering where all my faith went.

"I don't really want to bathe in your pubic hair and I figured you wouldn't want to either." He laughed.

He laid out a small towel on the side of the bath tub and motioned for me to come and sit on it. He positioned me much as he had before. My feet were up on the side of the tub and I was spread wide open for him.

"I think this is my new favorite position." He chuckled, running his hands up and down the inside of my upper thighs.

His hands felt so good on my body, that I was left wondering if all this wetness was strictly from the bath water.

Edward continued his ministrations with one hand, while the other reached over and grabbed the can of shaving cream.

He removed his hand from my thigh and sprayed of palm full of cream into it. He looked up at me and gave me slight smile, before slathering me with it. He was very thorough in making sure that the cream covered every where it needed to…and some places it didn't.

He then leaned over and quickly rinsed his hands in the bowl. I'm assuming that was because he didn't want to bathe in shaving cream water either.

He turned back to me and sat up on his knees, leaning in between legs and giving me a passionate kiss. Our tongues danced deliciously against one another and he actually had to hold my feet down so I wouldn't try and wrap my legs around his waist.

Edward broke from the kiss and kissed a trail down the side of the neck and my chest, stopping long enough to pull first one nipple, then the other into his mouth. After lavishing both of my breasts with attention, he continued his trek south, bringing his eyes up to meet mine as he dipped his tongue into my belly button.

I let my head loll back and low moan escape, when the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile. I had almost forgotten what we were supposed to be doing here, when I heard him shift and sit up.

My head snapped up just in time to see him bring the razor down on my skin. He planted kisses up and down my thighs as he ran the razor from top to bottom on my sex. He even wrapped his hand around my leg and used his thumb and index finger of one hand to hold my lower lips open while he shaved the delicate inner folds.

Edward was meticulous. He shaved every part of me, including the insides of each thigh. And he was so careful and caring. Each touch of the razor felt like a caress. When he finished, he grabbed a wash cloth and proceeded to clean me up, wiping away every last trace of shaving cream.

He then stood up and placed the bowl and cloth on the counter top. He came back to me when he was finished and kissed me hard.

I tore my lips from his and rested my forehead against his.

"Thank you" I said breathlessly.

"The pleasure was all mine." He snickered.

"Seriously Edward, I wasn't scared at all. You were so gentle and loving. Thank you so much."

"I love you Bella and you were putting so much faith in me. It was the least I could do." He smiled.

"I love you too."

Edward leaned in again and tangled one hand in my hair, while his tongue danced with my own. His other hand reached down and scooped up a hand full of water from the tub, letting it drizzle between my legs. I swear the cool bathroom air and the warmth of the water was enough to drive me over the edge.

I leaned back until my back made contact with the wall and immediately let both of my hands dive into his hair, pulling him closer into me.

"Fuck Bella." Edward moaned, as my nails began gently scratching his scalp. "I love it when you do that shit!"

He then began sucking and kissing his way down my body. I couldn't handle it anymore. I let my legs wrap around him and started rocking my hips against him, so my clit would rub against his abdomen, causing the most delicious friction imaginable.

Edward pulled away from me then, releasing the death grip my legs had on him and placing them back on the side of the tube.

"Stay." He said, sounding like he was scolding me, as he brought his mouth down on my sex.

I felt his tongue my contact and saw his green eyes darken, before my eyes closed and my head dropped back against the wall in ecstasy.

**I know I cut you off in the middle of a lemon and I'm sorry...but it had to be done! I do promise that Chapter 7 will be worth it, so don't hate me too badly! Leave me some love and tell me if you thought this was hot or not, kids! You know it inspires me! :)**

**Love, Kari**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Another chapter and just in time for Thanksgiving! I wanted to make sure everyone got dessert with their Thanksgiving Dinner, so I made you something with LEMONY goodness! Hopefully you all approve and enjoy! :)**

**First up: A big thank you to Miss Kimberly for suggesting the shaving scene (as well as some more upcoming hysterical scenes)! You rock girl and I hope I did you justice! A big thank you as well to_mustlovertp_. She helped stream line and balance this chapter. Every writer needs people to bounce idea's off of. For me Kimberly and mustlovertp are those people and so they are what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. Seriously, without them...none of this would be possible. Kimberly has been with me since almost the beginning and so much of what you love about my stories, have come from her. So thank you my beautiful ladies! I love and adore you both! :)**

**Second: Also, I'm giving my first ever REC! My girl _mustlovertp_ has her very first story out that you all HAVE TO read! It's called "Across the Hall"! It's well written, funny, sexy, has a great story line and is just all around an awesome read! So, while you're sitting around digesting your turkey...take a minute, give her story a read and leave her some love. She deserves it! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**EPOV**

I had done everything in my power to relax Bella, before I started the actual shaving process. I wanted the experience to be as intimate as possible. I mean shaving your woman? Come on, that's easily in the Top 10 List of any, mans favorite fantasies. There was absolutely no way I was going to do this without making it memorable for both us. It was time to bring "Romantic Edward" out to play.

Hopefully when I am 90 years old and still shaving her (I know it's a risk to be that presumptuous, but I'm a man. We live for what our imaginations conjure up for us, more than the reality), we'll look back on this and say 'Remember the first time I did this for you?'

I lit candles, kissed her deeply and flashed the lopsided grin she loves so much, it wasn't long before she relaxed for me. I even caught her watching me as I used the trimmer. I may have even spied an eye roll, when I brought it closer to her inner lips. It would seem that Bella doesn't mind the arm numbing vibrations that thing is throwing off. I made a couple extra passes next to the Holy Land just to test my theory. I suppressed a chuckle and shut the trimmer off when I noticed the muscles in her legs go on lock down. There's no way she was going to get off without me inside her. Call me selfish, but I was doing this for me, just as much as I was doing it for her.

When I finished with the trimmer, I started the bath. I wanted her completely relaxed and turned on for the next part. She needed to be 100% distracted before I used the razor. Plus, I wanted it to be romantic and personal. I wanted to worship her body and thank her for placing so much trust in me.

I moved everything I would need over to the ledge of the bathtub. I even filled a small bowl with water to rinse the razor off in. I had run my hand over her newly shorn skin and it felt like it was covered in cactus spines, there's no way I was bathing in that shit. I don't need one more thing, like picking pubic stickers out of my ass, cock blocking me tonight!

I got her warmed up and primed with my tongue and lips. The look on her face when I licked her belly button almost made me come undone. I felt her eyes on me and they were on fire. To keep myself on task, I let the corners of my lips turn up a bit. She saw it and groaned, dropping her head back, closing her eyes and biting her lower lip.

It was Showtime! I shifted a little and picked up the razor. Her head snapped up when she heard the water splash with my movements. But by that time I already made my first pass with the razor. I kissed her inner thighs, to keep her relaxed and gently let the razor glide over her baby soft skin.

I'm proud to say that when I finished, there wasn't even so much as a nick in her skin. Every inch of delectable flesh was smooth and had no evidence of even razor burn. I cleaned her up and set the tools aside. When I turned back, there was Bella. Still spread wide open for me. It was to inviting to pass up.

I leaned into her and kissed her hard. I was gasping for air when she pulled away and thanked me for doing that for her. There were tears swimming in her eyes, as she recalled how gentle I was with her. God I love this girl. She appreciates everything…even the small things.

Taking advantage of the atmosphere we had created, I decided it was time to get down to business and show my woman just how much she was loved.

I propped her feet back up on the tub and commanded her to "Stay", before I gave her a wink and let my head disappear between her legs.

My tongue made contact with her clit and her head fell back into the wall with a thump. I would have been concerned about a potential head injury, but I think that big messy knot she pulled her hair up into, cushioned the blow.

"Jesus, fuck Edward" she moaned, grabbing her thighs, pulling her legs up a little more and opening herself up more for me. That shit is just fucking sexy.

I teased her clit more with my tongue, before licking two of my fingers and plunging them into her dripping wet depths.

Bella let out a long groan and pulled her knees back more. I couldn't take it anymore; her legs were blocking my view and just had to see the look on her face. So I sat up and continued plunging and twisting my fingers into her. When my tongue disappeared from her clit, her eyes shot open and the corners of her mouth turned up, when she saw me watching her.

Keeping eye contact with me, she brought her middle and index fingers of her right hand to her mouth and sucked on them. While holding my stare, I watched her run those fingers down her neck, around her nipples, down her abdomen, right to her clit. She circled it a few times, before she put both fingers right on top of it and started to rub.

"Holy fucking shit!" I groaned my eyes glued to the hand that was frantically working her over.

"Do you like that, baby?"

My eyes shot up to Bella's face. I could tell just by looking in her eyes, that the "Sometimes I just like it hard and rough" Bella was back for more. _Game on, baby. Bring it!_

I let out a growl, making her eyes roll back in her head and her hand to speed up. I brought one of her legs up and threw it over shoulder, while I literally slammed and twisted my fingers into her.

"How do you fucking like that, baby? Does that fucking feel good to you?" I grunted, pulling her hips towards me more, making her almost lay down on the edge of the tub, with her head tilted onto the wall.

"God yes! Fuck it, Edward! I'm going to fucking cum!" she screamed, as I felt her walls start to spasm.

"No fucking way, Bella! You are NOT going to come on our fingers!" I snarled, knocking her hand out of the way and attaching my mouth to her clit and sucking.

"You're coming in my fucking mouth!" I mumbled against her sex.

And that was all it took! Seconds later Bella let out an ear splitting scream and clamped her legs around my head, before coming harder than ever before. Her back was arched, her knuckles were white as she grabbed onto the sides of the tub and the muscles in her neck were so strained, that I was afraid she might hurt herself.

I pulled my mouth from her and rubbed her sensitive nub a little until she came back down to earth. Slowly all the tension faded away and her breathing went back to normal. After a few minutes she opened her eyes and smiled at me.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

I shrugged, "Sometimes a girl just wants it hard and rough, right?"

"Yeah, but I was just trying to get you to talk dirty to me, I didn't expect Caveward to make an appearance." She laughed.

I could actually feel the heat of the blush that was taking over _MY _face for once.

"Oh." I muttered, completely humiliated. I guess I misread her intentions.

"NO!" she wailed, sitting up and cradling my face in her hands. "I didn't mean that you did something wrong! It was actually quite the opposite! I love Caveward!"

I looked up at her eyes and saw nothing but sincerity in them. So I gently leaned in and kissed her. It was soft and sweet and so totally us…for about five seconds. It changed into something else when she licked my lips with her tongue and moaned "Yummy" into my mouth.

Every connection in my body short circuited and re-routed all thought processes straight to my cock. I swear he looked up at me and said, "Dude, she can totally taste herself on you and likes it!"

I growled and before I could deepen the kiss, she pulled back from me.

"So Caveward, how about if we take this into the other room?"

**BPOV**

As soon as the words left my mouth, Edward's eyes went huge and he frantically started blowing out candles, emptying bowls, pulling drain plugs…he was whirling around the room like a big, naked tornado leaving cleanliness and order in his wake. I actually had to cover my mouth with my hand, to stifle a chuckle.

When he was done with his clean up, he came over and snatched me out of the tub and took off for the bedroom.

"Edward!" I laughed. "I'm wet!"

"Yeah, I know and ironically, it's just the way I like you!"

"No you ass!" I snorted, laughing hysterically. "Like I'm literally wet, as in I need a towel to dry off with!"

"Oh, shit."

He set me down then and ran his naked ass all the way back to the bathroom and came back with a towel. He wrapped it around me and rubbed frantically. Then he flung it back and started drying every spot that he missed. I had to stop him when he tried to shove it through my legs and dry my girlie parts by pulling it back and forth between them.

"Edward." I said seriously, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at me. "I need you stop and breathe for me. I know you're really horny right now, but you have to slow down. This hurried thing you have going on, got feelings hurt on the last pass…remember?"

I cringed when the memory of him flinging me all over the room by my jeans went through my head.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, dropping the towel by my feet, deflating like a scolded child.

"It's fine." I told him, picking up the towel and using it to dry him off too. "You're excited and you want me. I can't even begin to tell you how flattering that is. We just need to slow things down a bit, so we're both thinking with a clear head."

Edward nodded in agreement and then leaned in to kiss me. I dropped the towel and threaded my hands into his hair, pulling him in closer. I could feel his cock pressed between our stomachs and when I opened my mouth to him, it twitched in anticipation.

I pulled back from the kiss and smiled up at him, while I gently scratched my nails along the back of his head, earning an almost purring noise from him.

"All better now?" I smiled.

He opened his eyes and grinned down at me, "Almost."

He picked me up and my legs automatically wound around his waist. His cock and my sex were perfectly lined up; he must have felt my wetness and bucked his hips, making his cock rub deliciously against my clit. Making us both hiss in pleasure.

"Sweet hell!" Edward groaned, pushing my back into the closest wall.

The hold my legs had on his hips tightened as he brought his hands up and rested them on the wall on either side of my head, while he continued bucking his hips and making his cock rub up and down on my clit creating a deep, delicious, all consuming friction. He leaned his head in and kissed me deeply, before pulling away and attacking my neck.

The sensations he was causing me to feel, were enough to push me over the edge again. I could feel my body start to shake with the force of it.

"Edward! Oh fuck, I'm going to come again!" I panted in his ear, as his lips kept up their assault on my neck.

Eventually he brought his lips back to mine and whispered, "Let it go, love. I've got you."

That was it, the coil I had felt tightening in my stomach exploded and suddenly the room got really noisy. I came so hard, that it took me several minutes to realize that all of the racket was coming from me. I was screaming, moaning, groaning, and sputtering out non-sensible words. I was a mess.

When I finally opened my eyes and looked at Edward, he had a look of pride on his face. The smile that I was met with was breath taking and gloating.

Embarrassed, I dipped my head into the crook of his neck and whispered, "Yeah, I know. You did that."

"Damn right I did." He said softly, kissing my temple and stroking my hair. "And I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful in my life."

He chuckled when he felt the heat of my blush warm his skin. For everything that Edward says without thinking and turns out to be just completely wrong. He has his moments of brilliance, where he says and does everything right and it's those moments that make life with him, worth living for.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I love you more" he whispered back.

"You complete me." I laughed.

"And you had me at hello." He chuckled and just as he said it, I felt his cock twitch against my leg.

"And apparently I still do." I snorted, looking down between us. "Hello hard on!"

Edward bit his bottom lip and looked down at his poor cock. The head was purple and swollen. And was leaking a river of pre-cum down the shaft. That couldn't be comfortable.

I pulled him in and kissed him hard, while I untangled my legs from his waist. Once my feet were planted firmly on the floor, I raised myself up on my tippy toes and pulled him in closer. Tangling my fingers deeper into his beautiful, thick, bronze locks.

When we both needed to come up for air, I let my lips follow a path that would take me down his body; to the place he needed me the most. I kissed, sucked and nibbled on his neck and nipples, traced his abdominal muscles with my tongue, explored the inside of his perfect fucking belly button, licked his delicious V and traced my tongue across his lower stomach to plant a wet kiss on each of his hip bones. By the time I was finished, I was on my knees in front of him, with my back pressed against the wall, eye level with his beautiful cock, while Edward leaned into the wall supporting himself on his hands, looking down at me.

I smiled up at him and wrapped my hand around his dick, making him hiss. God his cock was beautiful. It was big and thick, soft and smooth, with a large, lick able knobby head. And it was mine. All mine.

I leaned in and licked the stream of pre-cum from the bottom of his shaft, all the way up to the head. Stopping to show his frenulum a little bit of love. I could hear Edward hiss above me as he watched, so I opened my eyes and looked up at him from under my lashes, as I opened my mouth and swallowed his cock whole, hallowing out my cheeks on the upward stroke.

"Gahh! Bellaaa…fuck!" he groaned, reaching one hand down and lacing it into my hair, while the other still supported him on the wall. "Jesus, that feels fucking amazing!"

I smiled a bit at his reaction, but knew that I could do better. So I brought my other hand up and gently massaged his balls, while I swallowed his cock again and reached my index finger back to massage his taint.

"FUUUCCCKKKK!" He yelled, as he pulled my hair and shot a stream of cum down my throat. I gagged a little bit on it. I knew what I was doing would earn me a reaction…I just wasn't expecting that one quite so soon.

"Fuck! Bella? Are you alright?" He cried, snatching me up by my arm pits and hugging me to him, once he was coherent enough to realize what had happened. "I'm so sorry! I should have warned you that I was close. I just didn't realize how close I was until your hands got involved."

I wiped the gag reflex induced tears from my eyes and shook my head.

"No Edward. You're fine, really." I sputtered, stopping to clear my throat. "You didn't hurt me at all. I just wasn't expecting that reaction. Maybe I should warn you, before I try something new?"

"Maybe." He mused, before a big smile broke across his face. "But baby, that was the best head ever and I am one lucky Motherfucker!"

I laughed at the giddy and satisfied smile on his face. I hadn't seen that look in a long time and was only too happy to have been the one to put it there. I was even happier when I realized that I was the only person to have witnessed the beauty of Edward's cum face…ever.

"I'm glad you think so, baby." I smiled, pulling him down for a kiss.

We continued to kiss as he turned us around and walked me backwards, towards the bed. Judging by what I was currently feeling pressing into my stomach, I could tell that he was already ready for Round Two and it made me smile against his lips. My man is such a Horn Dog!

"What?" He asked, returning my grin and pushing me back onto the bed.

"Nothing." I said coyly, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth.

"Nuh uh, babe. None of that flirty, coy bullshit with me. I know you, you were thinking about my dick, weren't you?"

"Maybe." I replied, trying to act indifferent, but coming off as desperate.

He grinned wickedly at me, winked and then plunged two fingers into me, before I had a chance to catch up with him.

"God, you're so fucking wet." He moaned. "Yup, you were definitely thinking about my dick!"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me for a kiss, whispering "I was sooo thinking about your dick!" against his lips.

Edward groaned, deepened the kiss and pulled his fingers from my center. I whimpered at the loss, until I felt his head nudge my entrance. Instinct took over from there and was telling me that the two halves of my soul was just inches away from coming together and making me whole, so I wrapped my legs around his waist, lifted my hips and impaled myself on him.

Edward pulled his lips off mine and yelled, "HOLY SHIT!" at the sensation.

He froze, closed his eyes and tried to get control of his breathing. A few minutes went by before he finally looked down at me with a smirk.

"Well that was almost over, before it started. Impatient much?"

"Sorry." I said, gnawing on my bottom lip. "I just thought you'd like it I guess."

"Oh I liked it." He laughed. "Just a little too much!"

He leaned down and captured my lips, kissing me deeply as he started to move his hips in a slow rocking motion. There was nothing hurried, frantic or rushed about it. This was just us making love, for the first time in over a month.

Suddenly all the mistakes that had gotten us to this point, didn't matter. I love Edward completely and while I might not always understand him, I know who he is at his core. He's this beautiful man, who brings me insane amounts of pleasure, loves me entirely and would walk over hot coals to ensure my happiness.

"I love you." He whispered against my lips, before picking up the pace and hitting every magical place inside me.

"I love you too." I panted, lacing his fingers with mine and bringing his hand to my lips for a kiss.

Edward groaned, pushed into me harder and wrapped his arms around me, before rolling onto his back and pulling me on top of him.

"Then show me." He whispered, dropping his hands to my hips, waiting for me to take control.

I reached down and laced our fingers together, bringing our hands up by his head, leaning down to kiss him passionately as my hips began to slowly grind on him.

"Ahh, Bella." He moaned softly, pressing his head back into the pillow.

I felt him squeeze my hands harder and began rocking my hips faster in response. His eyes closed as the moans coming from him increased in volume.

"God Bella…I'm going to cum!" He panted, squeezing his eyes closed, trying to hold it back.

I leaned all the way down into his ear and whispered. "It's OK, let it go. I've got you."

His eyes flew open in recognition of my words. I leaned down and softly placed a kiss on his lips and smiled, before I ground and swirled my hips down on him at a faster pace. I could feel his cock swell and pulse inside of me, causing the coil in my stomach to tighten.

Edward kept his eyes glued to mine right up until he came. When he tilted his head back into the pillow, squeezed his eyes shut and screamed my name. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Edward in the throes of orgasm was angelic. Just watching this beautiful boy below me, bare his soul sent me over the edge with him.

When it was over and we'd both come back down, he opened his eyes and looked up at me with so much love and adoration.

He kissed me softly and then whispered, "I'll never question your love for me, ever."

I smiled back at him and smugly replied, "Yup, I did that."

**I would be really thankful for some great reviews! Was it hot or not? Let me know!**

**I wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving! May you count your blessings and remember to give thanks! :)**

**Kari**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: OK kids, things are going to get bumpy this time around. But it had to be done. Just trust me, OK! **

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight.**

**EPOV**

After what was, to date, the best sexual experience of my existence, we'd laid in bed naked and completely wrapped around one another, talking about everything that has happened in the last month. We actually ended laughing about most of it…including the suppository incident. Bella finally admitted that it was more about the humiliation then anything else. She still fails to see how jamming a medication up someone's ass is supposed to make them feel better. That just made me chuckle. She could admit to the humiliation, but not that the prescription made her feel better. I guess the fact that she actually stopped vomiting afterwards, is just a coincidence.

Bella's stomach let out a horrendous growl, signaling that it was time to get something to eat. I threw on some jeans and decided to skip a shirt, while Bella fumbled with putting on a pair of my boxers and a tank top.

The minute we opened the bedroom door, we both groaned. There sitting at the island in the kitchen, was Jasper and Alice. Jasper had a shit eating grin on his face and Alice was a scowling at the bowl in front of her.

I scratched the back of my head and grabbed Bella's hand, leading her into the kitchen.

"Do you always just walk in and make yourselves comfortable in other people's houses?" I mumbled, not even trying to hide my annoyance with the situation.

"We do when the kitchen at the main house is out of commission and I need to feed the mother of my children." Jasper replied.

I look over into Alice's bowl and snort, "And Spaghettio's is the best you could come up with? Come on, Jasper! She's pregnant with twins! She needs nutrition not processed pasta full of fat, carbohydrates and additives!"

Jasper walked over and picked up the empty can from the trash, shoving it in my face. "See, it says it is made with _whole grain_ pasta. That's much better then regular grained pasta!"

Bella and I roll our eyes at each other.

"Does it really matter what the can says, Jasper. I'm pretty sure anything that comes from a can, is not the best possible option for a pregnant woman. If it was Bella that was pregnant, there's no way I would be letting her eat that shit!"

"Well, I would be eating the spaghetti dinner and salad that Esme was going to make me. But when she heard you screaming Bella's name like a whiney little bitch and she couldn't handle it…so she left!" Alice piped in, shoving the bowl away from her in disgust.

"Whh…what?" Bella stuttered her face redder then a ripe tomato.

"We were in the kitchen keeping Esme Company while she made dinner and all was good, until you guys started going at it like a bunch of wild monkeys." Jasper barked, while picking at Alice's rejected dinner.

"Esme was doing good pretending it wasn't happening, until Edward started screaming 'You aren't coming on our fingers, Bella. You're coming in my mouth!' She told us we were on our own after that and then left. So thank you for that." Alice said in a bitchy voice, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, but that wasn't even the low point. I think what almost induced vomiting for me, was when you all started quoting 'Jerry McGuire'" Jasper visibly shudders. "Seriously Edward, I may never get hard again!"

I was just about to tackle Jasper off his stool, but before I could, a tiny fist came out of nowhere and took him out. I looked up and a red faced, seething Bella stood over him shaking out her hand.

"How fucking dare any of you invade our privacy like that!" she screamed, balling her fist and punching him in the side of the head.

Alice jumped down from her stool and was trying in vain to pull Bella off Jasper. I stepped in and snatched Bella around the waist, holding her between myself and the counter.

"Bella! What the fuck!" Alice yelled at her, holding a dish towel to Jaspers bloodied nose. "What has gotten into you?"

"Edward, obviously!" Jasper snorted and then grimaced in pain, holding his nose.

His smart assed comment only fueled Bella's rage and now she was clawing at me, trying to get to him.

"FUCK YOU JASPER!" Bella wailed. "What Edward and I do in OUR house is OUR business. You had no right to be here and to listen to us! That was something beautiful and private between us and now that I know you were out here the whole time listening, just cheapens it and makes it ugly!"

Bella finally deflates and collapses into my chest crying. "How could they do that to us, Edward? I hate it here!"

I give her a kiss on the head and escort her back to our room. "Stay in here, love. I'll deal with them and be back in a minute."

We were so happy five fucking minutes ago and now Bella is crying, Jasper is bleeding on the floor and Alice looks murderous. I walk back into the kitchen and lean against the counter, with my arms crossed across my chest and stare down at the two of them.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare or are you going to do something?" Alice seethed.

"What do you want me to do?"

She stands up then and gets right in my face, pointing towards the bedroom door. "Why don't you start by going and putting a fucking leash on your girlfriend?"

I let out a humorless laugh and ball my fists tightly under my arms.

"How about you guys just give me the key to this fucking house back and the next time your ass gets hungry…you order in! How dare you blame this on Bella! You came in this house, heard something extremely personal going on between Bella and me and instead of respecting our privacy; you sit out here and listen to it. Then you have the audacity to rub it in our faces and cheapen it by making fun of it! Fuck you, Alice. JUST FUCK YOU!"

I push off the counter, pick Jasper up by his arm, escorting him over to the door and give him a shove out it. I then turn to Alice, "I leave you to find your own way out. But just so we're clear, you're not welcome down here without an invitation anymore."

Alice huffs, tosses the key on the counter and throws her elbow into my side as she walks by. I rub my ribs, because her boney ass elbow hurts like hell, offer her a parting "fucking bitch!" and then slam and lock the door behind her.

**BPOV**

I heard the door slam, so I poked my head out from the bedroom. I saw Edward with one hand on the door, leaning into it, his other hand on his hip and his head tilted down.

"Did they leave?" I whispered.

Edward sighed and turned back to me.

"Yes, I threw them out." he said quietly, crossing the room and coming over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and nuzzling his face in my hair. "Listen Bella, I'm really sorry that they did that. I know that knowing they were listening takes away from everything. But for what it's worth, today was still one of the best days of my life."

"It was for me to." I sigh. "I just hate that we'll remember it as something beautiful and they'll remember it as something disgusting that is to be made fun of. It's so not right."

Edward pulled me over to the couch and I sat down in his lap, snuggling my head into the crook of his neck.

"Do you really hate living here?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Honestly? Yes." I said without hesitation. "Everyone seems to think they can come and go as they please. Last week I was in the bath and came out wrapped in my towel thinking no one was here. When I opened the door, Jasper was laying on the couch, watching 'That 70's Show' reruns, like he owned the place. I screamed and nearly dropped my towel."

"Why didn't you tell me that, love? I would have kicked his ass and taken the key back right then!"

"Because I went to Esme with it." I huffed in frustration. "And she basically told me 'tough shit' and that while you and I stay here, this is still her guest home and that people who live in the main house are welcome to it as well.".

Edward tensed underneath me, his breathing picking up. Great, now he's pissed.

"Bella, get dressed." he mumbled, shifting me off of him.

"Where are we going?" I asked, following him into the bedroom.

"To have a talk with my mother!" he fumed, pulling a t-shirt over his head.

**EPOV**

Bella and I jumped in the Volvo and I sped off toward the main house. This shit was going to stop…NOW! I am so sick of everyone thinking that they can butt in on mine and Bella's relationship and personal space. It was bad enough waking up on the couch the other morning and finding everyone already making themselves at home in the kitchen.

I totally get that the kitchen in the main house isn't useable right now, but fuck, is a phone call asking if the coast is clear asking too much?

I skidded to a stop in the driveway, barely missing the back end of Jasper's Mustang. I charge around the Volvo, stopping to get Bella's door for her. I may be one pissed off mother fucker, but I'm still a Gentleman.

I grabbed Bella's hand and walked up to the front door and stopped.

"What are you doing, Edward?" Bella asked, reaching around me for the door knob.

I snatched her hand back and rang the doorbell. "No time like the present to start making a point."

A few seconds later, my mother comes and answers the door. She doesn't look amused.

"Oh look who here!" Alice sneers, behind her. "It's Rocky Balboa and her fearless protector."

"Fuck off, Alice!" Bella mumbles, flicking her off.

"All right, that's enough!" Esme fumes. "Alice, you go in the other room with Jasper, while I talk to these two."

I hold Bella in place, making her wait for Esme to invite us in.

Esme just stares at us. "Well? Are you coming in or not?"

"I thought you'd never ask." I say, storming past her, dragging Bella behind me.

"Since when do I have to invite you into this house?" Esme sighs, clearly frustrated with the situation.

"Since I moved out." I said clearly. "I don't live here anymore, so as to show respect for the people who still do, the polite thing to do, if I haven't called ahead to let you know I'm coming over, is to announce myself by ringing the doorbell. That is what it's there for…correct?".

"Yes it is, Edward." Esme says quietly.

"And the last time I checked, there was also a doorbell on the guest house as well." I go on. "Yet no one can seem to use it or call ahead to let Bella and I know they are coming over. No, they just use their key at will and we are left to get woken up by people standing over us, slurping on Rice Krispies or relaxing on the couch watching television and scaring the shit out of Bella when she gets out of the bath!"

"Edward I know you're upset. But the kitchen here isn't funct…" Esme starts, but I cut her off, to piss to let her finish.

"Yes, yes, yes…the kitchen isn't functional. But really is that any excuse for your blatant disregard for mine and Bella's privacy? You people come charging in anytime you goddamn feel like it and we're sick of it!"

"OK, Edward." Esme fumes at me, poking me in the chest. "You want to get into disrespect? I told you that you and Bella were not to turn the guest house into your own personal Love Shack and from what I heard today, you TOTALLY disregarded MY wishes!"

I start to argue with her on her point, but quickly realize I don't have an argument. Fuck. I look back at Bella and her eyebrows are furrowed. While I might not have anything to offer in rebuttal, it's clear that Bella does. So I wave my hand out in a grand gesture and call her up to bat.

She doesn't disappoint.

"You think that Edward and I are fucking every chance we get?" she snarls, stepping up into Esmes face. "That we are just two horny fucking teenagers, who fuck like bunnies and don't take it seriously? Is that what you're trying to say Esme? That we fuck just because we can?"

"You're putting words in my mouth!" my mom charges back.

"No. I'm reading between the lines!" Bella yells. "Edward and I waited to have sex. We waited until we were ready and protected. And let me tell you something else, that is honestly none of your damn business, but we've only made love a handful of times since then!"

Esme's face went from pissed off to shocked. I stifled my laugh.

Bella knew she had Esme on the ropes, so she kept right on going.

"That's right, Esme. Your son and I have been living together in that house for three fucking months and this is only the second time we've had sex there and only the fifth time we've had sex…EVER!".

Esme looked up at me, to gage my reaction to everything Bella just said. I wrapped my arm around Bella and pulled her back into my chest and nodded my head in agreement.

"The bottom line here, mom. Bella and I love each other. We're responsible and like it or not, we're leaving for college in six months and we're going to live together off campus. We've taken every precaution necessary to make sure there are no accidents. And we're not taking advantage of our living arrangements and while you may have laid down a carpet request to not turn the guest house into a Love Shack, you didn't say 'Don't have sex at all there' either." I explained. It was a thin explanation and I was taking advantage of a technicality, but still.

"What do you mean you're leaving for college in six months?" Alice shrieked from behind us. "The babies are due in less than six months, Bella! You can't leave! You have to stay and help me!"

"Shit" Bella mumbled, turning to face Alice. "I'm sorry, Alice. We just found out today that both Edward and I qualify to graduate a year early and we both got an early acceptance into UW."

"NO!" Alice yelled. "You can't go! You're my best friend! You said you'd be here to help with the babies!"

"And I will be, Alice." Bella replied, fighting to maintain her calm. "Seattle is just a few hours away, not on the other side of the country! I can come home on the weekends or you can come see us."

'No!" Alice cried, shaking her head. "You have to stay here! You promised!"

"Alice, dear. " Esme said, stepping between Bella and Alice. "You have to be reasonable. This is good news for Bella and Edward. They worked really hard for this."

"No!" Alice screamed, pushing Esme away from her. "I have given up High School and settled for a Graduation Certificate. I've had to give up my family and they haven't had to give up shit! It isn't fair! And now you want me to be happy as I sit back and have to watch Bella get everything she wants!"

It was at this point, that Bella lost it. Any control or compassion she had went right out the fucking door. In two long strides, she was across the room and in Alice's face.

"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO GOT KNOCKED UP, ALICE!" she screamed. "Why do I have to suffer for your mistakes? I told you to be responsible. Edward told you to be responsible. But no, you and Jasper just wanted to fuck each others brains out, the consequences be damned and look what happened! Now you want Edward and me to sideline our lives, because you have to give up yours? Some best friend YOU are, Alice!"

Alice was crying and violently shaking her head, clearly still in denial. "You promised!" she said, her voice hoarse and snot running out of her nose. Gross.

"I'm not abandoning you, Alice." Bella said, somewhat calmer. "But I'm not going to give up my dreams, because you got pregnant. So the way I see it, you have two choices. You can accept that I am going to leave with Edward in July to go to Seattle and come back to see you, Jasper and then babies when I can. Or you can end our friendship right now and you can spend the rest of your pregnancy alone and bitter. But either way, Alice. I am going to school."

The deadly calm of Bella's voice sends chills down my spine. I've never seen Bella so sure of herself. Everyday Bella becomes stronger and shows me a new side herself. I couldn't love her more right now and I also couldn't want her more. My dick is trying to claw his way out of my jeans. I know it's not the time or the place for it, but my cock isn't to be negotiated with. He wants Bella on her back, naked and underneath me…NOW!

"I think we all need a time out. Feelings are really intense right now and everyone is keyed up. Let's all go in the living room and discuss things…calmly. Alice why don't you go look in on Jasper and we'll be along in a minute." Ah Esme, always the peace keeper.

Alice shot us another dirty and then turned and left the room.

"There's nothing more to discuss." Bella says, turning on Esme. "Edward and I are leaving for Seattle and people around here will start to respect our right to privacy or we will move out of the guest house. I'll call Pastor Webber and get Charlie's house back. I'm sure he'd be happy to let us stay there until July."

"Bella don't be dramatic. " Esme sighed. "You don't have to move out of the guest house! You and Edward are pissed that everyone has been coming and going at will. I get it. And maybe we did take advantage of the situation and that was disrespectful to the both of you. You're point has been made and from here on out, we will call you before coming down to use the kitchen."

"Thank you!" Bella and I say in unison.

**BPOV**

Just when there was a light at the end of the tunnel, Esme turns on me.

"But you, Bella. You have to be more understanding of Alice's situation. She's a young girl, pregnant with twins. With all the hormones, changes and emotional upset in her life, her moods are going to be unpredictable."

"Unpredictable?" I laugh. "She has been anything _but_ unpredictable. Ever since Edward and I moved in together, she's given us nothing but attitude. I totally expect her to be a bitch everyday at this point! It's frightening on the days when she says something nice and smiles!"

"Actually, I have to agree with Bella on this one." Edward says. "Alice smiled at me last week and all those teeth and blazing eyes was just…Gahhh!"

Esme and I shared an eye roll and turned our attentions back to each other.

"All I'm saying is that this thing with her is going to get worse before it gets better. I am doing the best I can to pacify everyone, but there's only so much I can do. Believe me; sharing a house with her for the next 6 months is not something I'm looking forward to."

"Have they even discussed moving out?" Edward asks.

"Actually…and please don't go off the deep end here…they wanted me to have you two move back up here, so they could have guest house. With the babies coming, they feel they are more entitled to privacy then the two of you." Esme cringes, as she see's mine and Edwards faces turn red with rage.

"In three fucking months of being in that guest house, neither of them has shown us an ounce of respect or privacy…yet now they feel that their entitled to what they've denied us?" I fume. "You've got to fucking kidding me!"

"No shit!" Edward chimes in. "I know it's juvenile on my part, but I'm determined now more than ever not to give up that guest house! How can they expect everyone to turn their upside down, because they fucked up? How many years are Bella and I going to be raked over the coals, because _they_ were irresponsible idiots? I'm so going in there and kicking Jasper's!".

Esme reaches out and grabs Edwards arm, as he attempts to storm by her.

"Edward wait." she pleads. "This really isn't Jasper's doing. It's Alice. Jasper is beside himself with all her mood swings and I know it doesn't seem like it, but he is baring the brunt of all of it. Right now he's just in survival mode and is trying to keep Alice happy. But lately that's almost impossible. Ever since the blow up with her parents, she's been on the war path."

I stand there and absorb Esme's words and try to put myself in Alice's shoes. I know what it feels like to be rejected by your family. But then, that was just the norm for me. No one even tried to make me feel like I belonged after Renee left. The feelings of rejection for Alice would be more devastating for her, and then they were for me. She had her family's love and acceptance up until now.

"Has anyone heard from Emmett?" I ask quietly. "Maybe if she talks to him and still has him in her life, things will get better."

"I have and I actually wanted to talk to the two about that. After talking to Emmett, we decided that maybe a get away is what everyone needs. We've all been stressed to the max…we need to regroup. So Emmett proposed going to the cabin in Rainier. We haven't been there in years and it's big enough for all of us, plus Renee, Marcus, Summer and Autumn."

Oh yes, my mysterious and elusive half sisters that I have yet to meet. All I really know about them is that they are 12 years old and go to a boarding school back east. I still remember that awkward conversation with Renee, shortly after Edward was released from the hospital.

"_Please don't hate me, Bella. Especially after I left you and Rosalie, but I have twin daughters with my new husband, Marcus. By the time I got pregnant, my mother was already dead, and so there wasn't the threat of her tainting them with her evil."_

I internally roll my eyes at the memory and remind myself that I have let go of all the anger and that Renee and I are starting over.

"So you've talked to everyone about this then and they are in?" I ask, slightly put off that this was discussed behind mine and Edward's back.

"Well yes." Esme says quietly, knowing she is walking on thin ice. "We figured being there all together and for the New Year would be a good thing for everyone."

"Sure why not!" Edward laughs humorlessly, running a hand through his hair. "If God gets sick of all the bitching, complaining and fighting he can always erupt a dormant volcano and take us all out in one fell swoop!"

"Edward!" Esme chastises. "Is a little optimism too much to ask?"

"Right." Edward snarks, rolling his eyes at his mother. "Because everything that has happened in the last month, has given me reason to be optimistic."

"Fine! We'll go!" I throw in, before Esme has a chance to respond to Edward. The last thing I need right now is them fighting. "When do we leave?"

"Emmett will be here tomorrow morning. So I was thinking we could leave by the early afternoon!"

"Great." I say with little to no enthusiasm, grabbing Edward's hand and dragging him to the door. "Well just go home and start packing then. Tell Jasper and Alice we'll talk later."

Esme stands in place and claps excitedly. "I'll call Renee and take care of everything. You won't regret this kids…I promise!"

**So some reviews would be lovely. I don't know what happened to all my reviewers, but the last two chapters only got two reviews. It broke my heart. I have two more chapters done, written, pre-read, beta'd and ready to go...tell me you want them! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter! I was blown away by your responses! I thought I would be tarred and feathered for turning everyone against each other, but you guys loved it! You even cheered for Edward and Bella...I LOVE IT! You all just don't know how much I enjoy reading your reviews! They're just great and inspiring! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave them! **

**In honor of Eclipse's midnight release tonight (I'm sooo there), you get ANOTHER chapter today! Yayyyyy!**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**EPOV**

Bella and I had finally finished packing and were now snuggled together, a mass of naked arms and legs, together in the bed.

"I don't think I can handle ten days in the wilderness with our families and friends." Bella blurted, out of nowhere. "Honestly, I don't think this is the most ideal situation I could meet my half siblings in. There's so much hostility right now…I just don't know."

I sighed at a loss for what tell her. She had good reason to be concerned. I mean, her sister's really don't need to see another brawl like the one that broke out between her and Jasper today.

"Well, how about if we take the Volvo and drive separately? That way we'll have a get away car if we feel we need it?"

"You would do that? Take your precious car into the woods for me? I mean there's trees and brush…plenty of things for it to get scratched up on."

I sat up in the bed and my hands go instantly into my hair from the anxiety. "Well, Jesus Bella, now that you've put it that way, I'm thinking we can just ride in the Escalade with Esme, Emmett, Alice and Jasper!"

Granted it had been a few years since we'd been up to the cabin in Rainier, but from what I can remember, you have to take a pretty desolate dirt road to get up there. Maybe I should just rent a truck? Or have us air lifted in?

"You're seriously going to make me ride there with people I can't stand right now?"

Damn it, she's working those big brown puppy dog eyes and biting her bottom lip. Then, fucking hell, her tongue slips out and licks it. She knows that making her lips all wet, juicy and bee stung is like making silent promises to my dick of pleasurable things to come if I cooperate!

"You're evil!" I tell her, tackling her to the bed. "Using your eyes and lips like that is extortion!"

"No!" she laughs. "It's coercion. Get your adjectives right or they may decide not to let you graduate early!"

"Is that your way of calling me stupid?"

"Stupid is as stupid do…"

With that I slap my hand over her mouth. "I played along with Jerry McGuire, but I draw the line at Forrest Gump. Or _I_ may never get hard again."

Her laughter causes her body to shake in all the right places underneath me, making my dick harden and take notice.

Bella glances down to where my cock is digging into her inner thigh and cocks one eyebrow at me.

"This conversation is over!" I tell her, as I attack her luscious mouth. "I'm driving the fucking Volvo tomorrow!"

Bella laughs again, causing more shaking and friction, making me groan into her mouth as I pull her leg up and hitch it around my waist.

"Edward!" Bella moans. "We aren't supposed to be doing this! I told your mom we've only had sex here twice."

"Yeah baby, but it's Ok." I pant back. "As long as it's before midnight, then the second time is all in one day and doesn't count as individual times."

"Wait? What? You're confusing me, Edward."

I smile against her lips and sink my cock into her. "Just shut up and fuck me, Bella."

0 0 0 0 0

The next morning I find myself outside loading up the Escalade with Emmett.

"So how did Bella talk you into driving the Volvo up there?" he laughed.

I think my blush might have given me away. He took one look at my face and almost pissed himself laughing so hard.

"It's OK, Bro." he laughs, punching my shoulder. "She's got you whipped! I get it!"

"I'm not whipped." I mumble, rubbing my now sore shoulder. Jesus fuck he hits hard!

"So whipped!" he laughs.

"Am not." I mutter. There's no way I'm letting him have the last word.

"Wapussshhhh" he says, making a lasso and whipping motion in the air. How old are we again?

"Just fuck off and load the truck, Emmett." I tell him, throwing a pillow at his head.

"So what's with all the tension between my sister and Bella?" he asks, as he loads in one of the five suitcases Alice insists that she needs. "And what the fuck happened to Jaspers nose?"

"Your sister is being a tyrant." I tell him, handing him another suitcase. "Her hormones are all over the place and she's taking it out on Bella. She seems to think that Bella shouldn't go to Seattle with me. She should stay home and be with her and the babies."

"Jesus" he replies, shaking his head.

"As for Jasper's nose. Bella has a mean right hook!"

"She did that?" his eyes wide. "Dude, that's just fucking hot!"

"Mine!" I remind him, poking him in the chest.

He laughs and shrugs. "It's cool. Bella's like a sister to me anyway. But damn, what the hell did Jasper do to get her all riled up?"

I heave another of Alice's suitcases into the truck, "Well, to make a long story short. Alice and Jasper over heard something private between Bella and me and then had the nerve to tease us about it."

Emmett cringed and tossed Alice's vanity case on top of everything. "That's just wrong, man. I would have pounded his ass back to the stone ages. But I guess you have your woman to do that for you!"

OH NO HE DIDN'T!

**BPOV**

I was helping Esme get the last of the luggage down by the front door, when Emmett came bursting through the door, with Edward hot on his heels.

Both of them were disheveled, wet and had snow dripping from their hair.

"What the hell?" I yell, getting their attention. "Can you guys grow up long enough to get the cars loaded, please? And clean up the snow you tracked in, before Esme has a shit fit."

It had snowed last night and we now had to navigate slick roads and six inches of snow to get up to the cabin. I thought maybe the weather would deter Esme's determination to go, but it didn't. If anything it increased her excitement and she started rambling on and on about skiing, sledding and ice skating.

While to a normal person those activities may sound like fun. To me they just sounded like a probable trip to the Emergency Room. Just in case, I Googled the directions to the nearest hospital and made sure it had a heliport and a good trauma center. I've learned the hard way you can never be too careful or too prepared.

"Well, I think that's everything." Esme sighed, coming down the stairs. "Jasper and Alice should be down in a minute. Once Renee, Marcus and the girls get here, we can head out."

Alice and I had avoided each other like the plague this morning. True to her word, Esme called down to the guest house before they showed up for breakfast. There was some grumbling from Alice when I insisted that everyone eat something hot, since it was so cold. But other than that, she stuck to giving me the evil eye and kept her mouth shut…smart girl.

As for Jasper, I felt bad when he came down for breakfast with two wads of toilet paper still shoved up his nose. I felt even worse, when he attempted to talk and ended up sounding like Big Bird going through puberty. I eventually sucked it up and apologized. I was moderately surprised when he apologized as well. He even copped to being out of line and even confessed that his teasing was fueled by jealousy. Apparently it made life easier when Edward was in the dog house with him. Just that comment alone, gave me more insight as to how hard his relationship with Alice has been since she's been pregnant. I almost feel sorry for him, but honestly, he did it to himself. It's time for him to step up to the plate and be a man. Of course whatever good had come from apologizing, was immediately undone when I voiced that out loud. So now I am getting glared at by two people…oh well.

I was walking a load of board games out to the Volvo, when a huge Suburban carrying Renee, Marcus and my sisters…god that's weird to say…showed up.

"Showtime." Edward mumbled, taking the games from me and setting them in trunk, before winding his arm around my waist.

I smiled and waved as they all piled out of the truck.

"Who's the other guy?" Edward whispered in my ear.

"I have no idea." I whispered back as they approached.

"Bella!" Renee sang, leaning into give me awkward a hug, seeing as how Edward refused to release his hold on me. "I have some people here for you to meet!"

"Great!" I smiled, trying to appear enthusiastic. But judging by Edwards stifled chuckle, I failed miserably. I make sure to throw an elbow in the same ribs Alice had bruised the day before. Take that, fucker!

"OK, so Bella…" Renee goes on, shuffling two blonde haired, blue eyed girls in front of me. Both look nervous as hell and look exactly like Rosalie did when she was their age. "These are your sisters. This is Autumn and Summer."

"Hi" I say hesitantly, trying to figure out who is who, they are mirror images of each other.

The one on right steps forward and holds out her hand for me to shake. "Hi Bella. I'm Summer."

"Nice to meet you." I tell her smiling. All the while thinking about how surreal all this is and make a mental note that the more social one is Summer.

"Who's he?" she asks, pointing at Edward.

"Oh, I'm sorry! How rude of me. Summer this is Edward. Edward this is my sister, Summer."

Edward takes her small hand is his and smiles, "Very nice to meet you, Summer."

Summer's eye rake over Edward and it's almost making me uncomfortable.

"You're cute." Summer says in a flirty tone.

"Um thanks?" Edward replies awkwardly, like his response is a question.

"Is Edward your boyfriend?" she asks me, still looking at Edward like he's something to eat. Edward notices and shifts himself around so he's behind me now.

I offer her a generic laugh, tussle her hair and call her adorable and then make it clear that "Yes, Edward is _my _boyfriend."

I know she's only twelve and I shouldn't feel threatened, but you didn't grow up with Rosalie Swan as your sister and you are not standing in front of what looks to be her evil twin.

"Alright Summer, that's enough now." Renee says, pulling her back and throwing Edward and I apologizing looks before she gives Autumn an encouraging shove towards me. "Autumn, be polite and greet your sister."

"Hi." she says quietly, limply shaking my hand. "I'm Autumn and it's nice to meet you."

Autumn looks like Rosalie, but acts like me at her age. This is definitely surreal. I suddenly feel bonded to this little girl, so I bend down to her level.

"It's very nice to meet you to, Autumn." I tell her, looking into her eyes and seeing a shy little girl there.

Edward reaches his hand around me and offers it to Autumn with a smile. "Hi Autumn, I'm Edward."

She shakes Edwards hand for a minute, before pulling it away and returning her gaze to the ground. "Nice to meet you." she mumbles shyly, her face breaking out in a blush.

I stand up and look at Edward, whispering "Apparently your charms are irresistible to anyone who shares my DNA."

He snorts at me and tickles my arm pits. "Funny Bella. Just keep that baby man eater away from me." pointing at Summer, who is busy fluffing her hair in the reflection from the car window.

"So!" Renee says excitedly, pulling Marcus over. "I know that you've talked over the phone and seen pictures, but Bella, this is Marcus. My husband."

"Hi Marcus." I smile. "It's nice to finally meet you in person."

He leans in and offers me a kiss on the cheek and then nods at Edward and gives him a handshake. "Hello Edward. Nice to meet you in person as well."

"You to Sir." Edward replies.

"Enough with the Sirs. You can call me Marcus."

"Very well, Marcus. We're really happy that you could join us for the holiday."

"As are we. Renee has been bouncing off the walls with excitement since Esme called."

"Speaking of Esme." Renee interrupts. "Where is she? I have a surprise for her!"

"She's inside getting the last of the games together. Apparently we need every board game ever made or we won't survive the trip." I dead pan, while watching the other man with them approach. "Who's this?"

Renee turns and looks back at the man and smiles. I know that smile…she's up to something. So I grab her arm and pull her off to the side, leaving Marcus and Edward in a heated conversation about Edwards Volvo. Apparently Marcus is a fan of Swedish Engineering as well…great.

"Alright." I say pointedly to Renee. "Who is that man and what have you done? This better be a good thing, otherwise I may have to kill you. Between Alice and Jasper, there is already enough tension and drama for one trip."

Renee grins and bites her lip before pulling me in close and whispering, "That's Felix, Marcus's brother and Esme's first love!"

Oh. Shit.

I barely have time to react before the front door opens and Esme emerges as all legs behind a large stack of board games.

"OK, kids this should be the last of it. Bella are you sure you grabbed the "Scene It: Twilight Edition'?"

"Yup." I say quickly, shuffling over to Edward and yanking him down so I can whisper in his ear.

"Do you know who that is?"

"No." he says, looking at the man with utter confusion.

"That's Felix!" I whisper desperately into his ear.

"Who?"

"OH NO!" I look over in the direction of the yell and watch in slow motion as Esme slips on some ice and the board games go flying. She lands with an" Oomph" right on her ass.

"Well that's not embarrassing or anything." she says with a laugh, reaching up to the take the hand offered her. When she finally looks up, she goes white as a ghost. "Felix?"

"Hello Esme." he says with a smile that could cause panties to burst into flames.

"Oh, he's good!" I laugh quietly.

Edward just looks at me totally confused.

"Who the hell is Felix?" he says again, elbowing me to get my attention.

"Marcus' brother and your moms first love. He's who she was with when her parents forced her to marry your dad."

"WHAT?" he yells, his head snapping back in the direction of his mother, who is frozen solid and just staring at Felix like she's seen a ghost.

"Shut up!" I tell him, jumping on his back and clamping my hand over his mouth. "This is a good thing. Don't you dare ruin it for your mother!"

He looks over his shoulder at me and offers me an eye roll, so I remove my hand from his mouth.

"I wasn't going to ruin anything. Excuse the fuck out of me for being shocked!"

I smile at my love and then grab his hand and turn my attention back to the reunited love birds.

"I can't believe it." Esme finally says. "It's really you."

"You look amazing, Esme. Better than I even remembered." Felix said, bending to place a kiss on her knuckles. "I hope you don't mind that Marcus and Renee invited me to join you on your holiday."

Esme brings her other hand up to her chest and swoons. Yeah, this bitch who's been on the rampage destroying everything in her path for the last month, actually swooned.

"No." she gushes. "I don't mind at all."

"You're mom is so fucked!" I laugh looking up at Edward. The look of mortification on his face, like he just walked in on his mother having sex, is priceless.

Oh yeah. This trip is going to be _epic_!

**EPOV**

I'm standing in my driveway, watching my mother blush. Who the fuck knew Esme was capable of blushing? I've seen her turn white with horror, purple with rage and puce with disgust…but never red. I rack my brain one more time…nope, definitely not red.

Emmett walks up then and smacks me hard enough on my back that I have to step forward to keep my footing.

"Bow chick a wow wow, bitches! Ten bucks says Esme totally gets laid on this trip!" he laughs.

I actually feel my balls whither and slide up my ass, making a beeline for my lower intestines.

"That's fucking sick!" I spit, trying to keep my breakfast from making an encore.

"Edward, sweetie!" Esme calls. "Come here, I want you to meet someone!"

Sweetie? Is she kidding me with this shit?

I walk over and Esme pulls me into her side.

"Felix, this is my son Edward. Edward, this is Felix. He and I are…old friends?" she says it like a question, making the whole introduction that much more awkward.

"Nice to meet you, Edward." Felix smiles. He offers me his hand and I notice it shake a little. Ah, a chink in the armor. Felix is intimidated.

I give his hand a little extra squeeze, his rapidly bobbing Adams Apple is all that gives him away. This guy is good.

"Likewise." I say and then call Bella over and introduce her as well.

With the meet and greet out of the way, we finish loading up and get ready to head out. Alice and Jasper appear just in time to dive into the back of the Escalade without saying a word to anyone. Alice has her big round Jackie O, bitch without a conscience shades on. This should be a fun trip.

"I want to ride with Bella and Edward!" Summer whines to Renee.

I look at Bella with a panicked expression on my face. There's no way I can ride for 3 ½ hours with baby Rosalie in the backseat.

Of course Bella is just staring back at me with an equally panicked expression on her face.

"No Summer, you can ride with us." Marcus says, thank you Jesus. "I think the Love Birds would like to be alone."

Bella collapses into the door with relief, while I fight the urge to do a victory lap around the car with Marcus on my shoulders! Marcus is the man!

"They're going to have to wait on that shit!" Emmett laughs, opening the back passenger door and tossing his backpack in. "Looks like I get to ride with you guys."

He points over his shoulder and I look just in time to see Felix holding the passengers side door of the Escalade open for my mom.

"Wow!" Bella chuckles. "Esme didn't waste any time did she?"

"Ha ha." I dead pan, folding myself into the Volvo.

0 0 0 0 0

We aren't even an hour into the trip and already it starts.

"I'm not telling you again, Emmett! Put your fucking shoes back on!" Bella yells, covering her nose with one hand, while she punches the shit out of him with the other.

"Seriously dude. Put the shit back on now or walk!" I threaten, rolling down my window in an attempt to get fresh air.

"Fine!" Emmett mumbles. "But if I have to wear my shoes, then you get to live with this…"

Then he hikes up one cheek and lets the loudest, nastiest fart rip that I've ever heard or smelt.

"JESUS!" Bella screams, as I swerve the car off onto the shoulder of the road and jump out, with Bella right behind me.

"FUCK!" I yell into the trees, kicking rocks with my foot.

"Edward baby, just wait a minute and it will be fine." Bella soothes.

'No it won't!" I grumble. "Between the foot odor and his ass, I'll never get the smell out. It will be like Jerry's B.O. car on Seinfeld! That kind of stink clings to interior fabrics, Bella!".

Just then Renee and Marcus pull up in the Suburban. "Everything OK, kids?" Renee asks worriedly.

"Can Emmett ride with you guys for awhile?" Bella pleads. "He likes to give Edward shit.."

"Yeah, literally!" I snort, still pissed off.

Bella jabs me in my fucking ribs again and then continues, "And Edward can't drive and deal with Emmett. It just isn't safe. So do you mind? He'll behave for you, I promise."

Then she offers them one of the sincerest smiles I have ever seen from her…and it scares the shit of me. All this time and I was convinced Bella didn't have a Poker Face.

'Sure, honey." Renee smiles. "We have plenty of room."

I open the back door and grab Emmett's bag. "OUT!" I tell him, pointing towards the Suburban. "You're being evicted. Get the fuck out!"

"Damn! You guys are no fun!" Emmett mumbles, shoving his nasty ass feet back in his boots and snatching his bag from me. He makes his way over to the Suburban and opens the back door. The last thing I hear before getting back into the Volvo is…

"So who wants to play 'Pull My Finger'?"

Bella looks at me with wide eyes, before she literally dives into the car and yells "DRIVE DAMN IT! They can't give him back unless they catch us!"

**Reviews? What do we think of Emmett? I think he's like Jasper...on a speed and coffee binge! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Day One of the "Cullen Family Christmas" commences. Just to clarify...this whole trip to cabin will unfold over the next few chapters. This isn't something I am going to be able to do in just a chapter or two. When I decided to do this sequel, I was initially going to have a lot of time jumps and skim over a lot of their last 6 months before graduation. But then the opportunity for this Christmas fiasco presented itself and it had to be done. Soooo...this sequel is going to be longer in chapters and duration than the previous stories. What does this mean in the long run? I don't know. Another sequel? Perhaps...we'll have to see...**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight.**

**EPOV**

By the time we made it up to the cabin, my car was covered in little yellow Christmas tree shaped, vanilla scented air fresheners.

They literally hung from every hang able surface in the Volvo. There were three dangling from my rear view mirror, two around the shifter, and one on each of the wardrobe hooks in the backseat. And just to protect our clothing, in case the stink breached the back wall of the car, we hung one in the trunk too. Bella even managed to find a bag of vanilla scented potpourri to fill each ashtray.

But nothing worked. My car, my baby just ended up smelling like vanilla scented ass. I'm going to have to call my insurance company after the first of the year and see about having it written off as a total loss.

"Edward, stop pouting." Bella sighed, taking off her seat belt. Esmes Escalade was parked in front of us; she and Felix were already unloading it. Jasper and Alice were no where to be found…typical.

"The car really doesn't smell that bad anymore." she smiled. "I've had my window half way up for over an hour and the smell wasn't overwhelming at all."

I shoot her dirty look to let her know I'm not amused. She's been this way, all giggly and shit, since we lost Renee and Marcus and the threat of having to ride with Emmett again was gone. She even laughed as we passed an air freshener back and forth, like it was an oxygen source.

"I hate him." I mumble. It's been my mantra since we left him on the side of the road.

"Well, beat the shit out of him then. Just do something besides complain. I'm tired of listening to it!" Bella barks, getting out of the car. "You hating him isn't going to make the smell go away."

"Hey kids! You made it!" Esme sings.

As we approach, I watch as both my mother and Felix's nostrils flared and their smiles melted away to a grimace.

"Dear God, son." my mother chokes, covering her mouth and nose with her hand. "What is that foul and mysterious odor? Did you two get sprayed by a skunk or something?"

I elbow Bella in her side. "See, I told you that kind of stink permeates fabrics! Now _we_ smell, Bella! Is the shit still funny now?"

"We didn't get sprayed by a skunk." Bella says, while giving me the stink eye…no pun intended. "We got sprayed by Emmett."

"I would have a preferred a skunk." I grumble.

"Sweet Baby Jesus!" Esme gasps. "What is wrong with that boy's digestive system?"

"Where is he?" Felix asks coughing, gagging a little and then blinking back stink induced tears. "You didn't leave him on the side of the road or something did you?"

"Would you really blame them if they did?" Esme asks, still covering her mouth and her nose. "He should be throttled for doing something like this to them."

"We didn't leave him on the side of the road." Bella sighs, rolling her eyes.

"Then where is he?" Esme asks, as she gives up on her hand and now holds her scarf up to her mouth and nose.

Before either of us can explain, Renee's black Suburban pulls up behind us. Marcus has a scowl on his face and Renee is out of the truck and charging us, before he can even bring it to a complete stop.

"Edward and Bella! How could you do that to us!" she yells, flailing her arms all over the place. "That boy should be in cased in a sound proof bubble! We had to listen to him sing 'I'm Henry the Eighth I am' for last 2 hour…"

Her rant quickly lost steam, when the wind shifted, putting her down wind from Bella and I.

"Holy shit!" she gagged, actually spitting on to the ground. Clearly she took a mouth shot on the inhale. Poor woman.

"There's nothing holy about that stink, Renee." Marcus mumbled from behind her, using a corner of his coat to filter the odor.

"OK, we stink! We get it!" Bella fumed, throwing her hands up and popping the trunk on Volvo and quickly grabbing our bags. "You guys got two hours of the most annoying song known to mankind, but Edward I got an hour of the most heinous stink you can possibly imagine! So I think you can at least thank your lucky stars it was us and not you!"

When she finished her rant, she grabbed me by my jacket front and hauled me towards the front door of the cabin.

"Where are you going?" Esme yelled back to us. "We still have the cars to unload!"

"You do it!" Bella yelled back. "Edward and I are going to shower and then burn our clothing. If I were you, I would use this time to put Emmett in line, before I kill him!"

I just smirked and went along for the ride, suddenly a whole lot less angry about the stink. Sure it ruined my car and possibly my favorite parka…but I get to shower with Bella!

**BPOV**

After Edward and I showered, using an entire bottle of body wash and rubbing our skin raw with a loofah, we started dress. Carefully sniffing each piece of clothing we removed from our bags, checking for any lingering odor.

"I thought you said this was a cabin?" I asked Edward while pulling one of his sweatshirts over my head.

"It is." he mumbled, while applying a half stick of his deodorant to each of his armpits. The poor boy is insecure and traumatized now I think.

"No." I laughed. "A cabin, by definition, is two rooms' tops. With a shitter shack out back and a camping stove in the kitchenette! Not a seven bedroom, six bath monstrosity that this place is!"

Edward just stared at me like I'd lost my mind. "What?" he said. "It's made of logs, has 4 fireplaces and its cozy. It's a cabin."

"Whatever, Edward!" I laugh, flinging the bedroom door open and going down to join the rest of the family.

"We've claimed the room I always slept in when we used to come here, Mom" Edward said, as we came down the stairs. "For the rest of you who don't know where that is…it's the second door on the right."

Everyone was present and accounted for, except Alice and Jasper. Surprise, surprise.

'Alright, where are Alice and Jasper?" I sigh, grabbing an arm load of board games from Marcus as he came up to the door.

"I think they claimed the room at the end of the hall to the left." Esme said. "They jumped out of the truck and disappeared. No one has seen them since."

"That's bullshit!" slamming the board games down on the dining room table. "They hid out all morning until the cars were loaded; now they are hiding out until they are unloaded? No fucking way!"

I stomp my way up the stairs with Esme and Edward hot on my heels. Esme is begging me to stop and leave them be, while Edward just points me in the direction of the room they have barricaded themselves in.

I knock hard on the door and can hear shuffling and voices on the other side. After a few minutes and several more knocks, the door finally opens. Alice is standing on the other side scowling at me.

"What do you want? We're napping!" she snaps.

"You can nap later!" I sneer at her, trying desperately to hold my temper in check. "You two didn't help load the cars, so now you can go down and help unload the cars!"

"I'm pregnant and shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting." Alice says, inspecting her nails. Fucking bitch.

"Fine then. Send Jasper around. He can carry up all _five_ of the suitcases you insisted on bringing."

"He can't." she sighs, leaning on the door. "I need him to take care of me. I'm not feeling too well after the long car ride. You know, being pregnant and all, too much motion makes me nauseous."

I roll my eyes and step right into her face. Esme tries to step between us, but she's quickly pushed to the side.

"So that's it then? You plan on being a royal bitch and hiding behind your pregnancy for the next six months?"

"Sure do." she shoots back, puffing out her chest…which has gotten bigger.

"That's fine, Alice. Keep treating people the way you do and see how many you have left in your corner when it's all said and done. We want to be there for you, Alice. But your selfish ass wants it on your terms or not at all. Well guess what? _I'm_ choosing not at all!"

"I'm done here, Esme. Go ahead and pamper her stupid ass all you want. Just don't expect me to do the same."

With that, Edward and I make our way back downstairs to help the others. After an hour or so, all the cars are unloaded and the bags brought in., with the exception of Alice and Jaspers suitcases. We voted and decided that they could bring them in. See, Democracy is a good thing!

After a few rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissor between Emmett, Summer and Autumn, everyone was settled in their rooms. Why Emmett wanted the one room with the two bunk beds, is beyond me. But luckily he lost out to the girls, so he gets the room with the full sized bed.

As I made my way into the kitchen, to put away the snacks and soda's leftover from the drive up. I was shocked to see that both the kitchen and pantry where already stocked.

"What the hell?" I murmured while I eyeballed the vast amounts of food on the shelves.

"I called ahead and had the caretaker stock the kitchen and bathrooms for us." Esme smiled, after realizing she'd startled me.

"That's good." I smile back, trying to get my heart rate under control. "I thought we were going to have to go out again tonight to shop."

"Oh no." Esme laughed. "We're good. And besides, the snow is really starting to pick up again. The boys are trying to get the satellite hooked up, so we can see what the Weather Channel is predicting."

"Sounds good." I say, feeling awkward now that I have nothing left to do. "What were you planning for dinner?"

"Well." Esme sighed. "Most everyone ate on the way up. So I figured we'd keep it light and do some sandwiches if people start to get hungry."

I nod my head in agreement, but before I can respond, Emmett and Felix come into the room, both looking like they lost their puppy.

"There's no TV." Emmett wails. "The fucking satellite dish is broken!"

"Well it's a good thing I brought all those board games then, isn't it?" Esme laughs, tapping her temple. "See…thinking ahead."

"If you were thinking ahead, you would have called ahead and had the satellite hooked up!" Emmett grumbled, grabbing a bag of chips and heading off towards the living room.

As I make my way out of the kitchen and towards the living room, Edward and Marcus coming stomping in the front door.

"Yeah Edward, I think leaving the windows cracked a bit is your best bet for right now."

Great. They are talking about the Volvo.

"I know I just don't want snow to get in and ruin the seats." Edward sighs, slipping his cold arms around my waist and shoving his freezing cold hands up the back of my shirt, making me squeal.

"I don't think it'll do much damage." Marcus laughs at us. "I've got a buddy who does crime scene clean-ups; I'll get a hold of him after we get back. He's got these gel disks that he puts in the room and they absorb the odor. I think if one can handle the rot of decomposition, then tossing a few under your seats might get rid of most of that stink for you."

"Really? That would be great, Marcus! Thanks!" I smile, still trying to wiggle out of Edward's frosty grip.

Just then, Esme and Renee come in the room, carrying trays full of hot chocolate.

"All right everyone! It's game time!" Esme sings happily. Her and her damn games, I swear.

"Edward why don't you get the easel from the hall closet and we'll play 'Pictionary'." she says, waving a hand towards the hallway, while she passes a steaming cup of chocolate goodness to me.

"Esme are you sure you playing that is such a good idea?" motioning my head towards Emmett, who is still sulking about the satellite on the other end of the couch.

Esme worries her bottom lip for a minute and then decides that she'll lay down harsh rules about keeping the game Rated G, convinced that that would be enough. Sure…OK…whatever. The woman is delusional if she thinks that strict rules are enough to stop Emmett from doing anything stupid.

Edward retrieves the easel and sets it up, before coming to sit next to me on the couch. He nuzzles his face into my neck and hair, while his thumb and index fingers rub the dog tags that hang around my neck.

"You guys have matching necklaces." Summer says, sitting down so close to Edward that their thighs are touching.

Edward stiffens and sits up, clearly not at all comfortable with her close proximity.

"Yes we do." I tell her with a smile, looking down at the tags resting on my chest. "Edward got them for my birthday. Mine have his initials on them and a quote from a special song. His have my initials on them and the same quote."

Summer ignore me and turns her attention back to Edward. "So how old are you?" she asks, resting her hand on his knee.

"Um" he mumbles picking me up, scooting over and then depositing me in his lap. "I'm 17 years old. Just like Bella…your sister…and my girlfriend…who I love more than life itself."

Nice…real subtle, Edward.

"Summer, honey. Leave Edward and Bella alone. Come over here and sit by Mummy and Father." Renee says, patting the seat next to her.

"Mummy and Father?" Edward whispers in my ear. I just shrug. Whatever floats their boats, I guess.

"OK, I think we're ready!" Esme says, setting out the last of the colored markers.

"Wait! Where's Alice and Jasper? Shouldn't they be down here for this?" I ask.

"I'll get them!" Emmett says, flying toward the staircase and taking the stairs two at time.

From where we sit, we can hear some muted yelling, a scuffle and a door slam. Seconds later Emmett appears with Alice and Jasper in tow.

"Now sit your asses down and be pleasant. I'm tired of your bitchiness." Emmett tells them, pushing Alice into the love seat.

The first few rounds of the game pass uneventfully. The subjects to be drawn are relatively easy. Renee and Esme seem to be the most into it. Alice is filing her nails, pretending none of us exist. Jasper is finally playing along some and even making an effort to be sociable, despite the murderous glare he's getting from Alice.

When it's finally Emmett's turn to draw, everyone sucks in a nervous breath. He grabs a card from the back of the box, where the hardest ones are kept, and smiles evilly at me. He goes to work drawing, using his enormously wide and tall body to block everyone's view of the easel. After changing the color of the marker several times, he finally steps back and smiles proudly.

"Guess what that is, bitches!"

He's drawn, in amazing detail, the male genitalia with an enormous arrow pointing to one of the nut sacks. It doesn't escape my attention that he's made the pubic hair red and the dick microscopic…asshole.

Next to that he's drawn a female stick figure with long brown hair, brown eyes and dog tags around her neck.

"Emmett!" Esme screeches jumping up. "What have you drawn? Give me that card this instant!"

Emmett hands over the card, like the scolded five year old he is. Esme reads the card and then looks up at the drawing, completely confused.

"What does the card say?" Edward asks, shifting me off his lap and standing up next to her.

Emmett smiles at Edward and points at the easel.

"Look at where the arrows pointing. It's a nut. Edward's nut." he laughs. "And then the girl is Bella."

Everyone is still staring in utter confusion. At this point you could hear crickets chirping in the room.

"Oh come on!" Emmett bellows, acting like it's obvious. "Put them together…nut… Bella. Nutbella…now say it faster…Nutella!"

"You're an ass!" Edward says lunging for Emmett, who takes off running around the couch.

"What's a matter, Edward? Didn't like me outing you about your small pee pee!" he laughs.

"You're a dead man!" Edward yells, launching himself over me and the couch, tackling Emmett to the ground. Where they proceed to roll around, knocking over coffee tables, lamps and cups of hot chocolate.

"All right, damn it!" Esme yells, stepping over them and opening the front door. "If you two want to act like animals, you can take it outside! OUT!"

Emmett and Edward stand, pushing and shoving one another towards the door, before Edward puts Emmett in a head lock, spinning him around and making a move to toss him out him out the front door. But instead of going out it, Emmett bounces off of something and falls backwards on to the floor.

Both Emmett and Edward freeze, their eyes locked on the open front door, their previous beef completely forgotten. Emmett looks to be in shock and Edward looks like he's seen a ghost. Esme, confused, peers around the door and her eye brows instantly furrow and her face goes purple with rage.

"What the fuck are you doing here!" she yells.

"What the hell?" Renee mutters as everyone else in the room gets up and moves closer to the door to get a better look.

"Nice to see you too, Esme." Carlisle says, stepping into the cabin with an uncomfortable looking Rosalie on his arm; a universal gasp echo's through out the room. "The divorce hasn't been finalized and property has yet to be divided. Since I have been denied access to my son for the holidays and Rose has been abandoned by her family, we thought a romantic trip up to Rainier was in order. I see we weren't the only ones looking to get away."

"This is my cabin, Carlisle!" Esme hisses. "My father built this place and you have no rights to it! LEAVE…NOW!"

"I'd love nothing more, Esme." Carlisle says, finally looking around and acknowledging all the elephants in the room. "It's seems all the ghosts of my past are present and accounted for and oh look, Rose. There's Emmett. Yes, I believe the gangs all here!"

"Carlisle!" Esme groans angrily. "Leave."

"Yes, well as I was saying, I would love nothing more. However, the snow has picked up tremendously and over a foot has fallen in the last hour alone. My Mercedes got stuck at the turn off. We were lucky that a logging tractor came by and offered to give us a ride up here. So I'm afraid we can't leave, Esme. Well, at least not until morning at the earliest."

"How dare you think it was OK to come here at all? This place was my father's and you'd come up here and taint it with your…your…MISTRESS!" Esme screams, lunging for Carlisle.

Edward snags Esme around the waist and tosses her back to Emmett. "Dad, mom does have a point. The decision you made to come here, was really in poor taste."

"You have a point son, but it might be good for your mother to be reminded that Felix is here as well and I'm sure that's not by accident."

"He's Marcus' brother, Carlisle." Renee said angrily. "We invited him. Esme had no idea he was even coming!"

"There's nothing going on between Esme and myself." Felix interrupts. "We're just getting to know one another again. I'm a Lawyer; I would never put her in a position that gives you ammunition to use against her in your divorce."

"We're just here to have to a good time, together as a blended family." Marcus adds.

Carlisle stares across to the other side of the room, cocking his head to the side. I follow his gaze and immediately see that he is taking in Emmett's drawing on the easel.

"Shit!" I mumble, jumping off the couch and tearing the paper down wadding it up.

"Yes, clearly I can see you are all having a great time." Carlisle says, shaking his head like he can't believe his eyes. "A perverse game of 'Pictionary' with children present, looks to be loads of fun. I'm almost sorry I missed it."

"This isn't what it looks like." Renee tried to defend.

"Well Renee, if this is your way of teaching the children about the human anatomy, then I have to give you an A+ for originality. Clearly my college Professors, whose classes I slept through, could've learned a thing or two from you. "

"Dad!" Edward yelled. "Stop being a pompous and judgmental dick. You're not just going to show up and start throwing insults around. So knock it off!"

"Dick?" Carlisle said, raising one eye brow. "That's some mouth you've got on you Need I remind you that you are only 17 years old and therefore still considered a child? Perhaps a bar of soap is in order."

Felix stepped in then and put his hand on Edwards shoulder.

"In the State of Washington at 17 years of age, Edward is technically already considered an adult. While his statement may be disrespectful, he isn't out of line for calling them like he sees them, Carlisle."

"This isn't any of your concern Felix. I would suggest that since you're merely a platonic guest here that you stay out of it." Carlisle growls.

"Yes, I am Edward and Esmes friend, Carlisle. But also after the first of the year, I will be taking over as Esmes representation in your divorce proceedings. So if I were you, I would watch how you treat your wife and son during your stay. There are only seven potential witnesses standing around you right now."

"You're resorting to threats now Felix? Is that what we've come too?" Carlisle laughs, trying to salvage his dignity.

"No threats Carlisle." Felix smiles, unfazed by Carlisle's attitude. "Only promises."

Carlisle narrows his eyes at Felix, before snatching up Rosalie's hand and pulling her towards the stair case.

We'll need a room for the night. I'll call a towing service in the morning." he tells Esme as he passes her.

"Fine." Esme snorts. "Renee, we'll put the girls on the trundle bed in your room for the night. Carlisle and Rosalie can take the bunk beds."

The only sound to be heard in the cabin, apart from Carlisle and Rosalie's unhappy foot steps stomping up the stairs, is nine peoples stifled laughter.

"Rosalie and Carlisle in bunk beds? Are you kidding me?" Renee giggles. "Please tell me someone brought a camera!"

**So what do we think of Day One with the Cullen's? Love it or hate it? Let me know! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This is late...so sorry! I had this unexpected busy week and then I got into a writing funk! Blech... But I think I've redeemed myself with this chapter and with this huge snow storm we are supposed to be getting...I have an excuse to sit my lazy ass at home and do nothing but write! So with any luck, you'll see a few chapters post soon! Yay!**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**EPOV**

"Putting Dad and Rosalie in the bunk beds! That's just rich!" Edward laughed, throwing his arm over Esme's shoulders.

"I'm glad that amuses you, Edward." Esme replied seriously. "Because with your father here, we're going to have to make some changes in the sleeping arrangements. You and Bella can't sleep together in the same bed. "

"Edward can sleep with me!" Summer interrupted enthusiastically. "Autumn can sleep between Mummy and Father in their bed."

"See Renee!" Marcus yelled pointing at Summer. "I told you that girl was boy crazy! As soon as we get home, I'm having her transferred to a Girls Only school!"

Esme rolled her eyes and then continued. "I'm afraid you and Jasper are going to have to bunk together, Edward. Bella and Alice will also have to share a room."

"WHAT?" the four of us yelled in unison.

"Esme, you can't be serious! There's no way I can share a room with Alice when she's acting this way!" Bella fumed. "I could very easily turn a pillow into a deadly weapon!"

"Don't you threaten me, Bella Swan!" Alice cried.

"Oh shut up, Alice!" Bella yelled. "I'm not threatening you, I'm trying to save your life, so can it!"

"Girls! That is enough!" Esme fumed stepping between them. "We are all making sacrifices now that those two are here. Summer and Autumn are going to have to be squished together on a twin sized trundle bed. So I think you can survive one night together in a king sized bed!"

"Two girls together on a small twin sized bed?" Felix asked. "Non-sense. They can take my room and I'll bunk in Emmett's room on the trundle."

"You want to sleep in Emmett's room? Are you insane?" Marcus asked incredulously. "Did you smell what he did to Edwards Volvo? And that's _when_ he had control over his bodily functions? Are you sure you're ready to find out what happens when he's unconscious and doesn't?"

"Emmett knows better than to assault me with his flatulence." Felix replied, giving Emmett a pointed look. "And if he doesn't, then I would just have to remind him that I found a stapler in one of the bureau drawers earlier."

"A stapler?" Emmett asked, confused.

"What is open can be closed… permanently…and with force if necessary." Felix replied with an evil smirk.

Emmett thought it over for a second, before cringing and rubbing his ass as it registered. Something tells me Felix isn't someone you want to cross…ever!

"Look everybody, this whole situation is just wrong and should never have happened. But it did and now we have to deal with it." Esme explained. "Everyone needs to just go on about their business and pretend as if they aren't here. Carlisle said he'd call a towing service in the morning, so with any luck, this will all be resolved in a few hours."

"Yes, Esme is right.' Felix nodded in agreement. "Carlisle is going to try to push buttons and look for things he can use against Esme in court. So we all need to be in control of ourselves and suppress the urge to do him bodily harm when he mouths off. Just let him be and ignore him."

"Great! So Carlisle shows up and everyone has to tap dance. This sucks!" Emmett frowned, kicking the banister of the stairs.

"Em? Are you OK with Rosalie being here?" Bella asked concern clear on her face.

Emmett just shrugged. "I'm not sure how I feel about any of this. But the woman that walked in here on Carlisle's arm isn't the woman I used to know."

"Alright, well why don't we get everyone moved around to their new rooms and go from there." Renee suggested.

00000

"How the hell am I supposed to move my stuff, when I packed us both in the same suitcase?" Bella frowned stacking her clothes on the bed.

I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back into my chest. "Breathe love. It's only for one night. We can do this." I mumbled into her strawberry scented hair.

Bella turned in my arms and hugged me tightly. "But I don't want too! This is so unfair. Your dad shows up unannounced and everyone has to rearrange their lives to accommodate him."

"It's not our lives, baby." I laughed. "It's just one night. You really don't want to share a room with Alice do you?"

"No." she said defiantly pulling away from me. "Do you really want to share a bed with Jasper?"

"Absolutely not." I replied cringing. "He drools, snores, farts and grinds his teeth. I'd take Alice's bitching any day over that!"

"Fine." Bella pouted. "But I'm not going to be able to sleep without you wrapped around me. You've spoiled me."

"And I'm not going to be able to sleep without you waking me up moaning my name in your sleep." I smiled, earning a slap in the chest.

"I so don't do that!" Bella laughed.

Oh love, if you only knew what you do in your sleep. I have a bald spot on one of my legs, from where she's humped it to within an inch of its life on more than one occasion during one of her sexy dreams.

**BPOV**

I finally gave up on moving all my clothes to Alice and Jasper's room without a bag. Fuck it; Carlisle can just deal with mine and Edwards's clothes co-habitating together in a suitcase!

I changed into my pajama pants and tank top with Edward in the room. I'm past the point of caring anymore. Although watching Edward's eyes darken with lust when he realized I was wearing my panties with the cherries on them, was priceless. It was supposed be a sexy little surprise for him to find tonight. But of course Carlisle fucked those plans up as well.

I was just pulling on a hoodie, when there was a knock on the door. "Edward? Is it cool to come in?" Jasper asked.

I just nodded at Edward, as he turned to open the door. Jasper came in pulling a Spider Man suitcase on wheels.

"I talked to Alice, Bella. She shouldn't give you much of a hassle. I laid down the law with her."

Edward laughed at this. "You mean you made some suggestions and then she threw you out of the room, right?"

"Pretty much." Jasper admitted. "She scares me man. Her moods are all over the place. I'm about to get whiplash!"

"Well she's not going to be pulling her shit with me tonight. If she starts something, I am damn well going to be finishing it!" I said sternly, letting Jasper know that I meant business.

I turned for the door and just as I went for the door knob, Edward stepped in front of it, pouting his lower lip.

"No bed time kisses?" he asked, looking at me from under his long gorgeous lashes.

I smiled up at him, biting my lower lip. "Come here." I growled, pulling his lips down to mine.

What was supposed to have been a chaste good night kiss, turned into me sandwiched between the wall and Edward with my leg hitched around his hip.

"Oh man!" Jasper wailed, coming back into the room from the adjoining bathroom. "Why the fuck would grind on him like that and give him a boner before he had to get in bed with me?"

I looked down between us and noticed that there was a sizeable tent situation going on in Edwards flannel pajama pants.

"Fuck" Edward growled into my neck. "I'm so fucking hard I could club a baby seal to death with my cock!"

Jasper hissed from the bed in disgust. "I'm still in the room and don't need that visual, Asshat."

I grabbed Edwards hand, stuck my tongue out Jasper and bee lined for the door.

"Where are we going?" Edward smiled.

"To find some baby seals!" I huffed, pulling him along behind me.

We bounced down the stairs giggling and shushing each other the whole way down, while Edward tried grabbing my ass.

"Bathroom?" Edward asked, pointing down the hall.

"Sure" I laughed. It would only be the second time we'd had sex in a bathroom in the last 24 hours. Sexy.

We very loudly made our way down the hall to the bathroom, throwing each other into the walls while kissing passionately, only to find a light glowing light from under the closed door.

"Shit." Edward whispered, before rapping on the door, while I attacked his neck and ear with my tongue. "Who's in there?"

"It's me dude!" Emmett grunted. "That Taco Bell is coming back with a vengeance."

"Holy hell!" Edward muttered.

"Closet?" I asked, determined to get my happy place with Edwards help.

Edward smirked and spun us around, lifting me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. In seconds had us in the pantry, with my ass propped up on a shelf, next to some cans of Pork and Beans.

Edward ripped off my hoodie and tank top in one fell swoop.

"I swear to God I can't get enough you." he panted in my ear. "I just want to be inside of you all the time."

Unable to form words, I just moaned in response while I tugged his t-shirt over his head and untied his pants at the same time, letting them fall to his feet in a puddle. I groaned when I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear underneath.

"So fucking hot!" I moaned, as my mouth attacked his nipples.

Edward picked me up again and jerked my pants with one hand down to my knees, before he set me back down and took them the rest of the way off.

"Fucking cherries" he growled as he looked down at my underwear. Before yanking them off and tossing them over his shoulder. The move would have been hot as hell, had they not ricocheted off the wall on the other side of the small space and landed back on his head, making me giggle uncontrollably.

"You think this is funny?" Edward growled at me, peaking out one of the leg holes with one eye. "I could get Pink Eye from this and you're laughing?"

That only made me laugh harder and before long he was laughing with me, while trying in vain to smother my snorts with his hand.

"Stop Bella!" he chuckled. "You're going to get us busted, Love."

I looked up, but the damn panties were still on his head and that only made me laugh more.

Deciding that desperate times called for desperate measures, Edward thrust into me hard and quick. My laughter instantly morphed into a strangled moan.

"God!" I whimpered, seeing stars already.

"That's not God doing that to you, Love." Edward murmured in my ear, licking around the shell. "That's all me."

With my panties still on his head, Edward started pounding into me hard and fast. The look in the one eye I could see was feral. Then the dirty talking started and quickly drowned out the creaking of the shelves and the clanking of the cans on the shelf.

"God Bella, you're fucking Kitty is so tight and wet and warm." he moaned in my ear. "It's so fucking good, love. I love to be buried in you and feel you come on my cock…fuucckkk."

Dirty talking Edward is my new favorite person. My cooch started tingling with his words and the delicious coil in my stomach started to tighten.

I looked over Edwards shoulder and noticed the washer and dryer behind him. It looked so much more comfortable then the edges of the shelves that were currently cutting into my back, shoulders and upper thighs.

"Washer." I moaned while Edward picked me up and spun us around setting me down on top of it.

With a devious smirk, he twisted the dial to spin cycle and pressed start.

The vibrations, combined with his relentless thrusting, sent me flying over the edge screaming.

"MOTHERFUCK…" I screamed before Edwards mouth clamped over mine swallowing it.

"Shhh, Love." he mumbled against my lips. "I love to hear you scream while I'm fucking you, but I really need you to be quiet right now."

I was seeing stars and colors and little silver circles, while my clit did a somersaulting back flip with a full twisting layout due to all the stimulation it was being subjected to right now. I would have blacked out had Edwards words not kept me grounded.

"Fucking hell, Bella. I can feel you coming all over me." he groaned, pounding even harder into me.

I was panting through my mouth, my breathing embarrassingly loud, trying to get a grip on myself.

"Oh no you don't, baby." Edward chuckled. "You don't get to come down. You're going to come again… with me."

Edward then tossed both my legs over his shoulders, leaning forward to support himself on his hands that were placed on either side of my head. Essentially folding me in half.

"Fuuuccckkk" we both moaned in unison. Edward had never been buried so deep inside of me.

"Holy Mother of God." he groaned in my ear. "Fuck that's intense."

I looked down and saw that Edward's balls were skimming against the still vibrating top of the washer. The sensation was causing his eyes to roll back in his head. I could tell he was getting close.

"Fuck, you have to come with me, Bella." he moaned, his entire face now poking through one of the leg openings in my panties.

I reached down between us and started frantically rubbing on my clit. I could feel sparks start shooting through my body again and felt myself start clamping down on Edwards cock again.

"So…mother…fucking…good!" Edward chanted, speeding up his hips, until it sounded like the washer was going to break through the wall.

Finally, right as I reached my peak, Edward flew over his. He was amazing to watch. The way his neck craned back, his mouth wide open, his back arched and his hips grinding into me while he rode out his orgasm. Even with my panties stretched over his head and his face peeking out the leg hole, he was still beautiful.

Finally he collapsed against my chest, breathing heavily and mumbling about how it's never been better.

"I'm telling you I heard thumping!"

Edward and I both froze when we heard Emmett's voice boom through the house.

"It's probably just the pipes, Emmett."

"Marcus?" I mouthed to Edward. We were both frozen solid, staring at each other wide eyed.

Just then we could clearly see three sets of feet under the door.

"Did you lock the door?" I whispered to Edward.

"Um…" was all he got out, before the door opened and there stood Emmett, Marcus and Jasper.

All three men stood there gaping at the scene before them. There we were naked, me bent in half over Edward's shoulders and Edward with my panties on his head, his cock still in me, on top of a vibrating washer.

I watched as Jasper, Emmett and Marcus' heads tilted to the side simultaneously as they took us in. Probably trying to figure out where I started and Edward ended.

"Oh god! Not happening!" I murmured, burying my head in the crook of Edward's neck in embarrassment.

"Do you mind?" Edward yelled, reaching out and pulling the door closed, right in their stunned faces.

"Wow. Just looking at that made my back hurt." Emmett mumbled on the other side of the door.

"Who knew Bella was so flexible." Jasper agreed.

"Actually, I think she gets that from Renee." Marcus added.

"Will you guys shut the fuck up and go away!" I yelled, not wanting to hear that my mom was an amateur contortionist in her free time.

"We're never going to hear the end of this." Edward grumbled, pulling out of me and standing up. I laughed as he tried to pull my panties off his head. By the time he finally pried them loose, they had left a red ring around his face and head.

"Fuck! Bella!" Edward groaned, pointing to his head as he checked out his reflection in a pot hanging from a hook "How the hell am I going to explain this?"

I was useless, doubled over, holding my stomach and doing the Pee Pee Dance.

Edward sighed at my antics and threw my wadded up panties at me. "Thanks a lot, Babe. I give you two mind blowing orgasms and this is how you repay me?"

"Oh stop being a baby!" I laughed, pulling on my panties.

**EPOV**

After the amazing pantry sex, we made our way back upstairs and did some rather heated good night making out in the hallway…before we finally parted ways for the night.

I walked into the room I was now sharing with Jasper, to find him laying in bed with a bag of chips and crumbs everywhere.

"Great. Now I get to sleep with crumbs sticking to my ass all night!" I yelled. "I swear you're such a pig!"

"Gee and I would have thought that getting your dick wet, would have put you in a better mood!" Jasper scoffed.

"Yeah, thanks for standing there and gawking at my girlfriend you Douche!"

"I'm not even going to apologize for that either, Bro. That was totally hot! Alice has three acceptable sexual positions and that's it." Jasper said, shaking his head. "You are one lucky Motherfucker!"

I turned away from the bed and smiled. I was one lucky motherfucker and knew it. Bella is gorgeous, has a rocking body and is kinky as hell. She's everything any guy could ask for and more.

I pulled off my t-shirt and jumped into bed, getting settled under the blankets.

"Enough with the chips, Asshole. It's time for lights out." I told Jasper, ripping the bag out of his greasy paws.

Jasper sighed, muttering something about me being bossy, like a two year old and then started to climb under the covers.

I quickly rolled over and through my arm down on the blankets.

"No fucking way!" I yelled. "We might have to share the same bed, but I'm not getting under the covers with you!"

"Dude!" Jasper cried. "It's fucking freezing! What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Spare blanket!" I said, pointing to the closet. "There's no way I am going to risk crossing swords with you!"

I watched as Jasper threw open the closet doors and pulled down a spare blanket that was a bit dusty from lack of use.

"Man! This smells like moldy balls!" holding the blanket up to his nose and cringing.

"Well then that should be an improvement from the smell of your blankets at home." I mumbled, flopping around on the bed trying to get comfortable.

I finally settled on my side, with my back to Jasper's side of the bed. I felt the bed dip when he finally decided to lay his ass down. He flopped around for a few minutes, before finally finding his comfy place.

I closed my eyes and started to drift off, when I felt warm breath on my neck.

"What the fuck!" I yelled, jumping out of the bed and flipping on the light.

"Sorry man." Jasper apologized, having the decency to look ashamed. "I'm just freezing my ass off."

I held up one finger and went to the hall closet, where I pulled down a spare comforter and 3 spare pillows. I came back in the room and tossed the comforter at him. I then used to the pillows to build a wall down the center of the bed.

"Cross it and die, Fucker!" I warned, before getting back under the covers clenching my ass cheeks together…just in case!

00000

As it turned out, the ass clenching was entirely necessary.

I woke at 6 a.m. feeling very warm and toasty. I felt around and discovered an arm wrapped tightly around my torso and a warm body cuddled into my back.

Smiling, I roll over in the darkness and move to push the hair out of Bella's face. As I do I hear a moan and then a loud fart.

Blinking, I stifle a chuckle. That's the first time I've ever heard Bella fart in her sleep. Now that she's done it, I can't let it go. She must be embarrassed and flogged immediately.

Propping myself up on my elbow, I lean in until I find her ear and whisper seductively, "Damn Baby! Even your farts turn me on."

I then grabbed her hand and place it on my rapidly hardening cock.

"Feel that, Baby?" I moan. "That's what you do to me. This is what I walk around with every fucking day!"

I feel the bed shift as Bella groggily rolls over, draws in a breath and then mumbles "Alice." in a deep raspy voice.

"Alice?" I ask completely confused.

Suddenly reality comes crashing down on me. Carlisle and Rosalie. My mom changing room arrangements. Jasper and I sharing a bed.

The person spooning me when I woke had chest hair. I felt it tickling my back.

I quickly realize that means one thing. The person with their hand presently on my cock…NOT BELLA!

I jumped out of the bed like it was on fire! "Jasper you stupid Motherfucker!" I yell. Causing him to jump out of the bed.

I cringed when I realized he was clad in nothing more than a pair of tighty whities.

"Where the fuck are your pants, Man?" I yell, pointing at his prominent morning wood.

"I always sleep like this!" Jasper mumbled climbing back into bed. "What the fuck is your problem? You scared the shit out of me and ruined a perfectly good dream! I was in the middle of fucking my girl with a life like dildo!"

"You fucking spooned me, you nasty bitch!" I screamed, shivers of disgust rolling through me so hard that it felt like a seizure.

"Spooned you?" he asks sleepily.

"Yeah, like your cock was all up on my ass!"

"Damn man. Sorry, I had no idea." he apologizes, before settling back into the covers.

"Yeah and the dildo you were using on Alice in your dream?" I snarl

.

Jasper raises his head, opens one eye and gives me a confused look. "Yeah, what about it?"

I laughed humorlessly. "That was my cock…that your hand was wrapped around."

"What!" Jasper screeches. Jumping from the bed like a bullet. " I grabbed your junk?"

I nod my head and cringe at the memory.

"Was it in the pants or out?" he begs, his eyes opened so wide I was afraid they'd pop out of their sockets.

"What?" I ask.

"In or out?" he asks motioning to my pajama pants covered crotch.

"Does it really matter?" I ask rolling my eyes. "Either way the result is same…you violated me.":

"Stop fucking with me, Bro." Jasper fumes. "Was my hand on your bare cock or not?"

"Hell no!" I whispered yelled. "You wouldn't be breathing right now if you it was!"

"Thank God." Jasper sighs in relief. Before going in the bathroom to wash his hands.

When he comes out, I am standing there with his blankets folded neatly in a pile with his pillow on top.

"Go ride the couch, Ass Bandit."

**The fun has already commenced and were just barely done with Day One of this adventure! Any guesses as to what happens next? Do you love or hate it? Let me know!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry about the late update! Holiday craziness you know? I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and will have a safe, Happy New Year!**

**BIG NEWS:**** 2011 will be bringing with it a BRAND NEW STORY! I know I've mentioned it before, but I am currently 23 Chapters into WITH OR WITHOUT YOU! This is a really different kind of story for me! There is still humor, but there is also some angst! I don't want to give too much away...but our Edward is a little broken! This is not the kind of story that can go a long time between updates, so I am pre-writing the whole thing and then updating it quickly! One of my Pre-readers who has been invaluable to me, is using words like "EPIC" to describe this story! Maybe she's just stroking my opinion...but she's also threatening to send a bill me for her Kleenex usage! So look for that to publish in the next week or so! **

**P.S. Sorry if you reviewed and didn't get a response. I've just been working so hard on WOWY...I really want to get this published! **

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!**

**EPOV**

After tossing Jasper out of the room on his ear, I managed to get back to sleep for a little while longer. When I finally did wake up, the clock read 9:15.

"Ugh." I groaned, rolling over and arching my back in a stretch. It actually felt good to hear my bones snapping and popping.

I had my eyes closed and smiled as I relived the last bit of the sexy dream I had…starring Bella.

"You have nice pecks."

My eyes shot open and I sat up bed, clutching the covers to me like a virgin on Prom Night.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I growled at Summer. She was sitting in a chair, leaning over with her elbow propped up on her knee and her chin resting on her curled up fist.

"I just came to say hi." she said with a smirk, her eyes focused on my upper chest. Causing me to slouch in the bed and yank the covers up to my chin.

"You really shouldn't be in here." I told her as nicely I could. This wasn't easy because she was totally creeping me out.

"It's OK." Summer laughed, moving to sit on the side of my bed. "I got up early. I don't think anyone is even awake yet."

I leaped off the bed, still gripping the blankets tightly to me. "This isn't right Summer." I said sternly. "You can't just go around breaking into people's rooms and watch them sleep!"

"You moan in your sleep." she replied, totally unfazed by the fact that I had basically told her to leave. "And you have a hard on. I saw it when you rolled over."

"How long have you been in here?" I asked, more then a little freaked out and violated.

"It was still dark." she shrugged, as she picked up my pillow and sniffed it.

My eyes widen and I felt like I was going to be sick. I rushed for the door and made my way down to Bella's room. I didn't even bother to knock. I walked in and found Alice and Bella still asleep with a mountain of pillows stacked in the middle of the bed. Clearly they had resolved nothing during their sleep over.

I walked around to Bella's side of the bed and crawled in behind her. "Edward what the hell are you doing?" she mumbled.

"I woke up and your little sister was in my room watching me sleep. She frightens me Bella!" I whined.

"What?" Bella screeched sitting up in bed.

"Summer. She was sitting in a chair next to my bed, watching me sleep. She said it was still dark when she came in." I couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through me.

"Renee!" Bella yelled, tossing her blankets back and storming out of the room.

"What the?" Alice said, sitting up in bed and rubbing her sleep laden eyes.

"Go back to bed, Alice." I told her, jumping from the bed to follow Bella. I stopped and grabbed a wife beater and slipped it on, on my way.

By the time I caught up to Bella, she was standing outside of Renee and Marcus' room banging on the door.

"Bella, Sweetie what's the matter?" Renee said, opening the door, while tying the front of her bath robe closed.

"You need to keep that daughter of yours on leash!" Bella spat.

Renee's eyes went wide as Marcus walked up behind her scratching his head.

"What's going on?" he asked, through a yawn.

"Summer!" Bella stormed, as if that was an explanation. "She went into Edwards's room in the wee hours of the morning and watched him sleep!"

Renee and Marcus pushed past Bella and I and went down to the room where Summer and Autumn slept. Just as expected, Autumn was still sound asleep and Summer was gone.

"Summer!" Renee yelled.

"Down here Mummy!" she yelled back with an innocent baby doll voice.

All four of us charged down the stairs and found Summer alone, sitting at the kitchen table reading a Teen Magazine and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal, looking sweet and innocent while batting her blue eyes.

"Summer, were you in Edwards room this morning, Young Lady!" Marcus bellowed.

"No Father." she said, smiling innocently. "I know better than to go in someones room while they're still sleeping…it's rude!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled. "You were sitting in a chair watching me sleep! Then you sniffed my pillow!"

"Gross!" Summer scoffed. "Like I would even want to smell your pillow full of drool! You must have been dreaming."

"Alright, enough." Marcus said sternly. "I don't know what's going on here, but just so we're clear, Summer you are not to go anywhere near Edward's room. You got that?"

"Yes Sir." she mumbled, picking at her cereal.

"I mean it, Summer! If I find out you were anywhere near that boys room, you'll be bunking in the bed between Mummy and I for the remainder of the trip! Now go upstairs and wake your sister."

I looked over at Bella and she was pissed. Her eyes were narrowed into slits and her arms were folded across her chest as she watched Summer climb the stairs, while looking over her shoulder at me.

"Bella? Edward? I am really so sorry about this. Summer has always been a precocious child." Renee explained.

"Precocious my ass!" Marcus mumbled. "More like a pain in the ass!"

Renee gave Marcus the stink eye and then continued. "She recently discovered boys and I'm afraid it's gone to her head. We weren't really aware of how 'determined' she was, until she arrived home for Holiday Break. I really never thought we'd have a problem, otherwise I would have warned you."

"It's fine Renee. I'll just make sure my bedroom door is locked from now on." Yeah, more like bolted fucking closed with furniture stacked in front of it.

Bella stood next me tapping her foot and grinding her teeth. "I can't believe you are just going to chalk this up to hormones and leave it at that! She was in his _room_, Renee! Do you have any idea how twisted that is?"

"Bella, I can understand how upsetting this is for you. But really, you have trust that Marcus and I can handle this." Renee said lightly, trying to reason with Bella.

"Handle this?" Bella laughed. "Renee this goes beyond a crush…this is hereditary! I've watched Rosalie display the same kind of obsessive tendencies over the years and have gotten screwed over every time she did! If you think I am going to sit idly by while she violates my man…you're wrong!"

"Bells come on! She's twelve…" Marcus started only to be cut off when Bella slammed her hand down on the counter.

"And Rosalie was 8 years old when she manipulated my father and isolated me from having a relationship with him! I know what manipulative little girls are capable of Marcus! I've lived through it once and I am NOT doing it again! You've been warned! She pulls anything else with Edward and I won't bite my tongue!"

Bella turned and stormed up the stairs, leaving nothing but a group of hanging jaws in her wake. My jaw was on the floor, but my cock was pointing straight up the stairs, begging me to follow her. That shit was HOT!

"I think she's a lot more traumatized about her childhood then she lets on." Renee murmured to Marcus. "I knew that it affected her, but to want to take it out on a young girl? I'm worried!"

What the hell? I turned around and glared at Renee.

"Um, no offense, but what the fuck Renee?" I spat. "Are you so blind that you can't see how seriously fucked up Summer's behavior really is? Bella's right, Summer isn't just stalking me; she's also lying to you about it! Why would she do that if this was only a crush? I think she's purposefully trying to force a competition for my attention, because she's jealous over the fact that Bella has had the majority of yours while she's been away at school."

"He's right, Renee." Marcus sighed. "I think Summer is jealous of Bella and is trying to get to her through Edward. I think our little Summer has blossomed into a Master Manipulator and it has to stop."

"Do you honestly think that's it?" Renee questioned, her brows furrowed together, deep in thought.

"It's not like she saw Bella coming, Renee." I laughed. "You suddenly sprung this long lost sister on her and then spent all your free time with her, while you sent other daughter's off to school only to see them a few times a year. She's bitter as fuck and wants blood from Bella! Count on it."

With that I took the stairs two at a time and found Bella curled up on my bed. I quietly shut and locked the door behind me, before crawling in behind her, pulling her into my chest.

"Talk to me." was all I said as I wound one arm under her head and then other around her waist.

Bella sighed and sniffled…she was crying. "I can't do this again with another sister Edward. I know you love me and that she's only twelve, but she has all the power just like Rosalie did. She can make it so Renee turns her back on me. She can make false accusations against you and take you away from me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but you don't know how people like Rosalie and Summer operate, Edward. They are ruthless and will stop at nothing to get what they want."

"Do you really think she'd go so far as to accuse me of sexual assault?" I asked quietly. I mean clearly this girl has some issues, but is she really capable of something that under handed and low?

"I don't put anything past anyone anymore…Rosalie has made sure of that. Every time I was happy, she found away to take it from me. That little blonde haired, blood sucking parasite has the same look in her eyes Rosalie did, right before she went in for the kill."

Bella rolled over in my arms then, so she could look into my eyes. "Just promise me that you'll be aware of yourself, Baby. Don't put yourself in a situation where you're ever alone with her. Promise me."

"I promise." I murmured, kissing the tip of her nose and tucking her head under my chin. "I love you and would never do anything that would jeopardize our relationship. I need you too much, Love."

I felt her body release its tension at my words. "I love you, Edward. So, so much."

I smiled and kissed the top of her head, as I ran my fingers through her hair. I would never in a million years get tired of hearing that.

After a few peaceful minutes of holding my angel in my arms, I have to ask the inevitable question that I had been dreading all morning.

"So tell me about your night with Alice?"

**BPOV**

I roll my eyes and sigh. We were having this romantic moment and I was in total bliss wrapped in his arms and he has to ruin it by bringing Alice up.

"Oh, well you know, she made a show of not being able to get comfortable. She was flopping around the bed like a fish out of water and managed to kick and punch me several times, claiming it was an accident."

Edward sighed and whispered "Sorry" into the top of my head and offered to kiss all the places that she kicked…that made me chuckle.

"Other than that we really didn't talk much. Though after 4th ass punch, I'd had enough and was ready to smother her with a pillow. But I reigned myself in and put them to better use instead."

Edward laughed, "Yeah, I saw that this morning! That was some wall you had constructed there."

Just then there was a soft knock at the door. "Edward? Bella?"

"Not happening!" Edward groaned, before getting up and answering the door. An apologetic looking Esme and Felix stood on the other side.

"Can we come in and talk privately, please?" Esme asked. Edward just help his arm out in a grand sweeping gesture. "Thank you and please close the door behind us." she whispered.

Edward made sure the door was secure and then came back to sit with me on the bed.

"We didn't sleep together." Edward said defensively. "We've just had a really bad morning and Bella was upset."

"I know." Esme smiled. "But the two of you really need to be careful with Carlisle in the house. Even this thing with snuggling in bed with the door closed could be twisted and used against me."

"What?" Edward yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm going to be eighteen in less then six months, Mom. In the eyes of the court, I am already an adult! Felix said so himself last night! And it's not like we're fucking each others brains out up here!"

"I know you're not 'fucking each other's brains out' up here." Esme quoted, making air quotes and everything. "It seems you two like to save that for the pantry! And you're cleaning the butt prints off my washer, by the way!"

"Who told?" Edward seethed. "It was Emmett or Jasper, wasn't it?"

"No Edward, I haven't seen either of the boys this morning. My room is directly above the pantry. Trust me; I heard a lot more than I wanted too." Esme said, shuddering a little. "And by the way, all that talk about Kitties…you guys better not be hiding a cat in my Guest House! I'm allergic to them!"

I brought my fist up to my mouth and bit down, trying to stifle my laughter. Edward on the other hand turned beet fucking red, mumbled something about a shower and took off into the bathroom.

"I'm really sorry about this Bella. I just need you kids to be cooperative until Carlisle is gone." Esme smiled as she left room. "I'll see you guys at breakfast."

I nodded my head and once the door was closed, I fell face first into the bed, laughing until I cried.

00000

Edward and I got ready for the day and then went down to see what the plans were. Unfortunately the weather had not improved much over night. Snow was still falling pretty heavily and the winds were howling pretty good. Marcus had opened the front door and was met with a shoulder high drift. As the men discussed snow removal and splitting wood, neither Edward or I were feeling comfortable being in the same room with Summer, so we went into the kitchen to find the women.

Esme was getting a jump start on lunch and was chopping vegetables for the salad. We offered to help and were immediately directed to put together a tray of assorted lunch meats, breads and cheeses. Edward ate more than he assembled, so I eventually shooed him off to put together a fruit platter.

Our work was interrupted by a throat clearing. I looked up and noticed Carlisle standing in front of Esme, with his phone in hand.

"Bad news." he started. "The roads have worsened overnight and there is no way a towing service can up here to pull the Mercedes out. It looks like we're stranded for another couple of days."

Esme's eyes went wide and her grip on the knife in her hand turned from a chopping position, to one of a dagger wielding maniac. Edward, who'd had his back turned to the conversation, suddenly turned around with a smile on his face and grabbed the hand that Esme had on the knife.

"OK mom, the fruit platter is finished; I can do the vegetables now. Why don't you go find Felix and see about getting the shovels and stuff together so the guys can clear the porch."

Esme blinked, looked up at Edward and then released her death grip on the knife. "Yeah, I'll just go find Felix." she said, shaking her head. "Thank you Edward."

With that, she quickly retreated from the room. Carlisle stood still as stone in the middle of the kitchen, probably realizing how close he'd come to death.

Edward and I just pretended like he wasn't even there. I laughed as Edward teased me with a baby carrot. He'd pretend to want to feed it to me and then just as it got to my mouth, he'd pull it back and pop it in his own with that damn crooked smile plastered on his face.

"Jerk!" I laughed, swatting him on the arm.

"Mmm, best carrot ever!" Edward moaned, rolling his eyes in a theatrical display of indulgence.

"So that's it then?" Carlisle finally asked. "Everyone is just going to pretend like Rosalie and I aren't here for the remainder of the trip?"

"What do you want us to do?" Edward asked casually, popping another carrot in his mouth. "Fawn over the two of you and dance naked around the Christmas tree, thanking God that you got your Mercedes stuck while going to visit a cabin that doesn't belong to you and that you weren't invited to use?"

I turned back to assembling the cold cuts, chuckling under my breath. As much as Edward's smart assed mouth pissed me off…it was times like that this that I could truly appreciate it.

"Well no. Of course not!" Carlisle huffed. "But what's done is done. You could at least show some hospitality given the situation. Putting us in bunk beds is just juvenile and threatening me with knives is criminal. I hate repeating myself, but what's done is done, hostility isn't going to change the circumstances any."

Edward went back to chopping the vegetables while laughing. "Being ungrateful isn't going to change the circumstances either Old Man. I think you should be thankful that you even got bunk beds to sleep on. Mom could have easily banished to you to the pull out sofa and that lumpy ass excuse of mattress. Tis the season to be thankful for all that you have…so I wouldn't waste it bitching about the sleeping arrangements. Especially since you didn't have to share a bed with Jasper last night!"

"I'm being serious here and you're being passive!" Carlisle fumed. "Is it really too much to ask that we be included, rather excluded?"

Edward sighed loudly and set the knife down on the counter, clearly irritated. "What would you like me to do Carlisle? Go out there, call a family meeting and tell everyone to play nice?"

'Well, yes!" Carlisle huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. "I don't think being cordial is asking too much."

"Fine." Edward snorts, tossing a handful of chopped carrots in a bowl, wiping his hands of a dish towel as he makes his over to the kitchen door.

"Excuse me everyone! Can I have your attention, please." he bellows into the room, for affect. "Could everyone please refrain from being openly rude to my dad and Rosalie. Apparently it hurts their feelings and we can't have that."

"Openly rude?" Emmett yells back. "What about being rude behind their backs? Is that OK?"

Carlisle's face turned a comical shade of purple, as he stormed past Edward and charged up the stairs. "You know what? Just screw it and forget I said anything at all!"

Edward looked back at me and we both started cracking up!

"God you are such a smart ass!" I laughed holding my stomach.

"The look on his face…"

"Emmett was priceless!" Edward chuckled. "I love that big smelly son of a bitch!"

Just then Jasper came bolting into the kitchen laughing. "Oh man you two…Esme…you just have to see this!"

We all scrambled out of the kitchen just in time to see Esme charging up the stairs with a shovel.

"What the hell?" Edward mumbled, grabbing my hand and following her up the stairs, with everyone else right on our heels. When we got to the top, Edward motioned for everyone to stop and be quiet. He wanted all of us to remain hidden around the corner.

We could hear Esme banging on Rosalie and Carlisle's door.

"Esme." Carlisle answered curtly when he opened the door.

"So did I hear you correctly?" she asked. "You want to be treated like everyone else?"

"Yes I do." he replied. "It's seems only fair, given the circumstances."

"You're right it does!" Esme huffed, shoving the shovel into Carlisle's hands. "Since all the other men are going out to clear the porches and a path to the out buildings, it's only _fair_ that you go out and help as well. And you can tell Rosalie that she can be on dish detail tonight after dinner with Summer and Autumn. We're rotating turns, so everything is fair."

"Esme you can't be serious." Carlisle said incredulously, staring at the shovel in his hand with disdain.

"Oh I'm dead fucking serious, Carlisle. You asked for this, I'm just giving you what you wanted. Felix and Marcus will be expecting you outside in five minutes."

Esme turned and headed back for the staircase. Edward muttered a "shit" and pressed us back against the wall like we'd blend in and she wouldn't see all eight of us snooping on her. She came back around the corner and took us all in.

"Don't make eye contact with her!" Emmett whispered like a dumb ass.

"Ugh! You are all a bunch of assholes!" Esme said as she stormed past us and disappeared into the kitchen.

Edward was the first to break the tension filled silence with a snort. After that it was game over, we all collapsed on the stairs laughing.

"Did you see the look on his face when she gave him the shovel?" Marcus wailed. "It's like the thing personally offended him or something!"

"Carlisle shoveling? Oh I _have _to get my camera for this one!" Renee chuckled, pushing past us to get to her room. "Hell, I may have to put that photo on our Christmas cards next year!"

"Rosalie…dishes?" I wheezed, unable to catch my breath. "I know for a fact that bitch has never touched a dish washer in her life!"

"Rose with dish pan hands?" Emmett laughed throwing his arm around my shoulders. "God I remember how she freaked out when she chipped her nail making a cup of coffee!"

"She'll probably try to sue Esme for pain and suffering if her manicure gets ruined!" Felix chuckled.

"Hell, she'd try to apply for disability if she gets a callous!" Jasper snorted.

'Dude, your mom fucking rocks!" Emmett laughed, offering Edward a fist bump.

Yep, thanks to Esme's evil genius, being snowed in just got a whole lot more entertaining!

**Is anyone else loving Esme right about now? LOL**

**Happy New Year Kids! I hope everyone has a great time and employs the use of a Designated Driver! See you in 2011! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry it's been a little while between updates. I've been hard at work on my new story "With Or Without You" and I am happy to say, that the finish line is a mere 3 Chapters away! It's a lot different from anything I've written before and I am really proud of it! I'm hoping when it publishes, you'll embrace it the same way you've embraced my other the "It Happened One Weekend" Series! :)**

**As for "Lives In Chaos", I am going to be hard at work getting this story finished up. So look for mass updates in the next few weeks. I love this story to pieces, but I am ready to finish it and let go of these Characters. I have a million other story idea's I want to work on. But don't worry. I won't sell this story short or cheapen it. I love this cast of characters too much for that! You started this ride with me, and I'll make sure I finish it with a bang for you! **

**As always, thank you for your reviews and support for my stories! I don't always have time to respond, but please know that I read everyone! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight.**

**EPOV**

We had all gravitated to the living room, where we men were preparing to go brave the elements to go and clear some snow. Of course the women were hovering like a couple of hens.

"You need to put more layers on Edward." my mother scolded. "The wind chill is below zero. Your thermal shirt, pull over hoodie, zip front hoodie, Columbia Parka and snow pants aren't going to be enough."

How could she think this isn't enough? I already resembled the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man for Christ's sake. "Mom you really need to get a grip! I have more than enough layers on right now. Besides, you don't want me to start sweating out there. Sweat freezes and lowers the body temperature faster than anything."

Bella is standing next to me crying and carrying on like I'm about to go off to war. "Edward don't go! What if your nose turns black and falls off like those hikers that try to climb Mount Everest?"

"Babe, I'm going to shovel the driveway, not scale a mountain." I mumble as my mother wraps a scarf around my face, so only my eyes are visible. I look around the room and am immediately pissed off that none of the other guys are getting fussed over the same way I am.

Just then my father comes walking down the stairs in his knee length black wool over coat with silk lining, $300 leather gloves, dress boots and cashmere scarf. You've got to be kidding me.

"Um Carlisle?" Felix says. "You're not seriously planning to go shovel in that are you?"

"Of course." Carlisle scoffs.

"What are wearing underneath that get up?" Felix asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

"An oxford and wool slacks. Why?" Carlisle asks, looking down at himself trying to figure out what the problem is.

"Because you're going to freeze your ass off." Emmett laughs. "Going out to brush a dusting of snow off the car in that is fine. But we have to move feet of snow in the middle of a blizzard. It's called hypothermia, Doc."

"Well I'm sorry. I didn't bring anything else." Carlisle huffs defensively.

"Let me get this straight." Jasper chuckles. "You brought your pregnant Mistress…"

"Christ!" Carlisle fumes. "Can we just get over calling Rosalie my Mistress?"

"You're technically still married to Esme, Carlisle." Felix interrupts. "In the eyes of the law she's your Mistress and you're an adulterer."

"Thank you for the clarification." Carlisle growls.

"You're welcome." Felix smiles, seeming pleased to have pissed Carlisle off.

"As I was saying." Jasper goes on. "You brought your pregnant Mistress up on a _mountain_ in the middle of _winter_ and that's the warmest thing you brought to wear?"

"I didn't anticipate a blizzard." Carlisle says, clearly embarrassed.

"Dude. You're on a MOUNTAIN. If it's raining in Forks, it's going to be snowing up here…that's a given!" Emmett snorts.

"What's your point, Emmett?" Carlisle asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, to be blunt, you're a fucking idiot!" Emmett says with no shame whatsoever.

There was a several minutes of dead silence as my dad and Emmett participated in an epic stare down that was only broken when Bella started laughing so hard she was snorting. Before long, everyone but Carlisle was bent over in laughter.

Carlisle turned and stomped back up the stairs muttering something about being forced to share his vacation with a bunch of juvenile assholes.

"You have five minutes Carlisle and then we come up after you!" Emmett bellows, while high fiving my mother. "You're not getting out of this!"

00000

As it turns out, no one had to go up and bring Carlisle out by force. However, everyone lost it when he came back down stairs with Rosalie's pink puffy coat over the top of his over coat, fuzzy pink ear muffs and a pair of hip waders we kept up here for summer fishing excursions.

By the time we finally made it outside, we were all winded from laughing so hard.

Emmett and Jasper immediately engaged in a snowball fight and made snow angels, while I was trying to shovel the porch steps. A task that was made harder by the fact that my range of motion was limited by all the excess layers my mom and Bella were convinced I had to wear. I felt like Ralphie's brother did when his mom dressed him in his snow suit in" A Christmas Story".

Also not helping, was the fact that I was being constantly distracted by a crying Bella suction cupped to the window blowing me kisses and pointing to my nose. I made a mental note to cut her off from watching anymore Discovery Channel documentaries. Although why she thought that only my nose was susceptible to frost bite, is totally beyond me.

"Jesus Christ!" I heard Carlisle yell.

I turned just in time to see Emmett smack him right in the head with a shovel full of snow. I held my scarf up to my face to stifle my laughter.

"Heads up, dude!" Emmett laughed. "You ought to know better than walk next to someone who's shoveling."

And so it went for the rest of the afternoon. My dad got a crash course in snow removal…the hard way. Eventually we got the porch cleared and a small path down to the shed and guest cabin dug out. We were hoping that we could get Carlisle and Rosalie moved down there, but were met with disappointment when we realized that there was no oil for the furnace.

By the time we made it back inside, it was late afternoon and the sun would be setting soon. We walked in and were immediately attacked by the women, who had all our wet clothes removed in a blur of activity, before they shoved mugs of hot chocolate in our hands and directed towards the fireplace to warm up.

"Bella's made some beef stew for dinner. It's just about ready and smells wonderful." Renee smiled, seemingly proud of her daughter's culinary skills.

Just then Rosalie made her way down the stairs. "Ugh, I never liked Bella's cooking. Is there anything to else to eat?"

"If you'd like something else Rosalie, then I suggest you go in there and make something for yourself." Renee replied coldly. "Bella's been in there working hard on dinner all afternoon, so you will show her some respect."

"But I can't cook." Rosalie whined…yeah, she actually whined!

"Then it would seem you're having stew with the rest of us." Renee said, before storming back into the kitchen.

Before long, the table was set and dinner was ready to go on the table. After saying a short blessing, Esme helped everyone spoon out their stew. Well, everyone except Alice, who refused to eat anything Bella's hands touched, choosing to eat a stack of soda crackers instead.

Alice's issues aside, I have to say that if I didn't already know I was one lucky Motherfucker, I do now. Not only is my girl amazing and beautiful, she can cook too!

"Yuck! This is sooo 'Little House on the Prairie'. Did you make some corn bread too, Ma?" Rosalie mocked, smirking at Bella.

"Rosalie…" Renee started.

"Gross!" Rosalie interrupted, before picking the meal apart. "Are those pea's in here? And I hate cooked carrots, they get so slimy! These potatoes are like mush and should the meat have the consistency of rubber? How can you expect anyone, let alone a pregnant woman, to stomach this slop?"

Everyone sat gaping at Rosalie. No one could wrap their head around how cruel she was being to Bella. Just as I was about to say something, Bella scraped her chair loudly across the floor as she stood up. She calmly walked over to Rosalie, picked up her bowl and turned it upside down on her head.

"Choke on it you ungrateful bitch!" Bella snarled in her ear, before turning and running up the stairs.

"Ugh!" Rosalie yelled, standing up and flinging stew everywhere.

My mom handed Rosalie a napkin, trying desperately not to laugh. While the rest of us hid our snickers behind ours.

"A napkin? A napkin? Are you serious?" Rosalie screamed at Esme. "What the hell am I supposed to do with a napkin?"

"She's right, Esme." Emmett spoke up. "There is far too much gravy dripping from her weave to clean up this mess wiith a napkin."

"Thank you Emmett!" Rosalie said, smirking at Esme.

"A mess of this magnitude calls for a biscuit." Emmett laughed, passing Rosalie the basket full of homemade baked goods.

I was torn between sticking around for the theatrics and going upstairs to find Bella. But my heart answered for me, when it pulled me up the stairs to Bella.

"Bella, Love?" I called out, not sure what room she sought refuge in.

"Not now Edward." I heard coming from the bathroom that adjoined mine and Jasper's room. I checked the door knob, but it was locked.

"Love, let me in." I begged.

"Just go eat, Edward. I'm fine OK, I just need a minute." she huffed.

A waited a few extra minutes, before I finally accepted that she wasn't going to open the door to me. But instead of going back downstairs, I quietly slide down the wall next to the door and waited.

"I'm here Baby." I whispered to myself.

**BPOV**

I'd be lying if I said that dumping the stew over Rosalie's head wasn't liberating and satisfying. But I still can't help but be disappointed that I allowed her to get to me like that. It's what she wanted and I gave it to her. Now everyone is down there pitying me and Esme is probably pissed off that I ruined her fancy embroidered linen table cloth. And Edward, he's probably pissed and hurt that I sent him away. I just couldn't deal with his shit right now. He'd probably try to convince me that everything was fine and no one pitied me…but I saw the looks on all their faces.

Edward had a look of disbelief etched on his beautiful face, Renee looked heartbroken, Esme look murderous, Marcus looked stunned, Felix's eyes were bugged out so far that he looked like a cartoon character, Emmett looked hurt, Jasper looked indifferent, too interested in his food to care, Alice had a looked that was one part anger and one part smug, Summer laughed at everything Rosalie said, Autumn teared up staring down at the table top like she wanted to disappear and Carlisle looked completely humiliated.

Yeah, facing these people again wasn't going to be uncomfortable or anything. As I stood in the mirror and stared at myself, I found it odd that I wasn't crying and that I really wasn't upset by anything Rosalie said, it all sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher coming out of her mouth anyway. In the three months that I'd been living without Rosalie in my life, had I become immune to her bullshit?

I shrugged at my reflection and quickly washed my face. Even though I'd rather be tortured then go rejoin the group, I did owe everyone an apology for my behavior.

I opened the bathroom and immediately tripped over Edward's legs and landed right in his lap. "Damn it Edward!" I fumed. "I asked you to go back downstairs!"

Sorry, Baby." he said, nuzzling my neck. "I couldn't leave until I knew you were OK. It's not like you to shut me out."

"I'm fine." I breathed, trying desperately to not let him distract me with his lips on my skin. "I've been dealing with Rosalie long enough that I'm used to it. I'm not even upset by what she said. What upsets me is that she had the gull to do it in front of the closest thing I've ever had to family, in my entire life."

"Closest thing?" Edward asked, bringing his eyes up to meet mine with a smile. "Bella we _are _your family and one day when I give you my last name, we will legally be your family as well."

I couldn't help the tears that flooded my eyes, when Edward talked about marrying me one day. Even after all that we've been through and all the declarations we made to one another, it was still hard for me to believe that this beautiful boy could want to spend his life with me.

'Oh no you don't!" Edward laughed, wiping my eyes with a corner of his button down shirt. "You aren't allowed to cry now! I was trying to make you feel better, not worse!"

"You did." I cried, capturing his lips with mine. "You did."

After snuggling a few more minutes, Edward and I made our back downstairs. Of course all eyes were on me.

"I'm really sorry for my behavior." I said, awkwardly. "It was childish of me to do that Rosalie and I'm really sorry that I've ruined dinner for everyone."

"Ruined dinner?" Emmett scoffed. "Are you kidding me? That was dinner and a show! I was thoroughly entertained!"

"Emmett" I sighed.

"No Bella. Emmett is right. You didn't do anything that Rosalie didn't have coming. If anyone has an apology to make, it's her. What she said was rude, cruel and uncalled for." Esme said disgust clear on her face.

"Bella I'm so sorry you had to put up with that. I had no idea how cruel Rosalie really was to you." Renee said, pity written all over her face.

I held my hand in dismissal. "Please don't pity me. I'm fine. What she said didn't upset me, honestly. It's more the fact that she said it in front of all of you and I knew it would make you pity me. I don't want that. I don't need that. Rosalie can't hurt me anymore; everything that comes out of her mouth is hot air. So please, just ignore her and don't feel sorry for me."

"You're a strong girl, Bella." Felix smiled.

I could hear Alice scoff under her breath, like the notion of me having any kind of personal strength was absurd and ridiculous to her. I eyeballed her for second and then just decided to let it go. I had already caused enough drama for one meal.

Edward and I took our seats again and continued eating.

"Bella this stew is just amazing!" Renee moaned around a spoonful. "I am just in awe of your cooking talents. You should become a chef and open your own restaurant. Marcus and I would be happy to invest!"

There were mumbles of agreement from everyone at the table. I would be lying if I said I hadn't entertained the idea of pursuing the culinary arts. I had given it serious consideration over the years. Especially when I didn't think there was going to be any money to help me go to college. I had checked into a few schools and they were all reasonably priced and affordable. But now that money isn't an issue, I just can't see my cooking talents expanding past a hobby. I enjoyed it and it relieved stress…but I want to do something more with my life.

"I think Renee is right." Esme agreed. "Your cooking is stellar and the flavors…my goodness!"

Just as I was about to thank them for the compliments and then explain that I really wasn't interested in having a restaurant, Alice threw her spoon down in her bowl and stood.

"Bella, Bella, Bella! Perfect little Bella!" she wailed heading for living room. "I am so tired of hearing about how great Bella is. OK, she can cook! Everyone enjoyed the meal…we get it! Now can you all just move the fuck on? There has to something better to talk about than Bella!"

"Amen!" Rosalie laughed as her and Carlisle descended the stairs. "I've been saying that for years, Alice. I told you being friends with her was a mistake. She wears everyone out with her 'I'm so perfect' routine."

"Oh shut up, Rosalie!" Alice yelled. "I am pregnant and hormonal. I can't deal with your shit right now too. So just do everyone a favor and be seen and not heard!"

"I'm pregnant too, Alice! It's not you have the monopoly on the hormonal mood swing or anything." Rosalie said, getting right in Alice's face.

"I'm pregnant with twins, Rosalie." Alice snarled. "I know you flunked biology, so let me break that down for you. It means two, Rosalie. I have TWO babies growing inside me right now. That means twice the hormones. So as far as you're concerned, I DO have the monopoly on it!"

Emmett leaned over to Edward and me then and not so quietly whispered. "Am I hearing this right? Are they honestly fighting over who's the bigger bitch?"

Edward chuckled and nearly choked on a mouthful of stew. While everyone else at the table, muffled their laughter behind napkins and fake coughs. Carlisle, the idiot, was trying to get in between Rosalie and Alice without much success. He finally looked over at all of us for help. Instantaneously, eight spoons could be heard clinking against plates, as we all went back to eating and pretended like there weren't two pregnant girls in the room fighting over hormones.

"Thanks so much!" Carlisle mocked, staring daggers at all of us.

"Hey man!" Emmett laughed. "You knocked her up, you deal with her!"

"Well if that's the rule Emmett, then Jasper should be in here trying to restrain the future mother of his children."

Jasper was the one to start laughing now. "Restrain Alice? Are you kidding me? You don't restrain Alice, Carlisle. You just get the fuck out of her way. And right now, I am out of her fucking way!"

Esme rolled her eyes and stood, bring her thumb and fore finger to her pursed lips, before letting out a loud ear splitting whistle. Not only did this get everyone's attention, but I could faintly hear the howls of nearby wolves responding.

"Enough!" she yelled, having gotten everyone's attention. "Alice, I think you need to go upstairs and lay down for a bit."

Alice huffed at Esme, shot me a dirty look and then stomped up the stairs.

Rosalie, with a satisfied smirk on her face and a Vogue magazine tucked under her arm sighed and turned for the living room. "Finally! Now I can relax."

"Not so fast, Princess." Esme smiled. "I think everyone is about done here and since you have dish duty tonight, you can clear the table and get a jump start on things."

Rosalie's eye got positively huge, as she gaped at Esme. "Oh my god, you were serious about that?"

00000

I can't even begin to tell you how entertaining it was to watch Rosalie do manual labor. Not only did she turn her nose up and "Ewww" every single dish she scraped and rinsed off. But she also broke a nail in the process. Score!

While the rest of us were content watching everything play out, Emmett grabbed his video camera and caught her hilarious moment on tape! He's convinced that the video, which documented everything from the injustice of a broken nail, to her trying to use dish soap in the dish washer (and the subsequent flooding of the kitchen with bubbles), will put his Youtube Channel on the map!

By the time it was all said and done, Rosalie retreated to her room for the night, looking like she'd been through war. Her hands were pruned, her hair was wet and matted, and her clothes were covered in tonight's dinner and were sopping wet. You'd think she was hit with a fire hose, not simply doing household chores!

Alice never reemerged from her room either. Jasper went to check on her and said she was buried ass deep in her laptop and just wanted to be left alone. While I didn't agree that she should be allowed to segregate herself from everyone else, I also wasn't in the mood to go battle it out with her either.

Carlisle ended up spending the night trying to assimilate himself into our clique. Mostly we just ignored him, but Emmett used every opportunity he was presented with to fuck with him.

"Hey!" Emmett had said. "Let's watch 'Wedding Crashers'"!

"What's that movie about, Emmett?" Carlisle asked nicely.

"Funny you should ask, Carlisle. " Emmett smirked. "It's about these guys that go to weddings and stuff that they _aren't invited _too. You should be able to relate."

The rest of snickered, while Carlisle wore a forced smile and poured himself a glass of Scotch.

Later on, I was on the sofa reading a book, curled into Edward while he read over my shoulder. Carlisle made his way over to us and decided to start a conversation.

"What are you reading there, Kids?"

"Eclipse, by Stephenie Meyer."

"Oh? And what's that about, if you don't mind my asking?"

I smirked at Emmett and then responded. "Well Carlisle, it's about a Vampire that falls in love with a human girl. In the previous book, he'd left her so she can have a normal human life. Only she becomes best friends with a werewolf named Jake, while he's gone. Eventually though, he comes back to her and right now I am at the section where Jake shows up at the graduation party that her Vampire family throws for her, _uninvited_."

I fought off a laugh, as Carlisle's face flushed with anger. "Yes, well, crashing parties seems to be a theme tonight."

"Yes it is!" Emmett laughed. "You should stick around! We're going to be watching 'The _Uninvited_' later!"

"Emmett!" Esme scolded. "We don't even have that movie here, so stop it!"

"Sorry Esme." Emmett mumbled.

"Non sense, Emmett." Esme smirked. "We don't have "The _Uninvited_', but we do have 'Something's Got To Give'. You know that movie where Diane Keaton's daughter brings Jack Nicholson to her beach house _uninvited_ and he ends up having a heart attack while he's there and then she's stuck with him."

"Oh I love that movie!" Renee chimed in.

Just then, Edward jumped up and put his Ipod on the docking station. "Hey Marcus, here's that song I was telling you about!" he winked, as if to say 'go with it'. A moment later the smooth voice of Alanis Morrisette filtered through the room, as she sang her hit song 'Uninvited'!

"Good night!" Carlisle fumed, grabbing his glass of Scotch and leaving the room. He'd barely made it out the door before we all dissolved into laughter and high fived each other.

"Oh Emmett!" Esme snorted. "You're an evil genius!"

**Tee hee hee...some more fun at Rosalie and Carlisle's expence! Which was your favorite part?**

**Thanks for reading! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry guys! I know Author's Notes suck ass! Anyways, I just wanted to update everyone on the status of this story. I've gotten a lot of requests for an ETA on the next update.**

**OK, well I am thinking it's still another week or two away. AND NO, I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS STORY! I have published another story "With or Without You" and I have about 3 Chapters and an Epi left on that and then it's done. So it's been prority for the time being. I got an idea for it and had to run with it! **

**So while you're waiting on the next chapter of "Lives In Chaos", go over and check out "With or Without You". It's a great story and is getting a lot of great reviews! **

**Thank you for your patience and I promise that I will be back with more chapters of this story for you soon! :)**


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